Pulpit Rock Hike

This summer we are doing some hiking with our youth. We have a very kind man who has initiated this ministry, and it has been exciting to see him pitch in and get excited about a project tied in with youth ministry.

Our first hike, for most hikers, is an easy hike. Not so for me. I tried to hike it with my friend who is leading this hike, and was challenged. (I guess any hike for a fat asthmatic at high elevations during allergy season is a challenge) And since it was not the actual hike, I skipped the hard part. Last Sunday, we did the hike for real. We did not have a great turn out of youth (some folks were busy, some don't like to hike), but the folks that did come had a good time of a "prayer path" experience of hiking up the mountain bit by bit while praying as we went.

I was happy because I made it to the top, did not fall down (like I did on the practice run), and got to spent some quality time with the few people who wanted to show up.

Maundy Thursday Meditation

I have worked with teenagers as a pastor leading youth ministry for nearly 12 years. There are a lot of fun things about working with teens. They are fun to watch grow and change. I even still enjoy road trips and overnighters. I must be honest though. On those overnighters and retreats there is one thing I have a hard time with. That one thing is the smell of adolescent boys’ feet, especially in late middle school or early high school. The odor once they take their shoes off is enough to make one’s eyes water.

You may laugh if you like, but I would like you to take a moment to consider what it must have been like for Jesus on that night in the upper room. Twelve men with old, threadbare sandals, feet caked with mud hardened with sweat, who probably had not bathed for several days. These were working men. They were men who walked at least 10 miles a day from the sounds of it. Their feet were disgusting.

Even more true to our own experiences, imagine what it might be like to be one of the disciples. I imagine the disciples arguing. Blaming. Whose fault is this? Who forgot to hire the foot-washer for this occasion? We can’t eat a meal like this with our feet dirty! Peter, its your fault! Why don’t you wash everyone’s feet? Why don’t you, John? How about Bartholomew? Nobody remembers his name anyway! Jesus takes a deep breathe.

And in the midst of their arguing, I imagine Jesus quietly working in the background in the commotion. He sets out a basin. He sets out a towel. Both in a place where nobody notices.

They begin to eat the meal with dirty feet.

Somewhere in the middle of the meal Jesus stands up, and walks toward the basin. He takes off his nice robe so he is just in his undergarments. He wraps a towel around his waist. (I think he does this both to be modest, and to signal the disciples about the role that he was taking.)

He comes up to the first disciple. He begins to wash his feet. Everybody gets a little uncomfortable. What is this future king, this one that throngs of people shouted “Hosannna” to last Sunday now doing? Is this one of his parables? Am I going to feel bad letting him do this a couple of days from now?

As they are thinking he finishes wiping one man’s feet clean and moves to another. And I imagine the disciples not being that different from those teenage boys in another way besides having smelly, dirty feet. I imagine them beginning to feel very self-conscious. Worrying about Jesus seeing what they might have felt was the ugliest part of them. I imagine as Jesus kept washing people’s feet it might have felt awkward, uncomfortable ……weird. I imagine the disciples may have felt vulnerable, and exposed. At risk.

Jesus continues to wash.

Sooner or later, Jesus gets to Peter. Peter is the drama king of the group. You know the type. Peter is the one that appoints himself to speak on behalf of the whole group. Every small group, every church, every job where you have to work in teams has someone like Peter.

“You think you are washing my feet?” Peter says.

“Uh-huh.” Jesus replies, “Just do it…you will figure out why I am doing this later.”

“No way,” says Peter, “you aren’t touching my stinking feet.”

“Unless you let me wash your feet, you are not on my team!” Jesus says.

Jesus goes on to say he washed the disciple’s feet to show them the importance of serving and being served. To set the standard.

You will notice the command, if you read on, it to wash one another’s feet. Not to simply be the servant, but to receive service too. Not simply to offer grace and forgiveness, but to seek and receive it as well. Jesus in his last hours sets an example for each of us to seek a servant heart. But, he does more than that. He creates a serving community as well. A community of mutuality. A community that seeks to be Jesus’ hands and feet, but is humble enough to admit we need to be open, honest and vulnerable enough to allow our hands and feet to be washed as well. To trust Jesus at the basin and the towel means that we trust Jesus to make us a community that realizes that we need Jesus and we need one another to be made clean, to be made faithful, and to be made whole.

Team Process Theory--More learnings about my ministry

Warning: What is written below is written more for me than anyone else. Blogging helps me clarify my thoughts and feelings, and get feedback from people about what is on my heart. If you disagree with me now, I may agree with you tomorrow. If you don't like the way I am thinking through my problems, you are welcome to refrain from reading. But, since this is one of the few venues I have to speak, be heard and be supported outside of my closest friends and family, I plan on continuing to write.

