Eva's Song

Last Tuesday, I went into Pueblo to visit a member of our church. The member's name is Eva, and she was suffering with a bout of pneumonia. Eva has had a rough go of it lately. When I arrived here about two years ago, she was recovering from an injury that would not allow her to walk as much as she needed to. This frustrated her, but she rarely complained, and if she did complain it was to blame herself for not being able to heal fast enough or work hard enough.

If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is "thank you," that would suffice.
Meister Eckhart

Around October, Eva had another visit to the hospital. It was decided at that point that she would stay with her son Roger and his family. Eva would hold the babies during the day care her daughter-in-law ran. She eventually got sick, and her illness quickly turned from a cold into pneumonia. She was taken to the hospital.

When I visited Eva Tuesday, I spent a little time visiting with her, and a lot of time visiting with her son Roger. Roger and I talked vacation and golf, and about life in general. It was a good chat. When it came time for me to leave, I asked Eva if I could pray for her. Her poor hearing led her to believe that I was requesting that she pray for all of us. She told us to bow our heads, so we did. She told us to close our eyes, and we did that too. Then Eva began to pray.

Some people might be grieved by Eva's prayer. As she prays, it becomes clear that her mind is not as clear as it was months, or even weeks ago. She got stuck in a loop of prayers. For many this loop would be sad, for others a dark comedy. It has elements of both these things. But most of all, the prayer was beautiful.

It was beautiful because when Eva could not think of anything else, and she did not have the intellectual capacity to pray in the way you know she could in earlier years, she kept repeating the same word. That word was "thank you".

"Thank you Lord for this day....thank you....thank you Lord for our friends and family...thank you...thank you for providing us the food we ate....thank you....most of all Lord we thank you for Jesus, who loved us enough to make a way for us to spend eternity with you....thank you..."

She kept saying her thank you's over and over again. She would note God's work in creation. She would note God's love for us. She would thank God for Jesus. Not just once, or twice, but over and over again. I left the hospital after I finished by praying for her. On the drive home I found myself fighting back tears. And I was not fighting back tears because she is dying. I was fighting back tears because of her testimony. When her mind could not think through a paragraph, her heart kept saying "Thank you Lord, thank you, thank you!"

In one of my internships in seminary I visited a Alzheimer's clinic with a mentor/pastor named Charles. As we wandered through the clinic, we sat with a member of Charles' church in the cafeteria. Around us people screamed outoud, "Lord, why? Lord, why?" and "Please God just let me die." as the top of their lungs.

To be honest, I can't blame them. I hurt for the people in the Alzheimer's clinic that day. That is why I was so moved when Eva said, "Thank you!"

Through the week, I wondered if this was simply an anomaly. On Thursday, Eva's sons Richard and Roger moved Eva to the Fowler Nursing Home. I went to visit her. It took a while for her to understand who I was and why I was there. We chatted a little bit. Then she started singing

"Allleluia, Alleluia. God is so good. Alleluia," Eva sang.

Eva kept singing "alleluiah's" until she sang herself to sleep. I said good bye to the sons chatting at the door. I walked out to my car. Eva could hardly recognize me. We could hardly have a conversation. But as I walked to my car it was my turn to mumble to myself, "thank you, Lord, thank you for Eva."

Theodicy Lessons from the Twilight Zone

One of the things I have loved about being in Fowler so far is the opportunity to hear people's stories. Although people here do not always understand their faith in terms of a growing narrative, they certainly do understand their lives that way. The last couple of weeks I have been taking time to drop by people's homes and get to know them. One person I have gotten to know pretty well is Scotty.

Scott has had a rough go of it lately. He is a truck driver, and recently rolled his truck around Salina, KS. He was heading home from Kansas City, and he had an empty trailer. The winds got up to 80 miles per hour, and one gust picked his trailer up which tipped his truck. He was rushed to a hospital in Wichita, which did a very poor job in caring for his wounds. In particular, he was tipped over in a way that he had road abrasions on his skull.

Since the accident, he has been waiting on Workmen's Compensation. Since that is slow in developing, he has been recieving care through the Veteran's Administration. He still has a rather large and somewhat open wound on his head. His accident was sometime around March.

