Suicide Ettiquette

Although I may sometimes come off like I am full of a lot of piss and vinegar, I think I tend to be a very patient and compassionate person. I am very forgiving. I am a good listener. I know this about myself. If you know me very well, you know this too.

In my years of youth and young adult ministry, I have often had to deal with situations where students want to end their lives. It is heartwrenching when I have to hear this heartache from students. It is even worse when you have to visit someone in the hospital or mental health facility after a suicide attempt. My heart goes out to folks like this. It is a confusing place to be when you look at life and feel like it will never get better, and that you have nothing to look forward to. I try to assure them of my love and acceptance, and even more of God's love and mysterious purpose for their lives.

There is, however, some people who have tried my patience when I worked with them through this process. And, one of the things that tried my patience was that this person did not have proper suicide attempt ettiquette.

So, if you chose to inform me of your desire to kill yourself, please keep the following rules of propriety about doing so in mind:

1. If you are suicidal, do not try to begin an emergency phone conversation with 5-10 minutes of small talk. Do not ask me about my day, about the weather, or about what I ate at lunch that day. I may just say that I am busy and decide that I do not have time to exchange pleasantries. This is especially true if it is your 4th or 5th suicidal call of the day.

2. Please allow your vocal effect and body language to match the emotional state you are trying to communicate. When you tell me you are suicidal, do not do so sounding like a cheerleader, following by saying "Isn't that cool?" Do not do so tilting you head and with a smile. Do not tell me you are suicidal and then ask me what I am doing, and when I share that I am watching the ball game, say you will call me back in a half of an hour and hang up. If you are suicidal, it is your job to appear either angry, morose, or depressed. Or act like a zombie. The more drama the better if you are suicidal. It lets us know you are serious, and allows us to gage our response accordingly. If you are not going to be suicidal with passion, there is no point in being suicidal at all.

3. If you are reaching out to me for help via phonecall, please inform me of your whereabouts so that I may find you and do my level best to help see you through the crisis. Don't call, tell me you are going to kill yourself, and then not disclose your location or plan to get help. You make me think you are making threats for attention, and I am less likely to want to care or listen to what you have to say.

Thanks for listening, and being suicidal with proper manners in the future.

One of my few forays into Celebrity Gossip

A few months ago, Mr San Nakji honored me with a birthday greeting from this fine looking woman all the way from his home in New Zealand. I was very honored that Mr. Nakji would be so thoughtful, and that he would be so right on about who I think is one of the most gorgeous women in all of celebritydom.





















Thus when I read about her husband as his antics, I just have to shake my head. If the accusations are true, one has to wonder if this man is on some prime meth straight from the streets of Ames, IA or just the stupidest man on earth.

Check out Jen's Blog

My friend Jen has a blog that she has started that features her poetry and photography. It is really neat.
You need to check out Continued Contemplation and give her some encouragement!

The Difference between optimism and faith

There is a huge difference in my opinion between optimism and faith.

Optimism is all about always seeing the glass half full, and always seeing the good part of every situation. The problem is, life can really suck sometimes, and it does no good to half a false optimism about how everything will be perfect in the near future when you know things will never be the same again.

Faith is about trusting God that I will be taken care of someway and somehow and that everything will work out for the best. I can have faith, even when I feel down and pessimistic about things. Things may never be the same, and may never be as good as I once had it, but I can have faith that God will be with me through the good times and the bad.

Obviously this theory needs more thought in order to be articulate about it, but that is the theory for today.

A Strange Tipping Point

A young man comes into church. He seems like a normal high school boy. He comes to youth group more out of a quest for his girlfriend’s approval than for any sort of spiritual nourishment. In the midst of family turmoil and a search for something bigger than himself, he comes to ask Christ to come into his life. His girlfriend breaks up with him, and he is devastated. Somehow, this spurs him on to grow deeper in his faith.

A middle-aged man watches his father die. He begins to become interested in a woman that is part of a cult, and the cult swindles thousands of dollars. His son begins to have discipline problems. Somehow, in the midst of his misery he decides to turn to Jesus. And the very circumstances that you might think would cause him to turn away from God and even question God’s very existence are the circumstances that drive him right into a deeper, more committed, more authentic faith.

It is so strange. Ideally, you would hope that our personal growth would most easily come out of gratitude and blessing. It would be easily to logically conclude that people grow when we are in the ideal circumstances and environment. Sometimes I wish it were so. However, for many of us the opposite is true. It is those moments of failure, of crisis, and of trial that God seems to make himself most clear to us. As the Message translates one of the beatitudes into modern idiom, “Your blessed when you are at the end of your rope, because THEN (my emphasis) there is more of God and his rule.”

Crisis is an odd catalyst, isn’t it? It can be a tipping point to personal and community transformation, or it can be a tragedy that you get stuck in and really recover from.

Why is this? I think it is because moments of crisis put us at a crossroads in our life. We can give up or press on. We can ask “Why me?” or we can ask “What do I do now, Lord?” The difficult and painful moments of life puts us in a position where we can move closer to God or away from God. In those moments of crisis, it our responses and our attitudes that determine whether our tragedies, frustration, and heartache are somehow redeemed by God’s grace and love into blessings and triumph.

The book I am reading these days

Although this is not Hybel's best book, it sure is worth the read. If for no other reason that Hybel's in more open, authentic, and conversational in this book than any other, with the possible exception of Courageous Leadership.

A good read.

Controlling the Squirrel

I have stated in a previous post that we are all part squirrel. Now I want to share with you one way I tame the squirrel.

First of all I have a confession to make. There are times when I just want to shop for shopping sake. I want to go purchase something nice for myself just as a treat. But I do not have enough money to be a high-maintenence squirrel, chasing after big shiny things. So what do I do?

To control the squirel I shop for cheap shiny things. Most often, I shop specifically for pens. Sharpie minis. Sharpie mini highlighters. Staples Xeno pens. Whatever the pen is, I like pens. And one package of pens can often soothe that need to shop for something fun and shiny for only a few bucks.

So, I always have lots of pens in my backpack.

How do you tame the squirrel-like desire to accumulate new shiny things?

A Prayer of Lament

I want
to sing
and
feel
the breathe
of
your Spirit
in my
lungs

I want
to
walk into
your
house
hungry
and know
I will
be fed

I want
a solemn
moment
that tells
me I am
doing right
and all
will be
alright.

Is that too much
to ask?

Somedays

Some days
I feel
proud
to be
me

I feel
like
a
precious
stone

Valuable
Substantive
Worthy of
being
worth something

Other days
I feel
embarrassed
to be
me

I feel
like a
contagious, ugly
terminal
affliction

Needing to
be
quarantined
on a
stony desolate
island

In between days
I hope
for
a coming
together

Of my
hopes and dreams
with my
faults
and fears

That all
will be
beautifully salvaged
with
nothing wasted

Random Thoughts

1. I saw Newt Gingrich (who I think will be a presidential candidate in 2008)on TV the other night. He shared that he thought Clinton and Bush had different ideas about what terror was and how it should be dealt with. President Clinton saw terrorism as crime, and Bush saw terrorism as warfare. I think Newt may be on to something there. Very interesting perspective.

2. I looked through Ray Kurzweil's book "Singularity is Near." A very interesting book. So far, from my read through, it seems he is combining his observations for the direction of humanity in "The Age of Spiritual Machines" with the outgrowth of technology being some sort of technologically driven eugenic reality for most of humanity. To be honest, a lot of what he says scares me. But I want to learn more.

