It's strange. I am in love. Jen is just about perfect for me. I am going to be married in less than two months. I am excited about being married. I have no regrets. And yet, at times while the date of our wedding approaches, and I can't help but feel some sense of grief at the loss of singleness.
This struggle came as a surprise for me. I thought that I would be so blissful about being married (which I am), that I would not have a worry in the world about married life as my wedding day approached. Furthermore, the things that popular culture says I will grieve as a married person I am not that worried about. Since I have not been sexually active for most of my adult life, I am not grieving the loss of options or variety of partners. I am not that worried about money when I get married. I think, at least to start with, we will both be healthier financially. My social life actually has a boost from being in a couple, as I serve as an Associate Pastor in a family-centered church.
What I struggle with are other things. I like to spend time running away and hiding from everything, and yet the longer I am in a relationship the less able I am to do that. I like long periods of time where I don't have any human interaction. I like to have all my money for myself. I don't like being accountable for how I spend my free time. I like burying myself in my work.
In the process of trying to understand this I had an "everything you need to know you learned in kindergarten" moment. I really have a hard time sharing with others. When you are single, much of your domestic life is centered around self-care. Now another person and their thoughts, feelings, and emotional needs come into the picture. In the process, you find yourself, in many ways, responsible for two instead of one. And, your spouse does too. When you are single, you think of the convieniences and pleasures of being in a relationship. Even though you know a relationship is work, you are unprepared for some of the work that needs to be done in your soul. As I am preparing to be married, I am realizing that it is more soulwork than I anticipated.
Married life is an adjustment I am eager to make, but many of the adjustments still take me by surprise.
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7 comments:
Good thoughts... Things I never thought of before. 2 months... You are in my prayers!
Amen Clint! Everything you said Chris and I had to struggle through. We still encounter those issues every once in a while. Marriage is God's way of making us better people! It is very hard to be confronted with what you're going through but it is the best thing to have happen. working through this will make you a better man, a better pastor, a better lover, a better friend, a better leader and possible someday a better father.
God bless you as you move closer to your wedding day!
And I think the longer you're single, the harder it can be to move out of those patterns.
You're fortunate you got out when you did... ;)
You have a brave heart . . . the woman you chose must have an equal heart . . . thank you for a beautiful post!
Oh, I should have said in my dream that I was going to teach the class. I'm a teacher, so it was actually something that might happen!
I appreciate your comments Clint! Allowing someone else to know you like a spouse gets to know you takes faith, love, the Holy Spirit and just the right woman. I pray God's richest blessings upon you as you prepare for this transition. Marriage is great! It also gives you many more sermon illustrations!
Hi Clint,
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! We just celebrated our sixth anniversary. All the things you wrote about have been soo true, at least for me. Marriage and now parenting really stretch and change me.
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