Scott and his wife Sheryl live across the alley from Jennifer and I. The first time I visited with Scotty over the fence he said, "Clint, I can tell we are going to be really good friends."

Scott is a Vietnam Veteran. He talked about listening to the Doors when he left for Vietnam, and realizing the whole world was different when he returned after four years of combat and the hot group was the Jackson Five.

What I like about Scotty is that he is part wide-eyed five year old boy, and part armchair philosopher and sage. When he talks, his voice raises pitch and his eyes get big like a child. Some of the things he talks about lets you know that he thinks a lot more than most folks about life, faith, and what everything means.

Last Monday, I headed up to Denver to visit Scott at the VA Hospital. He and his wife Cheryl were battling discouragement. He had went up to Denver expecting to get a skin graft from his leg to go over his wounded head. Instead, they spent four hours in surgery cleaning gravel, glass and other debris and clearing infection from his wound. Its seems the first responders did not put a lot of energy into making sure his wound was clean when they released him from care. Each day, they are told a different story about when he will be ready for the surgery that he expected.

As I visited Monday, Scott was nearly moved to tears. Our church had given he and his wife gifts and cards that I had brought with me. Most of the gifts were monetary, to defray expenses while they were in the hospital.

As I continued to listen to their story, Scotty taught me about what philosophers call "the problem of evil" or the "problem of pain". The theologian shorthand for this term is theodicy. In other words, why do bad things happen to good people. Scotty was pondering these questions and he said, "Sometimes I wonder about why all this is happening to me," he said, "But then I remember this episode from the Twilight Zone"

The episode he descibed I later discoverd is titled A Nice Place to Visit. The story begins with a man robbing a pawn shop. At some point in the middle of the robbery, the police come. As the robber, named Rocky, seeks to make his escape, he is shot dead by the police.

The next thing he knows, he wakes up with a large man in a nice suit next to him. The large man introduces himself as Pip, and Pip explains that he is Rocky's guide to the afterlife.

Pip tells Rocky he can have everything he wants. Rocky wants a nice place. He gets a Penthouse. He wants women. He gets three who tend to his every need. Rocky wants a million dollars. He is given that as well. As Rocky goes along, he assumes he is in heaven.

Pip takes him to the casino downstairs. Everything he plays he wins. He always rolls the right number at craps and roullette. He always wins when he plays the slots.

For a while this thrills Rocky, but then he gets bored. Everything is just too easy. Everything is just what he wants.

He calls up Pip, and through a conversation he discovers that everything around him is programmed to give him whatever he wants. Nobody choses to love him. Everyone is just playing the role of treating him well. He never has to have any risk or any faith. He never has to deal with anything he does not want.

Rocky does not like this. He grows to dislike this programmed antiseptic world where he is given everything he wants. Finally he explodes to Pip, who he assumes is an angel. Rocky says, "I want to go to the other place if this is what this is going to be like!"

Pip responds, "Why this IS THE OTHER PLACE!" and then laughs this evil disturbing laugh.

Scotty finishes telling this story. "A life where everything was easy and I got everything I ever wanted wouldn't be more like hell I suppose," he says, "that is what that show said and I think it is true."

"I am just going to continue to pray and hope for the best," he said to me, "and I know you will too."

Floral Meditation

"4 This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart..." (Jeremiah 29)

This week and this month has been full of chaos and adjustment. Our bathroom is nearly finished in the parsonage, but we have had the trustee of the church in our home nearly every evening working to get it done. I officially started at the church on Sunday. From Sunday on, it seems that everything has been new. We have had new experiences and a new pace of life. We are learning new ways of speaking with people, and new we have both started new jobs. I am learning that the church has a more informal way of functioning than I had anticipated (no regular deacons meetings for example). I am trying to figure out how to copy bulletins and wondering how to purchase paper for the copier. We have spent over a week waiting for cable and internet (no internet in the office). I am very slowly learning what people expect of me. I have spent a lot of time making home visits to members, and that means getting to know and trying to read lots of new people. I knew things were going to change drastically in ministry, but living that adjustment has been a stretching, learning experience this week.