One of the insightful things I have learned about teams at work was about the nature of how teams develop.

The process looks like this:
--Forming
--Storming
--Norming
--Performing

Although not a perfect straightline process, this is a progression from the first to the last part of team development.

A team starts with forming. In the forming stage we get to learn a little bit about one another, what our gifts are, who everyone is, and exactly what our tasks are as we begin to learn together.

Stage two is storming. Sometime after forming a team and getting it going there is almost always a storming period where there is tension or discord in the group. People disappoint one another. We realize that people cannot live up to the idealizations we have set for them, or that they have advertized themselves to be.

What I found interesting about this theory, and I tend to agree, is that all teams have to go through a time of significant storminess and conflict to be a high functioning team. If one avoids conflict and dealing with the storminess, either because of transition (people move on because they don't want to deal with the conflict) or because of avoidance (the team avoids the issue), the team slips back into the forming stage or is perpetually in the storming stage.

So then, if a leader looks at a team that has gotten to know one another, and there is conflict, this conflict should be seen as a blessing. Why? Because the conflict shows that the team is growing. It is moving past the saying and doing what is expected, and beginning to have real movement towards a goal and toward synergy.

It seems central then, that leaders do their best not to avoid conflict. I will admit this is hard for me, especially being in a position where I have little to no power. Conflict often feels like loss to me. I feel very alone in conflict, especially in a church where I am very clearly "the outsider" demographically, in relation to history together, as well as in relation to leadership influence. Nevertheless, conflict should not viewed as disunity. There is no unity without honest disagreement and conflict. Unity is often formed through working through disharmony.

The norming phase seems to be about adapting. Once we have moved through conflict, we become real with ourselves and one another about our limitations and strengths. We seek to support one another, and reorganize our team in a way that seems to be good for everyone.

Once we have normed after the conflict, then we can move on to being a high-performing team.

On our staff at work, and in my youth ministry teams, it seems like we are so eager to avoid conflict that we never really get to the norming stage, much less become high performers. Part of this, I believe in both situations, is due to a high rate of turnover. Since 2000, our church staff has been through 4 youth/associates, 3 children's ministers, 3 secretarys, 2 financial administrators, and we have had to cut 1 visitation minister.

It is also due to our inability as a congregation (including but not exclusive to the people I work with) and as staff to deal with diversity of thought in a productive, proactive manner. We don't know each other well enough on our staff to get to the point where we can empathize and understand one another. And, as we work in this departmental structure of ministry (as opposed to something more intergenerational and wholistic) everyone is scrambling for support for the ministries they were called to lead.

One of the things that has happened here at our church lately is that our congregation has been forced to deal with a lot of storminess. My friend Ken said that he believed that this was a pruning work of Christ's church by the Spirit. I think there is a possibility that the way we have and will respond could make that a reality. But, it will take some hard thinking. It will also force us to confront some difficult decisions that our congregation has not even began to process through.

Will we ever move through our storming phase? I suppose we will have to wait and see.

Moving past blaming (even myself)

Last week everything was getting to me. It seemed like one problem was piling onto another with the ministry, and there was no way I was going to climb out from under it with any sort of future. It took me over 20 minutes to get my socks and pants on one morning, and I cried about every day that week (I usually cry once a year or so.)

Things still do not feel like they are going well. But I seem to have gained a little bit of perspective, thanks to a quick lesson on team dynamics and some focused thinking on my time here in this place.

When I came to Colorado Springs I was clear that I needed a strong team around me in order to implement the kind of ministry God was calling me to lead. I emphasized team ministry so much that the Senior Pastor sarcastically asked me if I do anything else. I was assured when I came that we had a team in place to do youth ministry.

When I arrived, it was made clear that I needed to recruit a team of people to commit to working with the youth weekly for the next year in the first week and a half without knowing anyone. Thankfully, we had a middle school sunday school teacher. I was automatically put in with sr. high, and I found a couple of people to work with me.

Of course, I came here after having being told that we had 15 middle school and 25 high school youth attending youth group each week. When I showed up, we had 9 kids for the first outing, and 7 kids for the first month of youth group. That was middle school and high school combined. I don't think the people on the committee lied. Actually, it quickly came to be known that none of those people were directly involved with the churches youth ministry, including the youth representative.

From the start, the ministry I tried to lead had a lot of anger and baggage. In the last 4 years, they had four different people in my position. Two had been asked to leave. One had been a strong leader that did a lot by force of personality, and left after a little more than a year (as most people who do things by force of personality do in youth work). The other was the children's person who had filled in half time in the interim period. As a result, there was an alternative youth group within the church that refused to come along and support the church's offficial ministry. There were powerful parents who were unwilling to support a summer trip to most of the places we looked at. And, we had leaders who from the start tried to run the group themselves. Not to mention, each of the leaders was gone at least 1/4 of the time with the youth group I was leading.

