Lost In Suburbia

More later about some insights from Sentralized and my hotel room retreat. But for now, a little bit of insight into the drama that resides in the mind of Clint Walker...

Someday, I will have a normal trip. You know, a trip where no mechanical work needs to be done, where nothing is left behind, where I do not lose anything, and am able to simply relax. My trip to Dallas this week, however, was not one of them.

The first day of my trip started out rather smoothly. I made good time while I was driving. I got a Muppets t-shirt at the Loveland Casual Male Big and Tall. I might have even made it a little early....until I ran into a traffic jam about 10 miles north of the tollway.

The tollway, once I got to it, freaked me out. You see, I am a little old school. I am used to a tollway that has toll booths. This one did not. You just drive through and they find your licence plate and bill you. I began to wonder as I drove if there was a sinister plot, or if I was just way behind in my experience of toll roads. 

So, I then arrive at the airport parking. And instead of getting a paper ticket to leave in my car the unmanned gate takes my credit card and then tells me to use the same card on the way out when I leave. Apparently it will figure out when I get back.

Running behind because of the traffic jam, and set off kilter with the whole tollway/parking advances in technology I hustle to get through ticketing and get through the gate. I don't get my carry on bags tagged, and I make my way through security, down to the train, and through the airway to A-28. I talk to the people at the gate about getting a refund on part of my tickets, because I paid double for extra space, and that can be refunded if the flight is not full. I set my stuff down. Somehow, at some point, I left one of the bags I was supposed to bring with me. That bag was my CPAP machine.

It is not until I get off the plane in Dallas that I realize my CPAP is not with me. So, despite my frantic maneuverings all week, I have to sleep without assistance. This is a difficult challenge for me. I have lost a lot of weight since I first got diagnosed with my machine. It was my ten year anniversary with my CPAP machine, and I have rarely slept without it. 

Being without a CPAP creates two problems. First, I don't sleep as well, which makes me less alert, more anxious, and less able to learn at a learning event. Second, I have an emotional and psychological attachment to my machine. I am convinced that any day without it I am taking my life into my own hands, and could die in my sleep. I get jittery and anxious thinking about sleeping without my CPAP machine. For five days I will have to do without it.

I rented a car from E-Z rental for 5 days, and pay as much in taxes as I did for the car. I learned that I loved the Toyota Camry. 

Once I got to hotel, the attendant's first words was, "come talk to us in the morning, and we can get you a new room tomorrow." 

"Why?", I asked.

"Most folks don't like to be in the room next to the front desk and vending machines," he said.

So I went and opened the door.to the room. My nose was assaulted with this odor that smelled a little like urine or cleaner, or both. The room was falling apart. Here are a few of the pictures:

While driving home from a meal, I got lost in yet another tech center/industrial park. These places are so creepy. They are big corporate buildings that are ghost towns at night. I am convinced that these places are full of creepy people hiding in bushes, and the evil spirits of the business elite middle management. At any moment there is going to be some guy with a fetish for overweight pastors jump out from behind somewhere and attack my car so he can have his way with me. Gladly I find my way home.

On my way home from Dallas to Denver, our arrival is delayed for nearly two hours as we circle around in the sky seeking to avoid the thunderstorm that is sitting over the city. A baby vomits two rows up, and a gal behind me is having a nervous breakdown because of the turbulence. We eventually get to the ground.

My bags arrive just fine. Thank God!

I go to the airport lost and found. They told me they had found my CPAP machine. As I get to the booth, the lady says she has given away the machine to someone else, and she has his machine. She will mail it to me overnight tomorrow and I will get it Wednesday. GREAT.

So I go and get my car. I get out on the road. And, while answering my phone I miss my turn. So, I get off at the next exit to turn around. Only...I cannot turn around. And, I need gas. So I wander and wander and wander, seeking a gas station and a way back to the freeway. All I find is miles and miles and miles of 300,000-500,0000 in suburban hell. I am lost in suburbs. I hate the suburbs. I keep driving and driving and driving. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I tell myself I am going to run out of gas in the middle of suburban hell where there are only rich, white people who drive hybrids and talk about how smart Glenn Beck is. "NOOOO. Lord, help me," I pray, "I don't want to die out here in the wretched evil suburbs driving and driving and never finding a gas station.