Today, after I was encouraged not to visit the person we have in the hospital quite yet, I took the day off. It was the first day off that I was not moving things that I have had in nearly a month. So, after waiting for the plumber and taking a few phone calls from church folks, I headed into La Junta for lunch. I stopped by Walmart, and made Jen a picnic in the park for us both. Then, I started to drive home.

On the way home, I made a decision. I stopped by Big R and Arkansas Valley Lumber Company and got some flowers. Then, I spent most of the afternoon planting roses and mums in pots and flower boxes on the front porch. I learned during some stressful moments last year that caring for plants and flowers helps me practice what a mentor called "Long, Wandering Prayer".

Today, while potting the plants, I thought of the passage above. As I pot the plants I plant in faith. I trust that God called me to this place. My actions say I intend to be here indefinitely, ministering in this community, planting and watering the seed of God's good news in this place.

I think about how the investment in the church and in the flowers are both risky acts of hope. Hope that my work, time, and personal investment will indeed help to grow new life here in this place. And, the act of getting dirt under my fingernails and my hands dirty gives me a strange sense of peace. I have the peace for the moment that I too am being planted in this place, on this land, for this time. And that as I get my hands dirty over the coming years, I can trust that God's plans are indeed to prosper me and not to harm me.

Small Town Life: A Snapshot

This Wednesday night I prayed the opening prayer at the Bacclaureate service here in Fowler. It is my first week on the job, and I have already recieved two responsibilities in community services.

Today, after the service for our soon-to-be graduates here in Fowler, I started visiting with people. Several people have asked:

"So how is that bathroom you are getting redone coming along?"

I am always a little shocked when I meet people for the first time, and they know that the church is remodeling our bathroom. This is especially interesting when it is in a conversation with people I am meeting for the first time.

I met the head of the local bank. He asked about the progress of our bathroom.

So did the minister of the Christian Church.

In a way this is a little shocking, and in a way this is a compliment and a comfort that people seem so invested in our adjusting well.

All in all, this is life and ministry in a small town.

Final Sermon at FBC Colorado Springs: Be A Reciever

Will you be my
Will you be my
Will you be my
Will you be….my neighbor?

Generations of us were raised hearing those words sung by the Presbyterian minister who loved children. He wore a sweater vest nearly every day. He spoke in hushed tones to us as he changed his shoes. Then he went on to follow model trains through his house, talk to puppets, and visit with the mailman. Mr. Rogers was a calming influence who taught children about tolerance and never got angry or frustrated. My mother-in-law thought he was child molester like and creepy, and refused to let Jennifer watch him. However, many of us watched him with children and grandchildren, and have good feelings about the things he taught, the characters he introduced us to, and the authenticity he had in real life with the character on television. Mr. Rogers was a good man.

I liked Mr. Rogers.

I like Jesus more.

When we read this passage about Jesus with the children our first instinct is to think Jesus is a lot like Mr. Rogers. He is sitting on a little stump in an olive grove somewhere, with a sweater-vest over his flowing white robe. He wants the children to sit around him, and he wants to speak to them in hushed tones about how it will be good for them to be kind to one another and do what their synagogue teachers told them. He gets out his flannel graph and tells them some age appropriate story from the Old Testament, and then prays for each of them and sends them on their way. As they leave he sprinkles glitter in all of their hair. The children’s lives are never the same again.

This image may be a good image. It may even be the image of a faithful disciple of Jesus. It is not, however, the picture of Jesus that we have in this passage. Jesus is much more angry, forceful, and driven to teach people a point about the kingdom.

He wasn’t a member of the sweater vest crowd speaking in hushed tones hoping people would listen.

He was directly asserting the gospel is not a managed and controlled program. No matter how much we try to force it to be just that. The gospel is Christ’s gospel, not ours. We come to him on his terms.

The last month I have been teaching the CHOW Bible Study group how to do word study, and identify important words in a text of Scripture. It has been fun. We have learned a lot. The key to this passage is a few key words.

In this passage, there is a very important word that shows up to describe Jesus’ emotions. That word is “indignant”.

The Bible says that as Jesus was INDIGNANT. That is pretty strong language. It certainly is not Mr. Roger’s behavior.

Why was Jesus indignant?

The Scripture says that Jesus was indignant because little children were being brought to him so that he could place his hands on them and bless them, and the disciples were rebuking people for making this imposition on Jesus.