Nevertheless, we gained a few people and grew a little bit in that first year. On our trip, we had people drop out at the last minute, and other people decide they were going to jump in and go for the ride to San Diego. Most of the kids had a good experience, but the adult leadership was difficult to deal with. And, by the end of the first year, one well-monied powerful family was out to run me out of town.

I went on vacation at the end of the summer, came back, and the family that had a difficult time with me blamed it all on my weight and appearance and wanted me disciplined. Even though I led the youth on two major trips that summer (they had done one in the last four years), I was told that I did not fit the image they wanted to project.

So, this along with our children's minister's departure from staff meant that I had to start the team over again. The only folks that really stayed around the whole year were my friend Dan and his future wife Jennifer. Other people we had on board would come along for a couple of weeks and then resign their position in working with the youth. Nevertheless, we grew a little bit more. That summer we had a trip to South Dakota that was a little bit smaller, but it was full of younger teens with a lot of energy.

The next year we transferred our middle school sunday school teacher up to youth ministry. By the fall of that year we had doubled in size from our original 7-9 kids, and we had new teens visiting each week. It felt like we had synergy. Our youth team was also antsy with what was going on with the rest of the church and was pushing a alternative worship service with me leading it. Things felt like we had forward momentum.

Starting in the fall of 2005 the youth team started being more animated about the need for a second worship service. They went to my boss, and each told him seperately that if he did not support the second service and push it forward and advocate for it they were going to leave the church. So, my boss came into the meeting I was leading and basically forced the service ahead in November 0f 2005. I was holding out for making sure we had a core group of leaders and musicians to lead, plan and set up the service to make it a ministry that was going to be viable long term, and not lay on the shoulders of too small of a group. I lost.

The service went from January to May 2006. By May, the core team had gotten burnt out and tired of change not coming fast enough, and they stopped being committed to helping with the service. It died. And with the death of the service, both families began to seek other places to worship. Once again I had to start over with a new team of people. I was devestated by this, but comforted because I seemed to enjoy strong relationships with these friends in spite of their departure. So much so that both couples have stayed committed to the young adult ministry I lead to this day.

Starting in the fall, the worship wars ensued, with the more powerful lobby pushing a more traditional worship agenda. More people left during this time as the worship moved in a less kid friendly direction. In November, in addition to our tug of war about worship, we also began a congregational spat over the homosexuality issue. More families left at this time.

Unfortunately, we have not been able to find people who are willing to committ on a weekly basis. The junior high Sunday school teacher I had lined up to teach after Christmas dropped at the last minute. My service activity leader refused to show up or help plan any service activities. In November, our worship people with youth group left the church and thus could not help with youth group. Last month my small group leader with three children in youth group left the church looking for a larger church with better preaching and a larger youth group. As the second family left I again got the "Its not you...." speech, and they offered to be a reference and explain the difficulties of the challenges I faced to future employers.

At the same time that the homosexuality debate was beginning, one of the couples that had been helping me with youth group decided to return with their teen daughter. As they have returned they have been more and more critical of our youth ministry and my leadership of it because of the loss in numbers.

Last week this all came to a head for several reasons. First, the couple that returned wants to make the youth room into a coffee bar, which would not always be a bad thing. It is, in fact, a really good idea. The problem is, we do not have a cart or anything like it, so it makes our youth area another place where we cannot run and play and goof around (basically like everywhere in our frumpy church). When I disagreed on the location for the coffee bar, they got angry with me and made my whole ministry miserable.

At the same time I had a parent/teen meeting to discuss the future of youth group. In this meeting the parents and teens basically told me that if I was a more charasmatic, exciting leader than everything would work out a whole lot better.

There were a lot of other things going on as well, and it seemed like at the time I was most depressed I had more things piled on my plate to deal with than I could bear. I about just threw in the towel by Sunday afternoon.

On Monday, I had time to reflect. As my girlfriend came over after her staff retreat to work on team development, I had an epiphany. First of all, with my skill set it is extremely hard for me to get things done without a committed team of supporting people around me. I am an intelligent, strong strategic leader with a lot of gifts. I am not the charasmatic,entreprenurial type of person that can make something out of nothing by force of my personality.

I am a plodder who does my best work in a group of people that have been committed to helping me for quite a while. This is why our young adult ministry is sucessful. I have had a consistent weekly team of people doing the same ministry with me for nearly four years.

