Fallen

I wrote this poem on Saturday evening after going up in the mountains for the afternoon. I have to warn you, it is an angst ridden poem full of doubt, confusion, regret, and a longing for hope. (And Mom and sis, don't worry about me I am fine). Much of the poem is playing around with the metaphor of the verb to fall. I was thinking about fallenness in a theological sense (separation from God) and the guilt that comes with a profound sense of that fallen state, taking leaps of faith (falling into the arms of God). It is also a little about what it means to fall in love, and to fall on your face in failure. I hope as you read you will identify with the feelings expressed and how they relate to your own life. Here it is:

FALLEN

I'm
fallen
and
I
don't
know how
to
get back
up
on firm
footing
and
solid ground
I'm
fallin'

I'm
fallen
corrupted
and
wasted
in the
fetid
water
of
half-hearted
existence
I'm
fallin'

I'm
fallen
fealing
breakable
and
malleable
fragile
and
flexible
all at the
same
time
I'm
fallin'

I'm
fallen
from
my harbor
of safety
and knowledge
into a
whirlpool
of mystery
and
fear
I'm
fallin'

I'm
fallen
tears of
fears of
regret
pangs
of doubt
circle
overhead
and
churn
in my
heart
I'm
fallin'

I'm
fallen
boundaries
down
weakness
exposed
my
heart
tumbling
like socks
in the
dryer
I'm fallin'

I'm
fallen
Not sure
what's right
(or left)
or wrong
caught in
a riptide
where effort
seems useless
and surrender
an unacceptable failure
I'm
fallin'

I'm
fallen
don't know
what part
of me
to trust
what to
believe
how to
turn to
a new
path
I'm
fallin'

Help me
up
help
me know
where to
jump
how to
trust
what to
know
whether to
say yes
or no.