The disciples thought that Jesus had more important things to do. They thought he had a more important agenda to pay attention to.

The disciples were missing the point.

The disciples believe that the kingdom of God is theirs for the taking. They believe that if they manage things right and control things right, if they get things figured out right, if they find the right system, if they play their politics just right, then they will be able to claim a position of power in the Christian movement.

If we look at the context of this conflict, we can see this back and forth goes on for chapters. In chapters 8, 9, and 10 Jesus predicts his rejection and death 3 times. Jesus tells the disciples to beware the leaven of the Pharisees and Herod. In other words, after feeding the five thousand don’t get puffed up with ideas of power and popularity. They don’t get it. They can’t control it.
He tells people not to tell others about who he is and what he has done. Following Jesus is not about riding his coattails to success.

A man says, I believe, but lord help my unbelief. He comes to Jesus needy and incomplete. He receives health for his son. He receives it.

The disciples get angry that other people are casting out miracles and doing wonders on Jesus’ behalf. They think they are losing. Jesus is happy, and says that whoever does these things are on the same team. People are receiving the grace of the kingdom. The kingdom is winning.
Eventually we come to Jesus with the children. The disciples are still trying to manage and control Jesus’ agenda for their benefit.

Jesus will have none of this pettiness. He is indignant. He lets the disciples know. Looks a little more messy and feisty than a Mister Roger’s show.

He is indignant because of the other key word that shows up in the passage. RECEIVE.

The kingdom of God isn’t something we take. It is something we receive.

The grace of God isn’t something we attain to. It is something we receive as a gift.
The power of God isn’t something we control through doing or saying the right thing. It isn’t something we earn or are entitled to. It is something we receive as needy people open to have whenever and however God wants to give it to us.

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I want to share with you how this receiving has worked in our lives lately.

One of the reasons that Jen and I trust that God is calling us to Fowler is because it is not a ladder climbing move. It does not pay more. It is not a position with higher status. The total church budget is about 1/6 of First Baptist Colorado Springs. You open up guides for travelers to Colorado Springs, and it does not even show up on the map! Right now we are living in a parsonage where the shower does not even work yet, and the computer in the pastor’s study is over 10 years old.

That is not to say we did not try to push our agenda, and make a call of God what we wanted it to be. I interviewed at churches closer to Jennifer ‘s family and my own. We interviewed with churches that had more attendees , larger budgets, and better salaries and more status. Sometimes the door slammed shut on their end. Sometimes we had a deep, mystical sense that God was not leading us in that direction.

When we visited with the folks down in Fowler, we both had a sense that this was where God was leading us. We asked for God to give us open doors, and to point the way. In situation after situation, before and after we accepted the call to go there, we have received confirmation after confirmation that God has led us to Fowler.

God’s call to a new ministry in Fowler was something we received by grace, not something we controlled (in spite of my best efforts), or something we claimed by force.

Receiving is hard. We want to be strong. We want to be in control. We want to earn what we have. We want solutions and answers.

Jesus says to receive like little children.

When Jesus says this, he is not adopting our modern sensibility that children are innocent. Any one who has raised children knows that they are adorable, at times sweet, but far from innocent.
What Jesus is saying is that we need to come to him with nothing in our hands, nothing to claim, no negotiations to make, and simply receive the blessing that he is offering.

The other day, in the last word study we did with our CHOW group, we looked at the actions of the Holy Spirit in the book of Acts. One thing that really stuck out to each of us was the the discussion of the action of the Holy Spirit filling people. Filling, we discussed, is a receiving kind of action. And it seemed that the people who were most receptive were filled up. Once they were able to receive to the point of being full, then their filling resulted in ministries of grace and renewal around them.

So often we think God wants us to do stuff for him. Run errands for him. Attend meetings for him. Lead church activities for him. We think that our busyness and our activity level makes God happy. We think that we are good because we give more than we have to, or because we make a really special effort as forgiving someone who hurts us. We may not think that God grades on a curve, or that he demands that we get everything right. But we do think that God has a report card like I did in elementary school and middle school, where there was a grade for achievement and a grade for effort. And that God is really assessing us by our effort grade, so we must look very busy and try really, really extra hard.