I am beginning to move past blaming for what has happened, both blaming myself and blaming others. Our church has been falling apart. I have not had a consistent team. Other people have all had their own issues to struggle with and deal with as well.

There is no use blaming myself for the problems at First Baptist. It is not all about me.

There is no use blaming God for sending me to the wrong place. I have to trust.

There is no use blaming the people who could not hack being a long term part of the youth ministry. They each had their own issues.

There is no use blaming people who attack me. The Lord is my shield and defender.

The only option now is to move forward. And to begin to look for what God has for me next, because what it feels like what this church needs right now is someone else besides me.

A Deliverer

Please follow along with me as I look at our screen and read our Scripture text for this morning.
(Turn and read Matthew 2:13ff with fine art)

This morning I want to take you on a different kind of journey as we look at what God has to say to us this morning. I want to take you through my process of discovering what exactly this short story seems to be about. For some of you this may feel more like Bible study than your normal preaching fare, and that is ok.

This method also means that you are going to have to pay careful attention, because we are going on a journey to discover what God has to say to us together, and like a good detective story or mystery, each thing we will learn will help us build toward our ultimate discovery of just what God seems to be saying to us through this text.

Are you ready?? I hope so.

I originally felt led to do this sermon because of a Christmas song I was listening to. Bruce Cockburn was the person I heard it from, but I am sure several other people sing the song as well. The song that really captured my heart was “Mary had a Baby”. It is a Negro Spiritual about the birth story of Christ and the deliverance of slaves to freedom through the underground railroad. Toward the end of the song it talks about coming out of Egypt. Over the last month I have pondered, what has Christmas to do with deliverance? And what role does Jesus’ impromptu road trip to Egypt have to do with the overall message of the Good News of Jesus Christ.

So I started exploring Matthew 2:13-26.

One of the most interesting things that we notice as we start looking over the passage are these Old Testament quotations that Matthew 2. There are three of them in the passage that we have chosen.

Out of Egypt I called my Son—From Hosea 11
Rachel Weeping in Rama for her children who are no more—Jeremiah 31
The passage that says Jesus will be from Nazereth—Isaiah 11



As we dig deeper we notice that these quotes are very significant for a number of reasons. Throughout Matthew 1-4, Jesus is presented to us as Israel personified. Israel is referred to as the Son of God in several places in Scripture including the one quoted here from Hosea. In fact, as you dig into the geneology in Chapter 1, it is organized in triplets of fourteen, to personify the three stages of Israel’s history—the period of the patriarchs, the period of the kings, and the period of the exile.

The implication from Matthew is clear. The history of the people of God is like a funnel. And slowly all of his people who are faithful has been slowly whittled down to a remnant of one. And when I use the word remnant, I don’t mean to use this word like we do in sewing circles where it is the scrap left over. I mean to use the word like we would understand it in Luke Skywalker Star Wars or Frodo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings. Where there is only one who is worthy to stand for us all, one worthy to represent us all, one able to save us. And in the history of that universe that one that stands for us all is Jesus. In other words, what we see here is that Jesus, by fulfilling the prophecies, by going into exile, by being delivered from the sword of Herod and the pain of exile, and by doing so in faithfulness to the instructions of God, proves himself worthy to be our deliverer. Our messiah.

Its interesting isn’t it? That the cross shows up so quickly in the story of Jesus. We tend to think of the manger and the early years of Jesus as some peaceful, blissful experience. Yet, as we see here, Jesus is a marked man from early on. He begins his life as a refugee and as the focal point of a brutal massacre. Mark Lackey was gracious enough to do our little powerpoint scripture reading at the beginning of this message, and it was interesting. We kept looking at pictures of the violence that Jesus was born into, and it took a long time to find the right picture. Couldn’t have too much nudity. Couldn’t look too violent. Might offend people’s sensibilities.

Jesus as our deliverer has no such qualms. He is born a middle eastern peasant is a barn full of manure with animals in a ruckus over a screaming woman trying to find anyplace with any sort of shelter and privacy to give birth. Far away from home because of the government made them traverse over rocks and around robbers to go register themselves to give Rome more money in taxes and tribute.
From the cradle to the cross he is surrounded by thieves and murderers, and the masses longing and seeking for something to hold on to.

Our time is no different. We need a deliverer too.

And whether it is in Bethlehem or Colorado Springs, God has no qualms in looking at our messy, confusing lives and entering into them in an effort to deliver us.

We tend to think that we have to have ourselves and our churches all cleaned up before we can be “God’s people”. And we look at our lives, and sometimes at our church and wonder why it is full of so many sinners. We wonder why there are so many people with wrongheaded ideas and sinful lives.