3. I think it is possible the Monday Night Football game in New Orleans was thrown. Do you?

4. I am growing to really dislike Shania Twain. Even though some of her videos are better than watching women on trampolines on the Man Show, she is slowly but surely getting on my nerves. Carrie Underwood is a close second from country music circles.

5. I am secure enough in my masculenity to admit that I love John Mayer's new album Continuum, even though I still think most of his music is too girly for me.

Do you dare?

Do you dare?

Do you
dare
to make
a clean
sweep
and
begin
again?

Do you dare?

Do you
dare
to
trek
forward
with a
new hope
in an
unfamiliar
direction?

Do you dare?

Do you
dare
to leave
the flickering
candlelight
of dawn
for
the
illuminating
sunlight?

Do you dare?

Do you
dare
to see
life
anew
to
you

Do you dare?

On Being Holy Dependant

I remember going on my first “mission trip” when I was between my junior and senior year of college at Sterling College in Sterling, KS. There were lots of big lessons to learn that summer in Stony River Village, AK. Practical lessons like how to cook for myself on a camping stove for three months, and how to stay clean without use of a shower. Personal lessons like trusting that God could use me, and being at peace with quiet times alone. Cultural lessons about the Alaska Native way of life. Perhaps my most important lesson from my summer missions experience had nothing to do with my experiences in Stony River, and had everything to do with my preparation for and return from the trip.

Growing up, we were always provided for, but we did not have very much money. Whether or not we would have enough money was always a concern for us. When I went to college, my parents sent me a little spending money each month, but neither were able to help fund my education. So, I patched together a partial football scholarship, some academic scholarships, some student loans, as well as money I would make over the summer, through work study, and working in the cafeteria. Amazingly, even though I am still paying on the loans, God provided in amazing ways.

Still, I was nervous. I needed to have an internship of some sort, and I needed to be able to afford to come to school the next year. With the change in football coaches scholarships were frozen or reduced (mine was frozen) for most upperclassmen. At the same time I felt led to do my internship as some sort of cross-cultural mission. I struggled with my decision, but finally decided to take a step of faith and go with InterAct Ministries to spend a summer in a native village in Alaska on the Kuskokwim River. I reluctantly registered for a larger college loan and started my fundraising. The fundraising said that we could raise up to $1500 above our costs to help fund our schooling the next year. I worried I would even be able to raise enough money to cover the costs of the mission trip. I was wrong.

God provided beyond what I imagined. I received financial support from unlikely places—even from people who opposed the work I was doing, and the mother of my ex-fiancé. And when the project came to an end, I had over $1000 for school the next year. Furthermore, when I got to school, a couple I had met once had been led by the Spirit while they were praying to send me $500 for school as well. Classes worked out where I could cut back in the springtime to part-time at school and send my school loan back.

Here is the lesson I have learned from that situation and many after. God rewards us when we step out in faith. He doesn’t leave us alone when we have the courage to trust him with a risky, stepping-out-on-a ledge kind of faith. In fact, it is when we have the courage to risk enough that we are dependant on God in very real ways that God becomes most real to us. It is also often in those times when God chooses to use us the most.

In Honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day

Your Pirate Name Is...

Captain Blood And Guts

What's Your Pirate Name?

Renewal of a Habit

I have recently taken up the game of golf again. I play about once a week, and unless someone else is buying, I play on inexpensive courses. The course pictured here is the one I played on today. It is called Cherokee Ridge, and is run by the Water Conservation Authority.

I did about average for me, in the low 50s for 9 holes. I played with a member and former attender of our church named Bill, and we had a lot of fun walking and talking and hunting for the balls that we hit here there and yonder.

If I hadn't have locked my keys in the car it would have been a perfect day so far!

By the way, there are a lot of life lessons in golf. One of which is that my golf game often parallels my life and ministry. I do things well a little bit, but it is really hard to put everything together for even one hole. Although, I did have two pars! One on a par 5 and another on a par 3

Road Trip

Yesterday our youth group joined other folks in helping glean fields in Alamosa. Our church is associated with a group called La Puente, which helps migrant workers and many other disadvantaged folks working and living in the Alamosa area.


This first pic is of us trying to glean what was left behind in the potato fields. Dig, turn, grab, dig, turn, grab.





















The second pic is a pic of some of the kids gleaning cabbage. We got around a pick up full of cabbage picked for the food bank.



























As you can see with the two gentlemen here, it was a windy day. That is why most of us had hoodies and breathing masks on. It did not help that most of the potatoes had been recently harvested.

George W Bush quotes--just for fun

Our president does sound intelligence challenged at times. See last weeks interview with Brian Williams for a quick reference. But once in a while he comes out with some Yogi Berra like wit. I wanted to take a few moments to celebrate some of the more serious and more fun sayings of our current president. Please share your favorite.



Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called "walking."

When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It's going to be decisive.

Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness. (OK I was mean with this one)

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.

Senator Kerry has been in Washington long enough to take both sides on just about every issue.

One of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise above that which is expected.

It's going to be the year of the sharp elbow and the quick tongue.

I'm hopeful. I know there is a lot of ambition in Washington, obviously. But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure.

I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace.

I believe the most solemn duty of the American president is to protect the American people. If America shows uncertainty and weakness in this decade, the world will drift toward tragedy. This will not happen on my watch.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign. (that one was kinda mean too)

Until a New Season Comes

Fear not!
Yeah,
RIGHT
that only
helps
so much
and reminds me
I
have reason
to be
frightened

A
fierce feeling
grabs hold
and pushes
me
to jog
to sprint
to run away
and never
stop
running

But today
this field
is mine
to tend
to water
to weed
and
to till
until
the new season
comes

Another quote on pastoral ministry

Pastoring is not managing a religious business, but a spiritual quest.
Eugene Peterson

Quote of the day

One is not called to BE pastor, one is called to BECOME Pastor--
Gardner Taylor

The little things

It is the
little
things
that keep me
plodding
when I
do not
think
that
I can

It is
an
unexpected
hug
or smile
and
a kind
word
that slaps me
across
the face
and awakens
me
to
joy
and hope.

It is
the
lyrics
of a
song
that set
my heart
to singing
and melts
my vigilant
resolve
to be
angry

It is
the
wind
in
my face
that
pushes
against
my stubbornness
and despair

And it
is the
surpassing
beauty
of a few good
moments
that
lifts me
from
listlessness
to hope
and from
brokenness
to standing
and being
made anew

Clint's Library

Check out all the books in Clint's Library at Librarything.com

New Theory: We are all part squirrel

The other day I was walking through Walmart. As I walked a certain item caught my eye. What was it you ask? It was a bucket. This bucket was better than most buckets I see. Why? First, it was on sale for just over a dollar. Also, it came in colors like neon orange and neon yellow. The bright colors excited me, and I had to have these buckets. So I threw them in my basket, and told myself I would use them to organize my cleaning supplies.

Then I got to the front of the line. And I saw something else! Qtips! These were not ordinary Qtips. No way! They were Qtips with colored sticks. They had purple and green Qtips in my aisle. I wanted them, but I restrained myself. And, as I was standing in line I remembered a truth that I had discovered a while earlier and buried in the recesses of my brain. That truth is that we are all part squirrel. We all like squirrels are drawn to bright and shiny things, and when we see them we want to make them our own. Especially if we think we are getting a good deal.

