I want to be disciplined in so many ways, but I feel stretched so very thin. It is nobody's fault but my own. I have just gotten to a place in my life where it seems like my life runs me instead of taking charge of my life and running it the way I feel God leading me to do. Let me explain.
Recently, with my gastric sleeve surgery, both the PA I see post surgery and the nurse that is in charge of my health management have challenged me to make time for regular exercise. I have a hard time doing this. This was not always the case. There was a point in my life where I was able to work out for about 45 minutes a day when I was trying to get healthier. Setting aside that kind of time now seems impossible.
I also need to be more engaged in personal study as a pastor. I do not feel like I read enough or study enough. Instead, I feel like most of my ministry is running from the hospital to the nursing home, and then from a bible study to the office to hand out vouchers and catch up with phone calls. I need to take time to study and think if I am going to be an effective pastor. I used to do that. I am struggling doing that now.
I need to take time to make and maintain friendships. But when?
I need to learn how to manage my life. And it cannot be the way I used to do it. My life has changed. I have a wife and two kids. I serve a church that is more administratively demanding and needful of my direct input and direction than anywhere I have been. I am older, and less able to burn the candle at both ends than I was 5-10 years ago. But if I don't make room in my life somehow for a "new way" to play to my strengths in ministry, care for myself, and do the thoughtful soulwork I need to do I am not going to be the person or pastor I need to be.
So....I am still working, thinking and praying on this one.