I remember struggling to build a young adult ministry in a previous church. We had a number of launches and restart. Finally, one time we caught fire with a core group of about six people. Half of them were related to one another. One of them was a former member of my youth group. And I will be direct with you…there lives were not where they needed to be. They were recovering drug addicts, mothers who had their children out of wedlock, racists, they were belligerent drunks who got into fights on the weekends and who called me to help deal with drugged up friends at 2 in the morning. And sometimes they helped out at church to do their court ordered community service.

As I tried to get other people involved in joining this group I found we had another struggle. And it had nothing to do with the rough and tumble lives they lived the rest of the week. It had to do with the fact that our core group could not get through our meal and bible study without a smoke break in between.

As we went this went from a concern of mine to a concern by some of my young adults and their parents that were involved in the church. And I shared my plight with a mentor of mine. And as I finished sharing she said something very wise. She said, God calls us to be fishers of men, and yet so often we expect the fish to leap into the boat of the church cleaned up and ready to go. But, she said, if we follow Jesus’ command to be fishers of men we should expect it to be difficult, messy, smelly work full of people who have all sorts of problems and in needs of all kinds of deliverance.

I would add to what my mentor said. It is about time you as a church become more real and honest about how you are here at First Baptist. You are a people desperately in need of deliverance. And it about time we become the kind of church that enthusiastically welcomes other people, like me and hundreds like me, who need deliverance as much as you do.

I need a deliverer. So do you. Even though things look bleak, we are called to have the hope that Jesus is preparing to deliver us. That is the first thing we learn when we look at the flight of Jesus.

Its in my hands as we speak

Even though it pays very little, and they may have low standards to actually publish what I wrote, I am happy to share that I have been published by a curriculum group that does Christian youth curriculum based upon the messages in music.

One goal I wanted to reach by 30 I have now reached. At 33.

On the WONDER of a good day

Today was a good day. It was a day full of hard work, lots of activity, and a little be-frazzlement, but I am thankful for this day.

I was concerned that I was going to get blank stares in Sunday School. We actually had a pretty decent discussion, especially toward the end. Even if the kids did get a little hyper with frappachinos and donuts.

I was curious to see how worship would work out. I preached today, and organized the service in a non-traditional way. Over and over again I heard how the service "touched" someone or "spoke to" someone. "I loved what you said," shared one of my freshman girls, "but I also just loved the way the service was set up and flowed."

A more mature woman said, "I don't know if you noticed all the teary eyes around you," another said when she called me, "But today was beautiful! You reminded us of who we are, and the choice we made to follow Christ."

A man a few years older than myself came up to me and said, "I could really tell that you love us and care so much about us as you shared. And we are not the most easy church to love. You didn't preach at us, you talked with us. That meant a lot to me."

Another gruff old man hunted me down, with his eyes welling up and his hands shaking, "Thank you, I needed that," and quickly skirted out of the sanctuary.

It is always nice to feel competent and appreciated. But, when I feel I have been used to make a positive impact in people's lives, it fills me with wonder and awe. Mostly, because in those moments, I know it is not me. I post this because I need to remember these moments, so I won't give up on the fact that I can still be used to make a difference in other people's lives.

Our youth group event also went very well. I spent most of my effort for our service scavenger hunt running errands and organizing the event. As I heard the kids share what they did, I had to smile.

The boys had a hard time finding the homeless folks in their usual haunts, but eventually they were able to give away the meals they made nontheless. Including two sack lunches to a man who had not eaten all day.

The gals went to the nursing home to sing to one of our homebound members, and they shared that as they sang more and more people came along to sing the songs they were singing for Doris with them by heart. And the more they sang, the more the crowd grew. Then they went around with their "free hugs" signs through the building, and gave often ignored people in institutional care hugs. I had given them a maximum amount of free hugs they could get points for. They kept giving more and more hugs anyway.

And as both groups spoke, I was filled with wonder anew. Somehow in this silly service scavenger hunt, in very mundane ways that may not have even been noticed by them or their leaders, God showed up again.

It was truly a wonderous day. I share a lot in posts on this blog about the humor, frustrations, and aha moments that make up my life. At the risk of some of you thinking I am bragging, I also wanted to share the beauty and wonder of a good day.

God bless in this coming Thanksgiving Week.

Everybody Has a Story--What Now?

Everybody has a story. That is what Steve Hartman said as Gloria continued to tell her story. You will remember we talked earlier about the loss of her son, how that drove her to sadness and despair, and how that despair drove her to God. Gloria, the childhood friend of my buddy June, tried and tried to have another child. But to no avail. And she thought she would never have a second chance to be a mom.

Until one day, she came to the realization. A child is a precious gift no matter where it comes from. So Gloria chose to adopt Lisa. And she invested her life in caring for this child that was orphaned, that had nobody else to car for her and love her.