Our nations history was founded on the squirrel principle. How did we get the island of Manhattan from the Native Americans? We gave them shiny trinkets (and to be fair they thought they were sharing not selling). What drove westward expansion in the United States. Shiny yellow rocks in places like Colorado and California. Where does most of our population live? By the shiny Great Lakes and seashores.

Men, how many of you go for shiny technological gadgets that you will never need? Women, how many of you have more shoes that you can keep track of? Rednecks, how many of you have more cars or parts for cars than you need in your front lawn? Book lovers, how many of you have looked at an old raggedy book on your bookshelf and thought you would want the same book with a nicer cover? How many of you women have more knick-knacks than you know what to do with? Have you ever bought a book, CD, DVD, or tool that you did not remember you had until you brought it home and went to put it away? Why is it that we do all of this? It is of course because we are all part squirrel.

You might even relate this principle to the attraction of the opposite sex. How many of you women are more attracted by a shiny, sporty car or nice big pick up truck? How many of you want the big shiny rock on your finger from your man? What about our attraction to nice shiny teeth artfully arranged by a dentist? Even in dating we can be part squirrel.

What shiny and/or useless things are you drawn to? What store are you a sucker for a bargain in? Do you agree with the squirrel principle?

Jeans (Genes) are a funny thing

I took the week off from work last week (kinda) and got some space from the job. In the process I went golfing at Sand Creek Golf Course over by Peterson Air Force Base. Sand Creek is a fairly low budget public course (tee time is not even needed). It was the first time I had played in three years.

Golf is always both wonderful and frustrating at the same time. It is wonderful because it consumes your mental energy. To play golf well, you have to focus on golf. And, while you are focusing, you take your mind off of everything else that you should be dealing with. It is frustrating because if you are a passionate guy like I am it is all you can do to not cuss like a sailor and throw your clubs all over the golf course.

The first time I played I finished playing, took my clubs, put them in the back of the Aztek, got in the car, and turned on my music. And what was playing? Hank Williams Jr. THE ESSENTIAL COLLECTION. And it was at this point I thought "I have become my father."

This is not necessarily a bad or a good thing. It is just a real thing. The first time I noticed this is when I began to recieve my monthly letter and spending money check from my Dad. At one point I grabbed the letter out of my box, and I thought I had written a letter to myself that I had forgot. Then, I realized that Dad and I have almost identical handwriting. If only I had known this sooner I thought. I could have had some creative forgeries when I was under 18!

Actually, one of the reasons why this shocks me in the relatively little time I spent with my father after my parents divorced when I was in Kindergarten. I hadn't sat down and worked on penmanship with my father, I had just somehow grown up to have my signature look almost identical to his. Our handwriting similarities were pure genetics.

The second time I came to this realization I was in school. My dad was wearing his carhart overalls and coat, and I was wearing the Carhart jacket he bought me and a pair of jeans. We were in Oregon shopping for Christmas presents for my sister and my grandmother, and I all of the sudden noticed that as I walked my hands were placed in my pockets just like my father, and I was walking in the almost exact same gait. Whats up with this I thought? I have become my father.

And then there was last week in the Aztek, and I had the same feeling. You see, after my parents divorced my dad spent a lot of time working around golf courses, and playing around on them as well. And since it was the late seventies and early eighties in country music, Hank Williams was playing a fair amount at different phases. And, all of the sudden I remembered being in Dad's briefly owned Scout International (white in color) listening to Hank Williams Jr. on AM radio and heading up with Dad and my sister to Salem, OR. We were hot in that car, because the temparature was in the 90s in the summer and we had no air conditioning.

And I thought, here I am in my Bronco-like vehicle, listening to similar music, doing similar things, living in a one-bedroom apartment (like Dad did off and on), going home to drink a beer and watch some football. And while this was briefly eerie, it was also comforting in a way as well.

It was comforting because somehow, in some strange way, I felt connected. So often in life I feel like the path I chose and who I am is so disconnected from where I have come from. Like I do not fit anywhere easily. Somehow and someway this awareness of my connectedness to my father, and to my family as a whole helped me understand that I was not as homeless in the universe and disconnected from everyone in the world as I sometimes feel.

It was comforting because I felt normal. Like it was normal and ok to be struggling to pay your bills in your 30s. And it was also ok to be single and in your 30s (depends what part of the 30s for dad). It helped remind me that things can get better, and that the future does not necessarily have to be an extension of today. And that my hope for change and for something better sometime soon is a realistic hope.

Non-Prophet BBQ

Actually, Non-Prophet neither looks like this or is from KC. But I thought it was a cute pic nontheless.

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to a wonderful party put on by Mr. Non-Prophet at his residence. Even though it rained while we sat on the porch most of the time, there was good company and good food and beverage.

It was an interesting experience for me. Why? First of all, I am rarely if ever invited to parties, much less parties where I know nobody. I throw a lot of church parties for teenagers, but that is a little bit different environment and different social skill set.

As most of you know, I am a fairly introverted person. So I was a little nervous going to a place where the only interaction I have had with people in theological and philisophical debate online. But Non-Prophet was a hospitable host, and I soon found a few people to visit with. And I have to say I enjoyed myself a lot.

What was suprising, challenging, stressful, exhausting, and enlightening all at once was not that the environment was much different at the BBQ, but that the environment was much the same. Not to long after arriving and people finding out what I do for a living, I was inundated with questions about my faith commitments, my thoughts on theology and philosophy, and my journey on how I came to do what I was doing. So for around 3-4 hours I was standing on a porch, drinking a beer or two, and explaining my core beliefs and life commitments to folks that I had met five minutes ago. I was glad to discuss with them. It was a great opportunity. But I was a little saddened that I couldn't just talk and down a couple of the brats and beers I brought and just get to know people and make some friends and be normal. I left a little early cause I was intellectually exhausted.

And this exhaustion reminded me of a couple things. First of all, I was very thankful to be included in a circle of people that are so different from me in outlook of life and experience. Second, even though I believe I am a very down home, non-churchy guy, in this circle I felt like I was in a whole different cultural context right here in Colorado Springs. And third, I am not as smart as what I think I am most of the time.

Finally, as a minister it seems no matter where I go, I cannot escape being a minister. On the plane, in a home, at a restaurant, I am somehow marked by my call to ministry. Which is simultaneously a blessing and a curse.

Of course, there are also some things that did not surprise me.

First of all, despite what most conservative Christians may think, most of our neighbors around us do have a deep spiritual hunger. They want to connect with God. They want to have a life changing spiritual experience.

As I talked to a couple of the guys, it was very clear that they were not as much against Jesus as they were the church and church people. Which is totally understandable. I often feel the exact same way. But as I talked and listened to my new friends talk about the shallowness of materialism and greed, the importance of simply loving your neighbor, and their passion for an "authentic spiritual journey", I could not help thinking that many of the people in my church would be surprised to be in this situation and having this conversation.

What stands in my new aquaintences ' way is the same thing that stands in most folks way. What is that? The three S's

sex--Most can't relate to a conservative Christian sexual ethic. Even more, they have a hard time relating to the people in church that seem to carry such judgement around these issues. So they stay away.

substitutionary sacrifice--Most people can relate to the resurrection and the teachings of Jesus. Most people have a hard time with the Cross. The cross is always the stumbling block. It is fine to agree with Jesus. It is hard to believe that the cross is the only way to salvation.

surrender--Christians have put themselves in a battle for culture. Many non-Christians avoid Christianity because they feel they will have to surrender to a conservative ideology.