What if we stopped trying so hard and just started to honestly receive from God? What would that look like?

What if instead of trying to control all of our life circumstances, we received the situations we are in and used them as opportunities to seek and discover God’s grace? What might God be trying to teach us that we are missing?

What if instead of trying to cover up and fix our mistakes we acknowledged them, and were conscious about completely receiving grace and forgiveness? Maybe forgiving those who hurt us might be a little bit easier.

What if we looked at what we do in service of the church as an opportunity to be received as well? What might God have to teach us as we prepare lessons? How might God grow us as we work with people we have never gotten to know?

What if instead of coming to worship to see what we can “get out of it”, we came to worship receptive to whatever God may be doing, even if God is not necessarily doing it specifically for us?

What if instead of thinking we have to earn God’s salvation and approval, we soaked in the fact that he wants to love us, grow us, mold us, and shape us. And that what he wants from us is to be receptive to him as he lays his hands upon us and begins to mold us and make us anew?
First Baptist Church, this will be the last Sunday that I get to share with you as one of your pastors. As I go, this is my prayer for you:


My prayer for you is that you will be receivers.
My prayer for you is that you will drop any hopes you have of earning God’s approval.
My prayer is that you will set aside any guilt or shame or sense of obligation you have with your faith.
My prayer is that you will come to Jesus like little children
That have no wealth
That have no achievements.
That have no power.
That have no control over much of anything in their lives.
My prayer is that you will be brought to Jesus.
And you will allow him to set his hands on your shoulders
And let him look in to your eyes
And that you will let him bless you
That you will receive that blessing from Jesus you need
That blessing of approval.
That blessing of acceptance.
That blessing of hope.
That blessing of empathy.
And that when you receive from Jesus,
This hope
This grace
This love
Then you will experience
This compassion
This love
This power
This flood of God-life in you
That will not simply fill you up
Like you have never been filled before
But that will overflow from you
To one another
And this church will be so full
From being open enough
To receive from God
That this God-life we received from Jesus
Will overflow
In a stream of grace
Into a thirst world around
You.
This is what I pray for you.
That today
At this table
And each day as we are parted
That you will receive
New hope
New truth
New Grace
And
New Life
From the God
Who is the same
Yesterday
Today
And Tommrrow
And the God
Who is always
Flowing out
And flooding forward
In an unpredictable
Torrent of
Amazing love.

New Phone and address for new home

As we are moving, I thought it would be helpful to share our new number and address to everyone who might want it

105 W Eugene
Fowler, CO
81039

(719)468-9549

Call or write or text at your leisure.

Happy Trails to Me

I thought you all would want to see a little bit of our goodbyes to FBC Colorado Springs:

First, the resignation letter:
My Dear Friends and My Church Family,

On Sunday, March 30, 2008, Jennifer and I accepted a call where I will serve as the pastor of First Baptist Church of Fowler, CO. Thus, I am resigning as the Associate Pastor here at First Baptist Church of Colorado Springs.
This decision comes after much consideration, and we are excited for our journey ahead. At the same time, we are saddened at the awareness that we will not see many of you nearly as often, if at all, after we leave.
I leave First Baptist Church of Colorado Springs feeling good about much of the time we have had together. We have accomplished a lot together. By the end of this summer, our teens will have had the opportunity to participate on five mission trips and attend three summer conferences in the last five years. Our attendance has fluxuated somewhere between 2 and 25 at youth group, and I have done my best to love each and every teen that comes through the door on your behalf. We have also revitalized our young adult ministry with our young couple’s ministry and the CHOW group. In all of these programs and in other endeavors I have enjoyed partnering with you and sharing ministry with you.
Perhaps what I feel best about is how we worked together to build trust with one another. When I showed up, I was the fifth person in five years in my position. The teenagers were tired of just getting to know someone, only to have them leave by that summer. The parents were eager to be supportive, yet were a little bit suspicious as well. With some amazing help, I feel like we slowly came to support and love another.
We move forward not out of anger or animosity, but out of a sense that I was called to be in a place where I could grow in new ways. In my time here, I have felt more and more of a tug to preach, to lead, to have a voice in the direction a church is going, to have a relationship with an entire congregation. And although I love pastoring teenagers and always will (especially ours), after 12 years of youth work I have struggled in the last year or two with trying to come up with new and entertaining youth group games and trying to find new and creative activities to do. In other words, I feel God is leading me to be more of a pastor and less of a programmer.
As Jennifer and I take the next step in our journey of ministry together, we want you to know that you will always have a special place in our hearts. This is the church that Jennifer made her first public profession of faith in and the congregation that clapped and shouted at her baptism. It is the church that Jennifer and I were married in. This is the church where we were able to work with a wonderful group of youth that we love dearly, and where we were hosted weekly for five years by Ken and Robin Chapman for our Wednesday Night CHOW community. You will not be forgotten. You will be treasured.