“I always knew I was loved” Lisa says as the story turns to her “Always….always..” Gloria now has 3 grandchildren and works part-time at the propane store to keep active.

Everybody has a story. Everyone has a history. Everyone has life defining moments, whether tragic or joyful, that lead them to a decision. And in the story of each person’s choices on faith, each choice has a direction in life that flows out of those choices.

The apostle Paul has a complete life change as a result of his experience with God on the road to Damascus. He chooses to preach Jesus. He chooses to live a life reaching out to Gentiles with the good news of Jesus’ love and forgiveness. He chooses to travel the world and be persecuted by others in the same way he used to persecute others. And he calls it the best decision he has ever made by the time he gets to Phillipians 3.

Gloria’s life was changed by grace as well. She chose to keep giving herself in love because she experienced the forgiveness of God that made her capable of doing so.

The friend that I told you about earlier is now helping to lead youth group on Sunday night, and faithfully attends CHOW every week. He is noticeably different. His countenance is different. His attitudes are peppered with a little more kindness and grace than before.

I think churches do well at accepting people who are spiritually seeking into their midst most of the time. I think we do well at times helping people identify and trust the “God-moments” in their lives. I think we struggle to believe that God can transform us, our neighbor, our fellow church member, our church, our community, and our world.

The truth is, God is in the growth business. He means to make us “new creation”. The Scripture says if anyone is in Christ---NEW CREATION—the old is gone, the new has come”

Why do we have so little faith?

Maybe the smallness of our faith limits the God-sized things God is wanting to do?

Ya think?

Look at your life. How has grown you? How has your life a “new creation” of God’s?

If you want to know if your life is been changed by God, look at the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 6.

Are you growing love? Are you becoming more kind? Are you finding you faith (or trust) in God in your day to day life growing within you? Are you patient? Are you allowing God to teach you self-control?

Maybe you see God at work. Maybe you wonder.

It could be because right now you are at the crossroads. It could be right now you are needing to envision a new future. Maybe you are needing God’s help to be a better mother or father, a better husband or wife, a better friend or neighbor, or simply a stronger person.

What now? Where are you at in the story? Do you need to bring the wisdom and love of God into the story of your life? Let this moment BE THE MOMENT. The moment where a change was made. Where everything is different. Where you can envision a new hope and a new future. Where you can see all that God has in store for you right ahead.

Times they are a changin'--some thoughts on the professional world of youth ministry

At the Youth Specialties Convention, it has been very interesting to see both the differences in me as a participant in the convention and in the nature of this convention and youth ministry itself.

Changes in me

I experience this convention much differently as a 33 year old man with around 10 years of youth ministry experience than I did earlier in my youth ministry career. For instance, when I first came to the convention about 7 years ago, I was about the average aged person at these convention. These days, I look around and wonder if many of the folks that are here should still be in high school.

Also, I find myself coming to these events with a more skeptical attitude than when I was younger. I ask, which one of these folks are just pitching their products? I am definitely more aware of when I am being pitched by someone. Which of these folks have I heard everything they have had to say before? There are some people who do a few things well, but dont do a lot of things different.

Sadly, it is also hard to get as much out of what I am doing than in years past. I used to be able to get a lot out of everything. Now, many times, I feel like I am as knowlegable of those who are presenting on a lot of issues, and if not, I at least can quickly predict where they are going with things.

On a more positive bent, the contemplative stream within the convention has grown tremendously in both quantity and quality, which is from my perspective a very good thing. And as you can see, I have taken advantage of this. This may have ruined a lot of other parts of the convention for me.

Changes in the Convention

It seems to me like with 3 conventions things have been scaled back a little bit. This is just something I have been thinking about...a vibe I have been getting. At the exhibit hall, the giveaways are not as plentyful. The talent is not necessarily of lesser quality, but they there are less prominent acts than in years past. And, maybe because I am getting older, I have connected less with some of them (i.e. Family Force 5) The general session giveaways are also a little less exciting so far (of course this will change if I have a new Bible and WOW CD by the time I leave).

(We just got the WOW DVD Saturday night--one per church group)

Changes in the ethos of the Convention

When I was starting out, there were a bunch of things that seemed somewhat new that were happening. Mark Driscoll and Chris Seay were leading the Postmodern Youth Ministry workshops before "Emergent" started or the Emergent lines of books. At the same convention, the Godbearing Life had just been released by Kenda Creasy Dean, and the YMSP with Mark Yaconelli was just getting started.

Now it seems like youth ministry seems to be searching for the next big thing. I am anxious to hear about "Presence Centered Youth Ministry" and how that relates to this concern.