I finally find a shopping center. I am somewhere out in north Broomfield, directly south of Littleton. How did that happen? I fill up the car and watch suburbans and German sedans go by, with an occasional pick up truck. A nice gentleman gets me directions to the freeway.

I drove the rest of way home in a driving rainstorm. Winds were at least 40 m.p.h. and there is standing water on the road. I listened to a book called The President's Club. I got home at 2.am. Got to sleep at 3 a.m., and got up at 7 a.m. with the girls. Eventually I was able to get the back up CPAP to work. Praise God. 

I wonder what is in store for me next week

Road Trip Restrooms

One of the adventures of being on a roadtrip are the restroom adventures you have on the trips you are on. On my most recent road trip we had plenty of adventures.

Despite my disparaging remarks about Texas landscaping, I must admit the Texas/Oklahoma border has the most wonderful bathroom on planet earth. As one enters the Lone Star State, one discovers that instead of a typical rest stop, Texas has the Taj Majal of potties for its newly discovered travellers. The whole trip, in order to avoid my typical travel sickness, I chose to treat myself to plenty of fluids (especially water). So, as I entered taj majal toilets incorperated I rushed to the restroom. To my shock, the whole room shined and was beautifully lit. You could see your reflection in the freshly mopped floors, and the stools were sparkling clean. In four days of travel I only sat down in one public restroom, and this was it. It was almost fresh and beautiful and clean enough of a restroom that I would have felt comfortable eating a meal inside of it (I said almost, Sarah).

On the way to the restroom, there was an air-conditioned theater room with the weather channel on television and room for nearly 30 people. The other side of the room was a travellers bonanza, with maps and details about every public park, free state maps (which we needed) and tourist guides.

The rest of the restrooms on the trip were less impressive. There was one restroom in Oklahoma that had napkins from the truck stop deli for TP, and where I had to stand on one leg because someone urinated on the floor.

There was another restroom where a man strove to strike up a conversation with me and I had never met him. He chose to start this conversation while I was using the toilet.For those of you who are non-male, in man world this is a major faux pax. This behavior stirs up nearly every homophobic instinct in a healthy heterosexual man's heart, especially in truck stop restroom in Oklahoma where every other customer reminds you of someone from the movie Deliverance.

Other than the Texas rest stop, the most pleasant restrooms were in new Shell stations along the road (Edmond, OK).

What are your experiences with public restrooms? What phobias do you have? What unique ideosyncrecies do you have in dealing with public restroom issues?

Uncle Ken and Reverend Bubba's Excellent Adventure

Last week I was gone on a road trip to support a friend and member of the congregation I serve. It was quite a road trip. I wanted to share with you a few thoughts and observations:

Thursday

On Thursday, we headed out in the afternoon to Kansas. In my travels accross Kansas and Missouri in the last several years. One of which is that Interstate 70 is the red light district of the Bible Belt.

Also, I thought a lot about the regionalism of the state of Kansas. Much of the west is flat, brown, and barren. There is a lot of space between towns out in that direction. It looks a lot like ranching country. And as you imagine the dustbowl in a day when only 10-20 percent of the people had cars (1930s), being dependent on this land can be a scary thing. Even as you are driving through, you can feel like you are in a lonesome place, and feel very vulnerable.

As we moved toward the center of Kansas, the view gets a little nicer. Rivers start becoming visible. The landscape turns from a barren, brown and flat to green, life filled, and lumpy. Although I am a man accustomed to mountains, lakes, and beaches, there is a certain beauty to Central Kansas. Christian Artist Rich Mullins speaks to this best when he sings his ode to Kansas called "The Color Green". Winter Wheat in the spring is a beautiful thing.