So, often I am left to go back to my study and my closet, and ask myself again, what things as a part of my faith are non-negotiables, and what things are simply preferences. Which makes me think about something else. As much as Christian people ask spiritual seekers to come and learn from them, how many Christians are willing to let the Spirit teach them through spiritual seekers? And if we are lot willing to learn, how can we be asking other people to learn from us?

Quotes from Leaving Church by Barbara Brown Taylor

When I first saw this book I picked it up in the bookstore and started reading away at it, and I could not put the book down. So I ordered it from Amazon and am now almost through with it. It is a brilliant book about a persons call from the world into ministry, from ministry into church, and from the church into the world as professor and a chaplain to the world. Strange as it may seem from the title, I have felt more of a tug into vocational ministry after reading this book, not less. Although, it does arouse my latent dreams of someday being a professor and a writer.


Does anyone ride in a car without one day wanting to steer it? (xiii)


The only thing worth writing about is the human heart in conflict with itself--
William Faulkner

I distrust people who know well what God wants them to do, because it always coincides with their own desires--Susan B Anthony

The effort to untangle human words from the divine seems not only futile to me but unecessary, since God works with what is (p. 26)

I went to seminary the way some people sail around the world. On no particular timetable I let the wind carry me. (p.31)

Strange travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God--Kurt Vonneget

When I wake up in the morning, I can't decide whether to enjoy the world or change the world. It makes it to plan the day--EB White

I do not know how male clergy begin their jobs, but I begin mine by cleaning (60)

You never enjoy the world aright until the sea floweth through your veins, till you are clothed with the heavens and crowned with the stars; and percieve yourself to be the heir of the whole world..."--Anglican Priest Thomas Traherne

They eye with which I look at God is the same eye with which God looks at me--Meister Ekhart

True bliss is never more than a hair away from sorrow (97)

People of the Book risk putting the book before people (Arun Ghandi)

God is not found in the soul by adding anything but by subtracting--Meister Eckhart

If you are serenely to bear the trial of being unpleasing to yourself, then for Jesus you will be a pleasant place of shelter--121--Terese of Lisieux

Perhaps the truth depends on a walk around the lake--Wallace Stevens

The world for which you have been so carefully prepared is being taken away from you, by the grace of God--Walter Bruggemann

More quotes from fellow bloggers

Erin's quote from Dorothy Day

The Jesus of Our Day (on a Harley)

Chandra's poetry

Buck's comic strip

Footprint's in the Sand revisited

Baby blog of Gretchen

Becca's poem

Not as dumb as we want them to be

back on the wagon

I have gotten a little bit out of my fitness routine of late, and I am starting to feel badly about it. With trips around the country with kids, and lots of catch up work to do when I am not around, I have put exercise and eating right on the back burner. Darn it! Now I feel like I am having to start all over.

But tomorrow...I have said it here...I am back to the eliptical trainer and no more fast food or pop (except wednesday and sunday).

And that is final!

Links to the Outside World

Amy's New Breakfast Recipe

Guess Who Got a Job!!

A Birthday Wish for Me

A Man you cannot trust

Brotha Bucks multicultural experience

Quote from Kim

Mark Driscoll's rant against mainline churches

A professor talks about a student cheating in Bible class

Heaven as a BIG POD

I was reading Colossians for my Bible study and I once again read about storing things in heaven. I think this is a very interesting concept.

Is there a special section of heaven that has PODS just for storage of all our good deeds, or is it more like a hard drive? Or is it maybe the lock box that Al Gore got everyone so confused about in the 2000 elections? Or is it more like a social work case file?

Who knows, but it is good to think about already having lots of investments on the other side cause I dont seem to have a lot here! :)

Hand Me Downs

As I was thinking about giving certain things away in my home, I started to think about how many things that I have are really hand me down gifts.

The microwave I have is from somewhere in the 1980's, when they built them almost as large as a bus. It was a hand me down from an inner city elementary school teacher's lounge when they decided to update their microwave about 10 years ago. I am wondering if I will be fertile after using that microwave for the last 10 years or so.

The kitchen table was a gift from another pastor in Montana when her and her hubby (now Provost at Montana State University) decided that they needed to get a new family table.

Much of my golf clubs are hand me down clubs. I have one club that I have bought in my bag, a putter that I recieved in trade for my junior clubs, some clubs that I was given by my mentor in the Big Brother program that are probably from the early 70s, and some other clubs that a friend had a hard time selling at a garage sale so they were given to me. I think I could take a stroke a hole of my golf game with better clubs.

My endtable, nightstand/dresser, and tv stand are all hand me downs from churches I served that were trying to clear out storage space.

I dont drink coffee at home, but many of my coffee cups, and cooking utensils were hand me downs from Bethel neighborhood Center when I served there. When I graduated many of them did not have money to buy me gifts, but wanted to give me something, so they gave me things like can openers, wooden spoons, etc. I still have many of them.

And lets not talk about all of the books that are gifts from retrired pastors, from people I serve here to Eugene Peterson's garage of junk books or dual copies (I have a Hans Kung book from there).

What is the point of this? I dont know? Maybe that I spend a lot of time redeeming the junk that other people had that they cannot use?

A huge fear of mine

I HATE, fear and loath doing phone work and making phone calls. I will spend a whole day doing unimportant tasks in order to avoid talking to people, especially strange people, on the telephone. This is especially true in ministry. I feel whenever I call someone I am asking them to join something, participate in something, or do something. Thus, phone work in ministry makes me feel like a sanctified telemarketer.

And, when I am calling to talk to students, that is not all that easy either. Especially junior high boys. A lot of the boys I work with are not all that verbal.So trying to spark a conversation with them one on one is difficult, but trying to start a conversation with them in on the phone is near impossible.

However, I cannot put the phone phobia directly to ministry duties without considering how my phone phobia drives other parts of my life. For instance, I will drive across town to talk to a business face to face instead of talking to them via phone. I will also stew and stir about talking to a woman on the phone, even if I think that she might like me. And I would much prefer to text someone if it is only going to be a brief conversation.

The notable exception to this is talking with close family members and good friends. If I call you on the phone just to talk, know that I consider you a trusted friend. And, if I can talk to you for more than an hour, know that I really treasure our relationship.

Part of this stems from adolescence, and talking to girls I like on the phone and going into panic mode because I did not have anything fun or witty to say. I avoided phone conversations then too. Part of this has to do with my reliance on non-verbal cues in conversation. Having a small hearing deficit, and a larger one when I had allergies as a kid, I had to work on reading body language and facial expression as much as listening to the words people would say.

Anyway....I survived calling kids about this Sunday's activity. But not without sweating it out in the back of my mind for most of the day.