It is also easy to sense much like in the rest of the country, different factions within the Convention family are more clearly drawing lines. This was especially evident in Tony Jones' workshop, where he clearly and at several times defined "camps". This was helpful in Tony's case because he was very clear from the start about where he came from. But it was also just one example to point to the bigger picture that the ethos of the Youth Specialties convention seems to me to be very splintered. And, I think this is in part because of the loss of Mike Yaconelli, who was able to bring everything together and unify things.

Changes in the Youth Ministry World

The youth ministry world is becoming more flooded with resources and diversified in their presentation. Doug Fields seems to have moved much of what he does with Group Publishing (maybe in part because YS seems to have moved to the left a little theologically??). This is a good thing because I think Group resources with youth have really been struggling of late, and I think this will give them a good infusion of good resources and energy, as well as making Simply Youth Ministry more accessible.

In the publication world, Youthworker Journal has moved from under the YS umbrella. Which has diverified the offerings for publication media in the youth ministry world. And, with the cover article of the new YS journal being a contemplation by Bart Campolo of universalism, it seems that the new publication of YS has also moved closer to the mainline and emergent, and in a more theologically progressive (or less conservative--although I am trying to avoid the traditional labels because there are times I fall in either camp) direction.

All in all, the convention is very helpful, but seems to have lost a little bit of momentum. But I could be wrong about all of this.

A Strange Tipping Point

A young man comes into church. He seems like a normal high school boy. He comes to youth group more out of a quest for his girlfriend’s approval than for any sort of spiritual nourishment. In the midst of family turmoil and a search for something bigger than himself, he comes to ask Christ to come into his life. His girlfriend breaks up with him, and he is devastated. Somehow, this spurs him on to grow deeper in his faith.

A middle-aged man watches his father die. He begins to become interested in a woman that is part of a cult, and the cult swindles thousands of dollars. His son begins to have discipline problems. Somehow, in the midst of his misery he decides to turn to Jesus. And the very circumstances that you might think would cause him to turn away from God and even question God’s very existence are the circumstances that drive him right into a deeper, more committed, more authentic faith.

It is so strange. Ideally, you would hope that our personal growth would most easily come out of gratitude and blessing. It would be easily to logically conclude that people grow when we are in the ideal circumstances and environment. Sometimes I wish it were so. However, for many of us the opposite is true. It is those moments of failure, of crisis, and of trial that God seems to make himself most clear to us. As the Message translates one of the beatitudes into modern idiom, “Your blessed when you are at the end of your rope, because THEN (my emphasis) there is more of God and his rule.”

Crisis is an odd catalyst, isn’t it? It can be a tipping point to personal and community transformation, or it can be a tragedy that you get stuck in and really recover from.

Why is this? I think it is because moments of crisis put us at a crossroads in our life. We can give up or press on. We can ask “Why me?” or we can ask “What do I do now, Lord?” The difficult and painful moments of life puts us in a position where we can move closer to God or away from God. In those moments of crisis, it our responses and our attitudes that determine whether our tragedies, frustration, and heartache are somehow redeemed by God’s grace and love into blessings and triumph.

Road Trip

Yesterday our youth group joined other folks in helping glean fields in Alamosa. Our church is associated with a group called La Puente, which helps migrant workers and many other disadvantaged folks working and living in the Alamosa area.


This first pic is of us trying to glean what was left behind in the potato fields. Dig, turn, grab, dig, turn, grab.





















The second pic is a pic of some of the kids gleaning cabbage. We got around a pick up full of cabbage picked for the food bank.



























As you can see with the two gentlemen here, it was a windy day. That is why most of us had hoodies and breathing masks on. It did not help that most of the potatoes had been recently harvested.

Ambition and the Gospel of Downward Mobility

I have been wrestling a lot with what it means to be called. What it means to be called to the Christian faith. What it means to be called to ministry. In other words, what it means to be an apprentice to Jesus in the very specific context of my life.

Part of the reason is that I have been trying to understand what is next in my life. I know that there is something next, that there needs to be some sort of change, but I do not know what that is right now or where that will lead me.

There is part of me that wants to make a next step UP. What I mean by that is that I feel like my next move should be in some way an improvement from my present situation. It should (hopefully) pay better, be closer to family, be a place where I can be more sucessful, and feel better about my life and its direction.

The problem is, I am not sure this attitude is the attitude that an apprentice of Jesus should have. When I came here, I came to a place where I felt like the Kingdom of God needed me. I came to a place where people needed my leadership, and I felt that I could make a real difference. Colorado Springs presented a new challenge...and it seemed like God was calling me to a place that needed just what I had to offer. It was not a step down in salary, but coming here was a step down on the ladder of success, in noteriety among my peers, and in number of youth attending our church.