Most Kansans I have gotten to know have a reserved pride about them. This was evident as you looked around McPherson and saw people out working on their lawns, planting (or replanting) their flowers. Kansas culture is not showy generally, but it is full of good people. Much like the land they live in, they try to live their lives in a way that is earthy and simple, yet elegant and full of homespun beauty.

Another neat thing about Kansas is it is still a place where you can make a place for yourself with a little hard work and a generous portion of integrity. The people we stayed with had one of the most beautiful homes in the whole city of McPherson. Yet, they have very down to earth, blue-collar kinds of jobs. To have a home like this is Colorado Springs would require a lot more wealth than it would in Kansas.

Ken "Uncle Ken" Chapman was born and raised in McPherson. While we were there he shared a number of people, including him and his wife, bought the Opera House in McPherson so that it could be made a historical landmark and eventually restored. They bought it for a penny. Here it is:

Friday

Friday was a long day. We drove from McPherson, KS to Greenville, TX, packed Ken's daughter up so she could return home to Colorado, and then drove back through Oklahoma to McPherson again. We left at 8am and we returned at 2am. It was a long day in the car, punctuated by packing Nicki up in the middle of a day in the mid 80s F.

Texas has its own beauty, although in my opinion Kansas is a much prettier state. The contrasts between the two are striking, despite the similar topography. Kansas roads are for the most part clean. Texas has junk everywhere. Kansas in broken up into squares of square miles, especially in rural areas. Texas roads go all over the place. Texas highway roads have tall grass everywhere right now, going to seed, even as you approach the "entering Greenville" signs. Kansas mows their roadsides, even in more rural areas. The beauty of Texas is that it wide open and wild. The beauty of Kansas is the way that people have tried to make a home of beauty in such a flat, wide-open, and often lonesome land. Nevertheless, Kansas still needs more Starbucks out west.

The thing that fascinated me about Texas were the roadside flowers. Especially Texas Blue Bonnets and Paintbrushes. These wildflowers were my favorite thing about Texas actually.

And, what can I say about Oklahoma? I did not experience much of it, outside of truck stops and Interstate 35. Oklahoma has lots of red dirt, and that is pretty. Southern Oklahoma has a feel of a little bit of the Ozarks, only without the music and amusement parks. Nevertheless, the Turner Falls area and the Arbuckle Mountains (ahhem...hills) were the best part of Oklahoma on this trip. And I just felt sick to my stomach knowing if I was in Oklahoma on another weekend in the near future I would have been able to go to Stillwater for a concert with Pat Green, Cross Canadian Ragweed, and Brandon Jenkins.

Most of the people we met in Oklahoma bring living illustration to the world of Blue Collar TV with Jeff Foxworthy. For a while this was fun. Then a few people started to scare me a little bit, and I was anxious to get back to Kansas. As we rode through Kansas, Nicki started talking about eating fried Twinkies. Fried Twinkies? What will people think of next? She told me not to knock them until I tried them. Knowing my affinity for fried food, I decided not to try them.

This got me thinking about my friends from Texas. Most of them are expert at frying everything, which is part of why I like to drop in at Texan homes around dinner time.

Saturday

By Saturday I was wiped out. The best part of Saturday was getting to talk to Robin's sister. She was intelligent, sweet, and thoughtful, and by the end of the day I felt like I really connected with her. I felt like an awkward stranger entering her house, and I left feeling like I was a guest that was a welcome visitor.

We headed home via 1-70 again. The highlight of the trip was a stop at THE OASIS in Colby KS. The OASIS is pure genius. Out on the middle of the plains, a businessman built a truckstop with a lot of things you won't find in Western KS. Namely, inside the truckstop there are a few shops, gift stores, and a lot of restaurants in the food court that are found more in bigger cities (Starbucks, Quiznos, Pizza store, Chester Chicken etc.). In addition, there are lots of Kansas trinkets for folks just passing through.

We got home Saturday night.

I had church on Sunday.

