Overteachable

I am a big advocate of being teachable. I think just about every one and every thing can teach me something. I can learn things from people I argue with and people I agree with. My enemies can teach me and so can my friends. People I am leading can provide lessons for me as well as those who are in authority over me. Good situations can help me grow. Difficult situations may help me grow even more in the long run. Every person, I believe, is a parable of God, able to be used by God to teach me something new. Currently I am thinking about a conversation I had with my former boss, Mike Sayler, and some advice he had about writing based on his editorial work for the Minister's Council Meeting.

I have a friend who I was in the middle of some relationial strife with a few years back. (We got past it,and get along well now) Sometime either during or after that difficult patch in our friendship, we had a time in our small group where we each went around our group and said what we appreciated about other people in the group. One of the things that she said that she appreciated about me--and it meant a lot because it was an honest compliment in a time where she did not have to say anything nice--was that I truly listen and consider to what almost anybody says to me. I may not agree someone when they say something, or even agree later after I ponder what someone has said, but I honestly listen and consider what I have been told. I think this is true of me for the most part, and was moved that my friend noticed.

I thing that this teachable spirit is Biblical. When I read the parable of the soils in the book of Matthew, I think one of the most important things about being "good soil" is having a teachable heart. God can teach you through all sorts of people and in all sorts of situations.

I am starting to come to the conclusion, though, that I can be overteachable. I can listen to people too much. I can be overly generous in considering each person's opinions equitably. Being overteachable has been a problem for me some specific ways. First, as a leader, people can interpret my willingness to listen and be taught by others as weakness. These people, once they have had some sort of influence with me, seem to think that they have a right to power or control over me and the decisions that I make. When I choose to disagree with them, they see my inability to do what they want as a betrayal of some sort, because in the past I listened, agreed and responded to them. I am not sure how to navigate this problem, but I think part of the reason I get into situations like these is that I am overteachable.

Also, it can cause undue emotional distress. I try to listen to everyone and learn from them. That is fine when I am working with folks collabratively. It can be wonderful when people have positive input. When I recieve constructive criticism it can be challenging but helpful. When I recieve unconstructive criticism it can be agonizing. I replay and analyze an offhand comment that someone has said in my head, and expend a lot of emotional energy trying to spiritually discern exactly how to respond, and just how much truth there is in what they are saying. I find it hard to be dismissive of anyone. Sometimes I think it is healthy to be able to be dismissive of some folks.

At times, words of people, no matter how irrational or rediculous, can get in my head. They say something, and it something that just sticks with me. Recently I had a conversation with a fellow minister about his beliefs about marriage and sexuality. Specifically, the minister spoke about the importance of the frequency of sexual intercourse for a happy marital relationship, and a lack of sexual fulfillment as a primary reason for divorce among people he counsels. Now, since this is a semi-public blog read by several family members of my wife and myself, I am not going to get into any details about our sexual relationship, except for to say that neither of us have any complaints in our newlywed years. But what I will say, is that this person had a tone like he had this whole issue figured out, and had set himself up as evaluater of everyone else. And even though this person is not my leader in any regard on such matters, he has influenced me in a way in which I evaluate myself consiciously in light of his standard. Enough so that I have to consciously make an effort to dismiss his input from our marital relationship. Some stranger does not need input on such private issues of my life, but I am overteachable. So I consider what he said, audit it to discern how true the details of what he said are factual, and give serious consideration to his words, and evaluate my life in light of what he says.

I shared the above example because it is not uncommon in many other arenas in my life. It bothers me that I think to much about what other people say to me. My teachable attitude at times means that I take too much into my spirit, and give too many people influence over how I live my life and do my work. I think it is important that I learn from people. But at times I feel that by being teachable I give people too much power over what I think about and how I feel.

I guess my question is, how do I be teachable, without being over teachable?