Then the final article in the newsletter:



By the time that you get this edition of the Tidings, Jennifer and I will both be keeping busy with last minute ministry concerns, and we will be packing like crazy for the movers that are coming on the 29th of April. After that, I will be commuting back and forth a little bit to wrap up things with you here in Colorado Springs. Jennifer’s last day of work in the Springs is the 28th, and she will be transitioning into social work with the developmentally disabled in Otero, Bent, and Crowley counties.
Transitioning from one ministry to another is not an easy venture. On one hand you are eager for the new adventure that is ahead. On the other hand, you are grieving leaving friends you have made over the last five years, and ministering to others by helping them process through that grief as well. Many of you have given us your blessing and support as we go, both affirming our ministry here and affirming God’s call to Fowler. That has made it easier to say goodbye.
Ministry transition is also a challenge because you are moving from a community, friends, problems, and a work that you know into something completely unknown and unfamiliar. It is a risk. I wonder, “What if I fail? What if something doesn’t work out? What if there is no room for growth of the church in this small town?” I think about these things and I fret and worry. Then I realize, that we in the Church are all about faith. And faith is about an active trust in God. So Jen and I have taken the step out on the limb in going where we feel God is leading us, and we believe that we will be taken care of and blessed. As we leave, we are trusting God on our new adventure to Fowler. We are also trusting God that he will take care of you here in Colorado Springs.
Pastor Mike has written a fine cover article for this edition of the Tidings. He has urged you to pray as I Jen and I leave. I urge you to do that as well. I also plead with you to have a passionate, audacious trust in God as you listen to him in regard to what to do next in regard to youth and young adult ministry.
I am trusting that my leaving as Associate Pastor of First Baptist Church will be an awesome opportunity for you to move forward and grow as a church. I know there is the potential for great ministry in the future here in Colorado Springs. I am praying that you will seize that opportunity—even if it takes risk—in faith that God will bless and provide.
At the same time, if I am honest, I am worried about you (Can you tell I have little difficulty letting go?). I am concerned that it will be easy slip into doing what feels safe and easy to cope with all of the staff change (including but not limited to my leaving), instead of having the courage to have a risky and courageous faith. For some of you, I know you will become tempted to be less invested in the young adult and youth ministry of First Baptist Church. I am trusting you won’t surrender to that temptation. Find ways to support the youth, young adults, and the parents of youth as you move forward. Let that support be seen through jumping in to help the Education Team, Parents, and Mike with youth and young adult programming. Also, share your support through having the courage to encourage your church to take the personal and financial risks that staffing support for our young ones may require in the future. Remember, faith is an action word. And, faith works best when you are living on the cutting edge of your faith, completely depending on and clinging to Jesus. We love you. We believe in you. We wish you all the best. God Bless.
Be God’s,
Pastor Clint

Jen got a new job yesterday (probably)

Jen has a new job! She starts at the Arkansas Valley Community Center as a case worker on May 5, unless something really unforseen happens. Yipee. Strange how things just keep falling together.

She got a call for the interview at the same time I was at the Healthy Small Church conference. At the time of the call for the interview, Mike Oldham had everybody there take a moment to pray especially for Jen and I and our transition to Fowler. Strange How God works.

This will be a welcome job change after a stressful few months being dragged into this case because she was the only one left in the office who didnt have personal issues that related at the time, and this case because she had went on a previous call last year to this persons home.

Picture of our New Home in Fowler

More Pictures of the Fowler Parsonage

There is a driveway between the church and our new home. You can see the west side of the church here. This is from the driveway.