The Lord and His Prayer quotes

"Heaven and earth are to interlocking arenas of God's good world" (24)

"How can the Prince of Peace defeat evil if he has to abandon Peace in order to do so?" (27)

"Thy Kingdom Come: to pray this means seeing the world in binocular vision. See it with the love of the creator for his spectacularly beautiful creation; and see it with the deep grief of the creator for the battle-scarred state in which the world now finds itself. (31)

Jesus waited until his followers asked him for a prayer; and the reason they asked is becuase they saw what he was doing. Something tells me there is a lesson there. (35)

Scripture is full of stories of people who brought their deep natural longings into the presence of God, and found them answered by being taken up within his purposes. (43)

Instead of forgiveness, our generation has been taught the vague notion of "tolerance" (50)

Jesus was called to throw himself on the wheel of world history, so that, even though it crushed him, it might start to turn in the opposite direction (69)

Strength in my Weakness

I am not a handyman. I am not even a skilled day laborer. In fact, in our work in Gulfport, many of the youth were better at the jobs that we were doing than I was. When I paint, I end up getting as much paint on me as I do on the wall—literally. So, the week we were in Gulfport I put myself I the place of a utility man. Monday I was the gopher for two groups on the trip that were sharing one van. I spent more time in the halls of 84 Lumber, Home Depot, and Lowe’s than I had the rest of my life combined. Tuesday I helped in hanging sheet rock ceiling on one site. Wednesday and Thursday I went to help paint bedrooms and clean a fridge at another site. On Monday, I had the opportunity to sing Johnny Cash songs at the top of lungs with the resident of one home named Helen. Tuesday I was standing spread eagle in backyard of Harry and Gail’s home with Harry hosing me down to get all of the paint on me that I had accumulated everywhere. Most of the time I wondered if I was more of a burden than a help on the work projects we were trying to accomplish.

On day two, the day where I had to be hosed down by Harry in his back yard, I was exhausted and discouraged as I ended my day. When the youth were asked to share where God showed up for them during the day, one of the youth shared that they had seen God at work through me, the work I was doing, and more importantly by the way that I did the work that I was doing. I was shocked. Somehow, almost because of my vulnerability and weakness, Christ was shining all the stronger.

That evening we went and visited a church in Biloxi named Prince of Peace Baptist Church. When we pulled up the church campus looked like part RV Park., part campground, with a small church building added on. The pastor went on to describe how God had used their church to be a center of mission to hundreds of children, feed thousands of people, house medical missions, and provide homes for dozens of people in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. He described how they had been about this ministry non-stop for about a year, and that the kinds of post-Hurricane recovery ministries still have a lot of work to do helping people who have lost everything. This pastor shared with enthusiasm miraculous stories about how God has provided in ministries that he and his church carried out. Then, as he closed in prayer, he shared something that amazed me. “Please pray for us,” he pleaded “we only have eight members and we are getting tired.” It seemed that God had used this church’s smallness, weakness, and vulnerability to do more than he or we could think or imagine as well.
All of this got me to thinking. Maybe what God needs more than fantastic skills and abilities is a servant heart, and willing hands. And maybe instead of worrying how worthy and competent we are to do the ministry set before us, we should simply make ourselves available to be used and let God handle the results.
Of course you might have to remind me of this on the next mission trip when I have a hammer or paint brush in my hand……

Preferences and The Passion

The other day I was in a conversation with someone about worship, about different people’s personal preferences with worship. In the process I blurted out, “In order to truly worship, there has to be a part of the worship service that you hate.” And, I got the same quizzical look that I always get when I make that statement. (Which to a certain extent is exactly the point...to get people’s attention). But generally as I explain what I mean, people understand, and this person did as well.

Recently, I have also been studying the book of Colossians for our churh's CHOW Bible Study. The book of Colossians is a book about the sufficiency of Christ, and the truth that Christ is worthy of first place in our lives. And as I was reading the authors of the book Colossians Remixed states that one of the faiths that competed for the Colossians attention and in our time is faith in a global economic system. This faith produces an attitude that we should demand what we want when we want it for the lowest price possible. And this all consuming consumer culture not only has sway when we shop for some bananas and detergent (bachelor shopping list...can ya tell??), but it also creeps into the church unaware. Which makes us put the same expectations on a worship service that we do a deli sandwich—that it will be what we want when we want it.

The call to take up our cross and follow Christ, to be an apprentice of Jesus, asks something different of us. It calls us to stop demanding what we want when we want it, and to set aside Christ as our master and role model. This is especially true in worship, because the focus of worship is giving back to God time, thanks, and praise in response for all that he has given us. That is not, nor should it be an
easy task. Which brings me back to the discussion of our personal preferences and feelings about certain styles of worship.

For me, part of worship is joyfully participating in those elements of worship that I are not in my preferences for worship. For instance, if I ordered up worship like I ordered up a meal at McDonalds I would ask that we hold responsive readings and the prayer hymn in our worship service, among other things. I would also order up an extra helping of gospel songs, and these gospel songs would have bluegrass or country gospel accompaniment with lots of hand clapping. The thing is, worship is NOT about me. It is NOT about getting everything I want when I want it. Worship is NOT about making me feel good.

There is a sense, in my understanding, that our worship services on Sunday morning is about going to the Cross of Jesus and remembering his sacrifice. So I read along with the responsive readings, and I make them a part of my worship. I do it because it pushes me out of where I want to be and where I am comfortable. I tell myself, if Christ can go to the cross and die for me, then part of worship is dying to my preferences and what feels good for me. Even if that is only for a few minutes. So I try and lift my voice in empassioned expression, and read with my full attention. I find that my attitude changes my outlook.

If you watch me during the worship, you will notice that I am always looking around. This is because part of my life’s worship is loving others in the name of Jesus. This is as true on Sunday morning at 10:30am as it is Friday night at 11:59pm. So, especially in those moments in worship where what we are doing does not make sense to me or align with my preferences, I focus on loving others.

I don’t particularly like the hymn “Faith of Our Fathers” at all. When I was facilitating worship at a retirement community on a bi-weekly basis, there was a woman in my congregation that loved that hymn. So I learned it, and we sang it about every other month. The fact that it spoke to her heart and the heart of others about God’s faithfulness and goodness made it worth singing. Even if I thought it was a poorly-worded, somewhat sexist hymn that was almost impossible to sing to. I could never say I loved singing that hymn, but I could say I loved Rosie in Jesus’ name by singing it.

Since I have arrived here, we have identified ourselves as a family church. Coming to worship is sometimes like coming to a family dinner on Thanksgiving. We have younger members and older members of our family. Some of us occasionally invite visitors. We want them to feel like part of the family while they are with us. At a family dinner, there is always something that I really don’t like eating on the table. I hate sweet potatoes. Grandma makes the sweet potatoes with mushrooms on top. I take a tiny bit and eat it, because I know she will feel appreciated and loved if I do. And I feel good because I have made her feel valued and special. Sometimes we need the same attitude in worship. We need to put aside our preferences about elements in worship, from the music to the preaching, from what someone is wearing to whether or not we did everything in the right order in the bulliten. And, as we close our eyes to having what we want when we want it, I pray that we will see Jesus anew.

Ambition and the Gospel of Downward Mobility

I have been wrestling a lot with what it means to be called. What it means to be called to the Christian faith. What it means to be called to ministry. In other words, what it means to be an apprentice to Jesus in the very specific context of my life.

Part of the reason is that I have been trying to understand what is next in my life. I know that there is something next, that there needs to be some sort of change, but I do not know what that is right now or where that will lead me.

There is part of me that wants to make a next step UP. What I mean by that is that I feel like my next move should be in some way an improvement from my present situation. It should (hopefully) pay better, be closer to family, be a place where I can be more sucessful, and feel better about my life and its direction.

The problem is, I am not sure this attitude is the attitude that an apprentice of Jesus should have. When I came here, I came to a place where I felt like the Kingdom of God needed me. I came to a place where people needed my leadership, and I felt that I could make a real difference. Colorado Springs presented a new challenge...and it seemed like God was calling me to a place that needed just what I had to offer. It was not a step down in salary, but coming here was a step down on the ladder of success, in noteriety among my peers, and in number of youth attending our church.