A long, hard tiring trip, but a good time nonetheless.

Road Trip

Yesterday our youth group joined other folks in helping glean fields in Alamosa. Our church is associated with a group called La Puente, which helps migrant workers and many other disadvantaged folks working and living in the Alamosa area.


This first pic is of us trying to glean what was left behind in the potato fields. Dig, turn, grab, dig, turn, grab.





















The second pic is a pic of some of the kids gleaning cabbage. We got around a pick up full of cabbage picked for the food bank.



























As you can see with the two gentlemen here, it was a windy day. That is why most of us had hoodies and breathing masks on. It did not help that most of the potatoes had been recently harvested.

Travel log

Today I went on a little road trip for work. I made the trip to Denver. And, most of the trip I alternated between thinking I was beginning to understand the city, and pulling my hair out because of all the construction.

A little hint to small town drivers. Trying to navigate major Denver thoroughfares and read Mapquest directions at the same time is not always the best idea.

Anyway...

I went and did my hospital visit first. We have a high schooler that is having problems holding anything down, so the doctors transferred her to Denver to run tests. They think it is probably ulcers. She hasn't eaten anything she can keep down for longer than an hour in 7 days. Poor thing.

Once I navigated Interstate 25 road construction, Colorado Ave, and parking at the hospital, the visit was really fun. I felt like I got to know the kid I have been working with and the parent in a new, more meaningful way.

Then, I went to the seminary bookstore at Illif Seminary. Illif is well known as probably the most liberal ministerial training school in the country. My experience at the bookstore affirmed this. Besides students and staff cussing like sailors (which I am not immune to myself...but generally not in that setting--ok I dont cuss like a sailor, I just drop an occasional word when I am angry), the books and classes that were offered there reminded me why I was eager to leave seminary.

There are the specialized books--A Southeast Asian Gay/Lesbian Ecotheology Text

There are the boring books---History of Architecture in Pre-exilic Israel

The obvious leftist political bent books etc etc.

Fascinating people watching though.

Then I went to Mardels, an Educational and Christian Supply store to pick up supply stuff for the youth room and youth group. And I picked up some nerf finger rockets for myself.

After that I wanted to check out our new denominational offices that are on the South Side of Denver. That was fun. Got to say hello to all the staff, and got to meet my buddy Mike there. We got dinner in Castle Rock and the Rockyard Grill and Brewery on the way home.


All in all an excellent day. Even if I was about to rip my hair out while stuck in traffic all over Denver.

Starbucks on the Road

Last week I went out to a wedding in Springfield. Luckily there was a Starbucks nearby. Starbucks was a part of the theme to my friends' wedding. They met at the National Youth Workers Conference in a Starbucks in the hotel lobby. They talked for a while, were infatuated with each other until Jennifer's aunt Jean found me, and then I found Dan and got them connected.

Anyway....Ben (a junior in high school in our youth group) and I drove out together to Illinois. At different points along the road in Kansas we inquired about the location of a Starbucks. First, in Abilene, KS the hotel receptionist looked at me and said, "Isn't that one of those east coast things? I don't think they have any out here." First of all, I was insulted. Central to my identity is that I AM NOT an east coast liberal, and this woman implied that I was. Besides that it is a WEST COAST thing to begin with, and we know that all good things in America from blue jeans to legalized marajuana to good music start in the West and move East.

Then, in a slightly larger town with two or three colleges in it in KS (Salina) I decided to try again. (This was two days later on our return trip) I asked the woman at the convienience store if she knew of any Starbucks or something similar around. She said, "Isn't Starbucks a movie chain?". Now I have lived in towns without Starbucks for most of my life....but that is a little different than thinking Starbucks is a movie chain. So I got in the car and I told Ben my story and said, "That is it, we have to get out of this state as soon as we can!" He agreed and we sped out of Kansas as fast as we could. Ten miles from the border in Goodland we saw a truck stop that had a Starbucks.

"Toto, we are not in Kansas anymore!"

THANK GOD!