The second picture is from the east side of the house

Working Through

Saying goodbye is never easy. It is especially hard in church life. It is even harder when you are a pastor saying goodbye to the church you have been serving.

There are a number of challenges as we progress in the direction of moving to Fowler. Jennifer is working hard to find a new job so that we don't have to have a commuter marriage in our first year together. I think the change will be more difficult for her as we adjust to life in Fowler. The people will love her, but I think it will be a challenge to be more in the fishbowl and have less freedom than we have had here in the big city of Colorado Springs.

I am currently immersed managing myself as I leave the Springs. Here are some of the challenges.

Ministry Rewind

Much like you hear about people during end of life phases, I find myself working through the sucesses and the failures, the joys and the conflicts of the last five years. Over and over again I am presented with situations and snippets that give me the opportunity to handle things differently than before or I wncounter a small situation that seems to me like it is a redo of months or years of ministry here before. At times this is good, because it helps me heal from some things. At times this is difficult, because I am tempted to take control of things that are no longer my business to control.

Self Control

When you are in ministry, for better or worse, there are times when you make political decisions. For me, these decisions revolve around how I use (or don't use) my voice. There are several situations, big and small, that I have kept my mouth shut about as I have been here. Some have to do with staff issues, and my efforts to be submissive and supportive of those God has annointed to be in authority over me. It seems as I get closer to leaving, there are more opportunities to use my voice to lash out. People in the church want to triangulate myself and the senior pastor. Sometimes it is tempting to take that bait. Even more, I have unresolved issues that I have not dealt with, and there seem to be opportunities to resolve those issues in my favor. To take revenge.

This is true with members of the church as well. Due to the challenges of navigating relationships at First Baptist, there have been times where I have wanted to be more blunt and confrontational, and I have chosen not to. This is because I wanted to communicate grace and avoid confrontation. It is also because I know if I am too blunt with people I will be disciplined by those in leadership for being so. Right now, there is a strong temptation about being uncensored Clint. Of attacking everyone for every issue I have with them, even those here I love the most. I suppose some times this will be appropriate, but there are several times where it is not.



Blame

Closely associated with the self-control is blame. I want to blame everyone as being the reason I was leaving. My senior pastor. The executive board. The kids when their behavior is poor. Parents. People who refused to volunteer and help. Young adults who lives do not seem to be changed. The list goes on and on.

I have little conversations in my head where I say...If you would not have done ________ than maybe I would not be leaving right now. Childish I know, but it is temptation nonetheless.

This self-control and blame issue becomes even more challenging as people in the church are going through their own grieving process. As they express their frustration and pain with us leaving, I am tempted to lash out and spout off.

Right now it is my responsibility to help people work through the process as a pastor, not to make them work through my process with me.

Agenda Control

It is hard for me not to manipulate things so that things happen the way I want them after I leave. Will my position be replaced? How will the kids be taken care of? How will programs be done after I am gone. My temptation is to take control of things so that I can push my agenda, instead of letting go and letting the church determine its next course.

It is hard to let go. It is hard to stop making decisions. If you love the people you serve and you love the Church, leaving the place God has had you is never an easy thing.

A lot of times, it seems like it would be easier to run away now.

What Parable Am I?

As I leave First Baptist Church of Colorado Springs, and head toward First Baptist Church of Fowler, I have begun to think about lots of things.

Today, I attended a conference on Healthy Small Churches. As I listened to the presentation, I began to think about a book a mentor of mine wrote called The Art of Pastoring: Ministry without all the Answers.

As I continued to think about all of the things that happen in the process of leaving and entering a ministry, I begin to remember David Hansen's understanding of "pastor as a parable". Then I began to think about what will be my "parable" as I leave Colorado Springs. What is going to be the theme of my story as I leave here?

And how is that story going to be different in Fowler?? What is the story of God's grace that God will try and tell through me?

These are some things I am thinking about.

List of Interviews

Because church people read this blog, I have not said so much about some of the churches I have looked at in the process of feeling called to Fowler. Because I think this is kind of interesting, I thought I would share with you all of the churches I interviewed with to get through the process to the point I am at now.