At first I was a little excited by the challenge, but soon later it became clear that the Colorado Springs challenge was a bigger challenge than I anticipated. The youth group was smaller than I was told it was, the people were less willing to support the ministry than I was led to believe, and my job description was changed about 2 months after I decided to come here. And, after trying and trying, I am about ready to shake the dust from my sandals and move on to a place that will be more receptive to me and my ministry.

At the same time as I am continuing to feel led to look, I feel that my present circumstance is teaching me something. Specifically teaching me something about the Cross, and how to take up my cross daily. I don't equate my present hardships with the hardships of Jesus or Paul. Their experiences are unique to them. Yet, at the same time, I sense that my soul is in a very good place as I am allowing the awful ways I am being treated to somehow be formative for me in the long run. I don't really know the lessons I am supposed to take from this point in my life yet, but I do know that is has something to do with understanding that these hardships and heartaches at this present time are somehow making me more like Jesus..who suffered so much more than my current frustrations, and whose call was an infinitely greater burden to bear.

As I look, I try to be open to whatever God is calling me to. I have checked in on a number of different kinds of positions and places. Yet there is a part of me that wants to look for something "better" careerwise than where I am at, and there is another part of me that feels that I again need to be open to going where I am needed. And going where I am needed may not be easy or comfortable or fun. It might even be a lot like here, God forbid.

Right now....I am hoping for all of the above.

Becca's book meme

1. One book that changed your life: (tie) Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger by Ron Sider and Prayer by Richard Foster and Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen--All came at important times in my life, and helped me begin to answer my questions about how spiritual formation and growth are related to personal and social ethics ( I have yet to arrive to completely articulated answers).

2. One book you’ve read more than once: In the Name of Jesus by Howard Thurman--an easy one day read that continues to shape how I look at Jesus and the gospels

3. One book you’d want on a desert island: The Complete Stories of Flannery O'Connor

4. One book that made you laugh: Anything by Douglas Coupland makes me laugh and then go hmmm. Waiting for the new one to come out on paperback.

5. One book that made you cry: There might have been one or two but I cannot think of them.

6. One book you wish you had written: To Own a Dragon by Donald Miller.

7. One book you wish had been written: How to get skinny eating everything you want and as much as you want without exercising

8. One book you wish had never been written: Can't think of one

9. One book you’re currently reading: One?? I will give two. Death by Meeting by Leconi and Simply Christian by NT Wright

One book you’ve been meaning to read: Silas Marner by George Eliot

19th Century spin doctors

The other night I saw something interesting on CSPAN. It was about the Civil War era of United States History. As this historian talked, he shared about the Lost Cause Writers of the American South that were the spin doctors of the Civil War for the South. In particular, he was often answering questions about the character of US Grant, who later became the President. Both in his presidency and in his military career, Lost Cause writers tried to disparage Grant as "a drunk and a butcher". In fact, Lee ended up having a higher casualty rate, and Grant by most accounts was not the drunk that the Lost Cause writers and tabloids made him out to be. Nor was his presidential administration as corrupt--this was another way of the Southern former slaveholding elite tried to disparage him.

There is much more about the lost cause writers that is notable, including the attempt to spin all of the civil war around states rights and minimize the importance of slavery as an issue in the civil war. All and all, this account was very interesting.

Some of the main tenets of the Lost Cause movement were that:

• 
  Confederate generals such as Lee and Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson represented the virtues of Southern nobility, as opposed to most Northern generals, who were characterized as possessing low moral standards, and who subjected the Southern civilian population to such indignities as Sherman's March to the Sea and Philip Sheridan's burning of the Shenandoah Valley in the Valley Campaigns of 1864.
• 
  Losses on the battlefield were inevitable due to Northern superiority in resources and manpower.
• 
  Losses were also the result of betrayal and incompetence on the part of certain subordinates of General Lee. (The Lost Cause focused mainly on Lee and the eastern theater of operations.)
• 
  Defense of States' rights, rather than preservation of chattel slavery, was the primary cause that led eleven Southern states to secede from the Union, thus precipitating the war.
• 
  Secession was a justifiable constitutional response to Northern cultural and economic aggressions against the Southern way of life.

Quotes from Books: Which do you like best?

From Eat this book by Eugene Peterson

To know much and taste nothing---of what use is that?
Bonaventure

You can't hear God speak to someone else, you can only hear him if you are being addressed
Wittgenstein

From Beyond Foundationalism by Grenz and Fackre

Most human beings, of course, are not able to stand the message of the shaking of the foundations. The reject and attack the prophetic minds, not because they really disagree with them, but because they sense the truth of their words and cannot recieve it.
Tillich

From first to last, and not merely in the epilogue, Christianity is eschatology, is hope, forward looking and forward moving, and therefore also revolutionizing and transforming the present. The eschatological is not one element of Christianity, but it is the medium of Christian faith as such, the key in which everything in it is set, the glow that suffuses everything here in the dawn of an expected new day.
Moltmann

From a Hidden Wholeness by Parker Palmer

Do not speak unless you can improve upon the silence
Quaker saying

I pin my hopes to quiet processes and small circles, in which vital and transforming events take place
Rufus Jones

From Transforming Leadership by Leighton Ford

He was made like we are, that He might make us what He is Himself.
Iraneus

Managers want to do things right, and leaders want to do the right thing
Warren Bennis

My greatest fear for you is not that you will fail, but that you will succeed in doing the wrong thing
Howard Hendricks

Visions are the shapers of our thoughts
Thomas Sowell

Charism without character leads to catastrophe,
Peter Kuzmic

As weather shapes mountains, so problems make leaders
Warren Bennis

From Desiring God by John Piper

There is a kind of happiness that makes you serious
CS Lewis--The Last Battle

In some sense the most benevolent, generous person in the world seeks his own happiness in doing good to others, because he places his own happiness in their good
Jonathan Edwards

I saw more clearly than ever, that the first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day was to have my soul happy in the Lord. I saw that the mosti imporatnt thing I had to do was to give myself to the reading of the Word of God and meditation on it.
George Mueller

From Wild at Heart Field Manual by John Eldridge

The place that God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.
Fredrick Buechner

Beauty is not only a terrible thing, it is also a mysterious thing. There God and the Devil strive for mastery, and that battleground is the hearts of men.
Dostovestky

Yet we must be watchful, especially in the beginning of temptation; for the enemy is more easily overcome if he is not sufferend to enter the door of our hearts, but is resisted with the gate at his first knock.
Thomas a Kempis

If we would endeavor, like men of courage, to stand in the battle, surely we would feel the favourable assistance of God from heaven.
Thomas a Kempis

Inspirational Quotes: Which do you like BEST and LEAST????

from Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster

We do not want to be beginners. But let us be convinced that we will never be anything but beginners all our life--Thomas Merton

True contemplation is not a psychological trick but a theological grace.
Merton

Settle yourself in solitude and you will come upon him in yourself--
Teresa of Avila

Learn the lesson that if you are to do the work of a prophet, what you need is not a scepter but a hoe.
Bernard of Clairveux

True confession of evil works is the beginning of good works--
Augustine

The Christian should be alleluia from head to foot.
Augustine

From traditions of the ancients by Marcia Ford (a must buy for me sometime soon)

The Lord be with you always, and you be with him always and everyplace.--Claire of Assisi

Test all things; hold fast to what is good.

Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees
Victor Hugo

He who does not bow before God will not be able to bear the burden of himself--
Dostoyvesky

The deisre is your prayers; and if your desire is without ceasing, your prayer is without ceasing. the continuance of your longing is the continuance of your prayer
Augustine

To read without reflecting is like eating without digesting--
Edmund Burke

Read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest
Book of Common Prayer

Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance--
Carl Sandburg

We all write poems. It is simply the poets that write in words.
John Fowles

When the clock strikes, it is a good time to say a prayer--
Jeremy Taylor

Endeavor seven times a day to withdraw from business and company and lift up thy soul to God in private retirement
Adonirum Judson

What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul
Jewish proverb

What a man takes in in comtemplation, he pours out in love
Eckhart

Death practices have a transformative value. People in both the world of the Bible and in the modern world have used death to transform themselves or others.--
Rachel Hallote

Our language rightly sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the world solitude to express the glory of being alone--
Tillich

Secret Thoughts

I recently finished the book The Secret Message of Jesus. It was a fun read, and was more brilliant as it went along. Especially thought provoking was the subversive motif of hiddenness and secrecy. In the acknowledgements he acknowledged Dallas Willard and NT Wright as inspirations for the book. And then I remembered Dallas Willard discussed "hiddenness" and "conspiracy" in his book THE DIVINE CONSPIRACY. Which is something I am hoping to read sometime soon.

There were several other thoughts that McLaren had in his book, or inspired in me. Here are some things that made me think.

Where is our energy going in the church?
Miroslav Volf's book on Christian community talked about the themes of exclusion and embrace. McLaren touches on this a little bit in his book as well. Many churches today work hard at trying to defend their boundaries. When they do this their energy is expended toward EXCLUSION.

It is very difficult to push out and pull in at the same time. Your momentum either moves out or moves you and others in. Often times the evangelical church relates to the world around it like an inexperienced sumo wrestler. We wrestle around thinking we are trying to keep ourselves and our churches centered. To do this, we think it best to try and push the opposition out. And soon we find that we have spent so much time at the periphery of what our faith is about that we are stumbling just to stand still and keep grounded.

Instead, in churches, we need to keep returning to the center of our faith. The most important and central things in following Jesus. What would happen if we spent more time focusing on sharing God's grace, living in love with our neighbor, passionately apprenticing ourselves to Jesus? What if our energy was spent pulling people into the family of God, instead of defining who is in and who is out by theological tidbits?

Narrow exclusion and naive inclusion

McLaren uses these two terms to discuss how people misunderstand the way of Jesus. More conservative folks want to draw boundaries tighter and tigher especially when it comes to who is a part of the family of God. This is part of the reason I am not a part of the churches of my upbringing. I had no room to think or grow and learn.

But liberal churches err on the other side with naive inclusionism. Assuming that everyone is on the Way, that everyone is ready and willing to get on the path to God at one point or another. This is also not consistent with Scripture or love. Some people want to get as far away from doing what is right, from truly loving, from being connected to God as they possibly can. And there comes a point when God's love and God's grace means nothing if we are not free to reject it.

Promises and Prognostications

In speaking of eternity, end times, and salvation and the like, McLaren finds it helpful to distinguish between promises and prognostications. Promises are about God being faithful in a relationship with us, and vise versa. God keeps his promises to us--especially the promises which are clearly stated in Scripture. But often we try to make God's promises prognostications, especially in regards to the end times stuff. We do this by making the Word of God into an instruction manual, or make the book of Revelation a book of history in fast forward. God's word is about his love and faithfulness, but that doesnt mean we need to turn the raw, poetic, untamable Word into a farmers almanac.

As you can tell from my writing, I am still thinking on some of the things in the book. David Cho, does this help answer some of your questions?

What thoughts do you have?

ee cummings quotes

Unbeing dead isn't being alive. e. e. cummings

America makes prodigious mistakes, America has colossal faults, but one thing cannot be denied: America is always on the move. She may be going to Hell, of course, but at least she isn't standing still. e. e. cummings

Be of love a little more careful than of anything. e. e. cummings

I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes. e. e. cummings

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. e. e. cummings

The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful. e. e. cummings

Lyrics to DMXs new release LORD SEND ME A SIGN

In the name of Jesus
no weapon formed against me shall prosper (preach)
and every tongue that rises against me in judgment thou shall condemn (preach)
Lord give me a sign
For this is the heritage of the servant of the lord (preach)
And that righteousness is of me says the lord (preach)
Amen
Lord give me a sign

Verse 1 I really need to talk to you lord since the last time we talked the walk has been hard now I know you haven't left me but I feel like I'm alone I'm a big boy now but I'm still not grown and Im still goin thru it the pain and the hurt soaking up trouble like rain and the dirt and I know only I could stop the rain with just the mention of my saviors name in the name of Jesus devil I rebuke you for what I go through and trying to make me do what I used to but all that stops right here as long as the lord's in my life I will have no fearI will know no pain from the light to the dark Imma show no shame spit it right from the heart This is life from the start cause you held me down and ain't nothing they can tell me know Lord give me a sign

Hook (x1) let me know what's on your mind let me know what I'm gonna find it's all in time show me how to teach the mind show me how to reach the blind lord give me a sign show me what I gots to do to bring me closer to you cause Imma go through whatever you want me to just let me know what to do lord give me a sign

Verse 2 Please show me something I'm tired of talking to him knowing he frontin Crying bout life ain't nothing Cause you either be the one mad cause you trapped or the one huntin Trapped in your own mind waiting on the lord Or huntin with the word that cuts like a sawthe spoken word is stronger than the strongest man carries the whole world like the strongest hand with the trial and tribulations you never let us down Jesus I know you here with us now Jesus I know you still with us now keep it real with us now I wanna feel show me how please let me take your hand guide me or walk slow but stay right beside me devils tryin to find me hide me hold up I take that back protect me and give me the strength to fight back Lord give me a sign

Hook (x2) let me know what's on your mind let me know what I'm gonna find it's all in time show me how to teach the mind show me how to reach the blind lord give me a sign show me what I gots to do to bring me closer to you cause Imma go through whatever you want me to just let me know what to do lord give me a sign Lord give me sign (3x)

A tidbit from Leadership Magazine

Since 1970, the percentage of people who live with their parents increased 48 percent, from 12.5 million to 18.6 million, accourding to the US Census Bureau.

(Note from the Friar: this is even more significant since 1970 was the baby boom generation, where as most of the 25-35 crowd is the baby bust population...thus there are less people in that age demographic than there were in 1970...which makes the percentage of the population that is doing this even higher than the insight that statistics give us.)

Half-Content

Contentedness is a fickle thing with me. Sometimes I am very comfortable in my little job in my little place. Other times I struggle because I am antsy for something different, but I do not know what that is.

I admire stable people. People who are deeply rooted in their community, and who have lived in or near the same place most of their lives. I admire people who work in the same line of work doing admirable work for a humble salary their whole life. I envy people who have had the same friends since they were children or teenagers. Those folks that worry when they buy a new house after their kids leave home. The problem is, I am not sure I am one of those people.

I am not sure most people see this. I am the goofy, overweight youth pastor who has a mean Chris Farley impression. I am the bookworm who has always read something insightful or interesting. I am the storyteller whose eyes light up when I share something that happened to me, or a theory that I have about something I have observed. I am Friar Tuck, the minister with a little bit of an ornery streak.