First Baptist Church of Santa Ana CA--this spring
Lake Avenue Baptist (Pueblo)--this spring
Church in Niles, MI--talked a lot with chair of committee this spring
First Baptist Church of Redlands, CA--last winter
First Baptist Church of Belleville, KS--last winter
First Baptist Church of Fairbury NE--last winter
First Baptist Church of Alpena, MI--candiated last fall
First Baptist Church of Pontiac IL--last fall
First Baptist Emporia KS--summer 2007
Kittitas Community Church, Kittitas WA--last spring
Church in Upstate New York--fall 2006
First Baptist Canon City--fall 2006
First Baptist Church of North Platte, NE--summer 2006

A few of these churches turned me down. I turned a few opportunities down. Some were kind of mutual experiences.

Discovering a new call is very difficult work. It is a long journey.

Now comes the next few steps as we trust God has led us to Fowler

Stories from the Weekend

This last weekend we were in Fowler candidating to be their pastor. There were lots of stories to share. Thought I would relay a little about the weekend.

We played golf on Saturday. On that round I had the best game of my life through 6 holes. Then I choked. I had 28 through 6, and then had three penalty strokes and a whiff on the final three. Arghhhh. I still had the best score though, which made me happy!

We visited La Junta, and was amazed at the age of women with their second bun in the oven, child in tow, and baby daddy with them at Wendys.

We drove through La Junta, Rocky Ford, Swink, Manzanola, Crowley, Ordway, and Olney Springs.

We stayed at Bushy's Blue Sky Motel. Bushy's is the only motel in town. Bushy himself is the mayor, who is up for reelection on Tuesday. Bushy is a retired Kansas Highway Patrolman, and we got to visit with him a little. He talked about the old ladies he had lunch with as his girlfriends, and how he replaced the tvs in the hotel by transporting the tvs from La Junta by motorcycle. We never saw Mayor Bushie out of overalls. Bushy made us laugh a lot.

We had a dinner at CJs Roadside Grill, which closed promptly at 8pm. The grocery store closes at 6pm Monday-Saturday.

On Sunday I got to mingle with the congregation during the youth breakfast fundraiser. Then I preached and led worship.

After church there was the monthly business meeting/potluck. It was fun. After a few questions of me the church voted on my candidacy. It was a unanimous vote to call us.

As soon as the vote was done, the trustee initiated a conversation about the need for renovation of the parsonage. They wanted Jen to have more cupboard space. One of these changes was the shower, which is poorly concieved and not really tall enough for me to use. As this was discussed, one man said they needed to start with remodeling the bathrooms in the parsonage. He said, "You know a feller has gotta shower at least once or twice a week I suppose." They are also looking at adding a dishwasher, cabinets, and making a few other minor repairs. They are working on getting some new chairs for worship leaders too. It is exciting to see people so eager to be supportive and care.

It is exciting to think we will be in a three bedroom house soon. Jennifer will be able to get a dog. I will be able to work on my houseplant habit on the enclosed back porch. And the commute is only about 15 feet to the office.

New Vistas

Jennifer and I have accepted a new call to be the pastor at First Baptist of Fowler, CO. We are very excited about the new adventure ahead. We are now also grieving telling the teenagers and young adults goodbye in Colorado Springs.

Fowler is a church in the same cluster of churches in our denomination as the church in Colorado Springs. It is a small church of 30-40 in worship in a town of about 1200 people. It is a half an hour from Pueblo (about 100,000), a half an hour from the county seat of La Junta (about 10,000), and about an hour and a half from Colorado Springs. It lies on the open country that is Eastern Colorado and Western Kansas. It is right along the Arkansas River, and thus the community serves as an oasis in the middle of the arid part of the Colorado Plains.

The church is very sweet and supportive to both my wife and I. The older women adore Jennifer, and one of them has declared that she is already "adopting" Jen as her own. The vote was unanimous to call us, and we will be moving next month.

A new adventure is beginning!

So....Michele...that is why I have yet to answer your question....

Honeymoon Day 8

We spent a little time in the plaza in Santa Fe, and then hustled home. We also took a detour to visit the small communities of Pueblo, Avondale, and Fowler, CO. We got home in the early evening. No pictures on this day, just determined driving!!