But I doubt I have ever been content. The thing is, I am just beginning to own this truth. I have always thought I was meant for more than where I am and what I am doing. That their is something huge and powerful just beyond the horizon. That someday I was going to have the white picket fence with a wife and several children. That I was going to write a book that changed the world. When I was in 5th and 6th grade, people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said I wanted to be the President of the United States. And to tell the truth, I meant it. I thought it was possible. And I had this plan that I was going to go home and be a Congressman until I was 35, and then around my 40th birthday I would run for President.

I guess part of what I am saying as well is that I have a hard time living up to my own dreams and my own expectations. And I expect to get to these exalted places by doing everything right. And I expect that by doing all of the things that I was supposed to do or told to do that I would have somehow found success and high achievement by this point in my life. Instead I am a nearly 33 bachelor living in a one bedroom apartment, and struggling to keep a youth ministry afloat and my job in good standing.

And in those moments of discontent, I pray and I wonder, when is MY moment going to come? When am I going to find the love of my life, have the growing church, have lots of supportive friends that I can count on, and write that great work of writing that will change the course of history? When will I live up to my standards? When will I be able to hold up my head high and be proud, and know that my family and friends are proud of me? When will I emerge from being on the perpetual brink of failure to a rousing success as a human being?

It is really those things I am most concerned about. Most days I am happy living in a small place, having a decent car that runs, and being able to pay the bills. Deep down, though, there is this lurking feeling at the pit of my stomach that I am meant for something more, this hunger that my life has a lot of potential for a greater impact, and that I am failing. I tell myself (and others)--John Calvin wrote the Institutes at 26, Martin Luther King Jr. had already delivered the I HAVE A DREAM speech by the time he was my age, and the list goes on, and what have I accomplished? Nothing. No big splash. Just plodding along griding out ministry in struggling and/or dying churches.

And I wonder....am I alone in feeling this way? Am I being selfish? Am I setting myself up for failure?

Thursday I had a conversation with a former boss of mine. He was asking about my future. And I was telling him my dreams about the hope I had of leaving here at some point, and finding a church that would not require me to work at Walmart on the side to support myself. I went on that my coming here I feared had been this huge dowturn in my career that I might never recover from. He agreed that this might be possible from my perspective, and that he might feel the same way, and then he said, "Of course, when you think like this you are forgetting the Holy Spirit and how God can lead and what God can do."

Of course I tried to explain how I did include the Holy Spirit in my plans, until I got the realization that my life is not to be as much about including God in my plans as much as it is God including my life in his plans. And my job is to be the faithful servant of the King, the good soldier of the Lord of Hosts, the plodding farmer in the field. That the Holy Spirit is like a wind that blows where it pleases (John 3), and that my job is to hoist my sail to wherever that wind may drive me.

And I remembered what I tell people so often but forget for myself. That no failure is beyond redemption. That no dream is beyond fulfillment. That today has enough to be worried about. And that I can trust God with my todays and tomorrows, even when I cannot figure it out.

NT Wright Quotes from "The Lord and His Prayer"

That is why calling God 'Father' is the great act of faith, of holy boldness, of risk. Saying 'our father' isnt just the boldness, the sheer cheek, of walking into the living presence of the living and almighty God and saying "Hi Dad'. It is the boldness, the sheer total risk, of saying quietly 'Please, may I too, be considered an apprentice son.' It means signing on to the Kingdom of God. (pp. 19-20)

When we call God father, we are called to step out, as apprentice children, into a world of pain and darkness. And we will find darkness all around us; it will terrify us; precisely because it will remind us of the darkness in our very own selves....the temptation then is to switch off the news, to shut out the world, to create a painless world for ourselves...But if, as people of the living creator God, we respond to the call to be sons and daughters...then we are called to be the people through whom the pain of the world is held in the healing light of the love of God. (p.21)

This, then, I dare say, is the pattern of Christian spirituality...it is the rhythym of standing in the presence of the pain of the world, and kneeling in the presence of the creator of this world; of bringing those two things together in the name of Jesus and by the victory of the cross...and of calling God "Father". (p. 22)

Mission Trip Rankings

One of the kids in my youth group asked me how I would rank certain mission trips and conferences I have led youth on after just finishing my 10th big event in the last 8 years. Neither of the conferences were bad, but I am not big on conferences and both conferences I had other things on my mind that I was struggling with. Here is how I would rank them:

Professionally

#10 1999 trip to Kansas City
#9 American Baptist Youth Gathering at Estes Park (2004)
#8 DCLA (2003)
#6 San Diego (2004)
#6 Martin, SD (2005)
#5 Kansas City (2006)
#4 Fort Apache (2000)
#3 San Francisco (2001)
#2 Gulfport (2006)
#1 Tijuana (2002)


Personally

#10 1999 trip to KC--logistically, planning wise, and help wise this was a nightmare
#8 DCLA--great conference...but dont like youth conferences
#8 ABY Gathering---same as DCLA
#6 San Diego---great time with kids....site not put together ideally, and adult ldr problems
#6 Martin--ok. First trip with all middle school girls and one boy. Lots of drama
#5 Kansas City 06--Flowed well. Good leadership. Some kid attitude issues.
#4 Tijuana--This trip has grown on me through the years. Saw a whole new world.
#3 Fort Apache--My mistakes and vulnerability taught me and helped others know and trust me.
#2 Gulfport--A very affirming time for me in my ministry gifts and such.
#1 San Francisco--Doors to growth in compassion openned wide for me on this trip.

Meadowlark Lane

Moist tears
escape
fickle eyes
and
one almost trickles
down
his
black
face
as
he
looks
down
at his
shoes

Up
in the
sky
he looks
thankful
for
shelter
friends
blessings
given
and
recieved

Calling

No fireworks
No waters
parting
to point
to
what's next

No voice
from heaven
giving direction
like a
divine
traffic light
telling me
when to
turn
and
where

Just a
hunch
a
sense
that keeps
me
stepping
and
hoping
for
sunlight

Tessa's Choice or Half-Hearted Discipline

I take
a breathe
and hide
beneath
a
book
as
infatuated teens
try to
steal kisses
adults
unaware

They take
a
breathe
and try
to hide
behind
magazines
thinking
I
won't
see
them peck
and
giggle

I scold,
wag my finger,
smile,
and laugh

Trying to hide behind a book on the plane

 

East side of Ship Island--our saturday outing

East side of Ship Island....looks like a postcard doesn't it?





 

At least the sign made it

A picture of the golden arches and what was left of the restaurant...about 100-200 yards inland from the beach 

Still Standing

A picture of the devastation in one house that survived the storm along the beach 

Sheila on Tuesday with Miss Helen...the woman we were working with to fix her home

 

The group I worked with on Tuesday

Mike, Ian, Emily Craig, Kayleigh, Emily Chapman, and Zach 

I've got a great pair of legs and it shows

 

Colorado Springs Pics

This is a pic of the two churches from Colorado Springs on the mission trip to Mississippi.
On the left is Shelia and her daugher Paris. Then there is me in the middle. On the other side is Bill and Ben in back. Then Emily and Regi in front. Regi is the youth pastor at Emmanuel Baptist Church. Kayleigh missed this picture. 

Rooms I painted

Proverbs from CT magazine

If you can talk, you can sing
if you can walk , you can dance.
African Proverb

Worry often gives a small thing
a big shadow
Swedish Proverb

Man plans; God laughs
Yiddish Saying

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book
Irish proverb

When elephants fight, the grass is always the one that suffers
Swahili saying

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is today
Chinese proverb

From Friday in OCC with Jen