At first I was a little excited by the challenge, but soon later it became clear that the Colorado Springs challenge was a bigger challenge than I anticipated. The youth group was smaller than I was told it was, the people were less willing to support the ministry than I was led to believe, and my job description was changed about 2 months after I decided to come here. And, after trying and trying, I am about ready to shake the dust from my sandals and move on to a place that will be more receptive to me and my ministry.

At the same time as I am continuing to feel led to look, I feel that my present circumstance is teaching me something. Specifically teaching me something about the Cross, and how to take up my cross daily. I don't equate my present hardships with the hardships of Jesus or Paul. Their experiences are unique to them. Yet, at the same time, I sense that my soul is in a very good place as I am allowing the awful ways I am being treated to somehow be formative for me in the long run. I don't really know the lessons I am supposed to take from this point in my life yet, but I do know that is has something to do with understanding that these hardships and heartaches at this present time are somehow making me more like Jesus..who suffered so much more than my current frustrations, and whose call was an infinitely greater burden to bear.

As I look, I try to be open to whatever God is calling me to. I have checked in on a number of different kinds of positions and places. Yet there is a part of me that wants to look for something "better" careerwise than where I am at, and there is another part of me that feels that I again need to be open to going where I am needed. And going where I am needed may not be easy or comfortable or fun. It might even be a lot like here, God forbid.

Right now....I am hoping for all of the above.

Mission Trip Rankings

One of the kids in my youth group asked me how I would rank certain mission trips and conferences I have led youth on after just finishing my 10th big event in the last 8 years. Neither of the conferences were bad, but I am not big on conferences and both conferences I had other things on my mind that I was struggling with. Here is how I would rank them:

Professionally

#10 1999 trip to Kansas City
#9 American Baptist Youth Gathering at Estes Park (2004)
#8 DCLA (2003)
#6 San Diego (2004)
#6 Martin, SD (2005)
#5 Kansas City (2006)
#4 Fort Apache (2000)
#3 San Francisco (2001)
#2 Gulfport (2006)
#1 Tijuana (2002)


Personally

#10 1999 trip to KC--logistically, planning wise, and help wise this was a nightmare
#8 DCLA--great conference...but dont like youth conferences
#8 ABY Gathering---same as DCLA
#6 San Diego---great time with kids....site not put together ideally, and adult ldr problems
#6 Martin--ok. First trip with all middle school girls and one boy. Lots of drama
#5 Kansas City 06--Flowed well. Good leadership. Some kid attitude issues.
#4 Tijuana--This trip has grown on me through the years. Saw a whole new world.
#3 Fort Apache--My mistakes and vulnerability taught me and helped others know and trust me.
#2 Gulfport--A very affirming time for me in my ministry gifts and such.
#1 San Francisco--Doors to growth in compassion openned wide for me on this trip.

Racism and ol' Sigmund

When I lived in Montana my final year I had a small group of freshman boys. Some of them were popular. One of them I had to drive home from church everytime he came to youth group. His name was Jim. His parents lived in a trailer. His dad was a trucker. Many would have considered them rednecks.

Thus, when I was driving Jim home one night I almost had to pull over due to uncontrolled laughter when Jim and I had this conversation:

"Clint," Jim said

"What are you thinking?" I answered

"You know after we had this conversation about racism and how it was wrong and all that," Jim relplied (Our teaching for that week corresponded with MLK Jr. day)

"Yes," I answered trying to focus on the winter road in the dark and look out for deer.

"Well...I have this theory....I think racism is stupid...and I think all racism is penis envy." Jim said animatedly.

I didn't really have an answer for him. I was laughing to hard to say a word

The Herd mentality

In the last couple of weeks, I have come to the conclusion that middle schoolers, and especially middle school girls moved in herds. When I share this with adult leaders I have worked with they were amused. When middle school girls hear this they are offended--it makes them sound too violent and too much like animals. Which, is why the junior high boys I have been around say it is so appropriate.

The herd imagery works for several reasons.

1. Middle schoolers are migratory and nomadic--For years I have tried to meet and relate to middle schoolers in their own habitat as a part of my ministry. Although it is possible, there are more effective and inneffective ways of doing it. With adults you can sit down and visit and have a nice long conversation while both of you stay seated. Not so with middle school youth, and especially girls. They are always on the move. On of them wants some nachos from the concession stand at a ball game. They announce they are leaving to get nachos. Suddenly 20-30 of the middle schoolers move in a herd to graze at the concession stand. Often all trying to copy one another and get the exact same thing. It does not help to follow. It does help, when meeting the middle schooler in their habitat, to be available and visible.

2. A clear pecking order--Wheras in high school there is a more tribal mentality of smaller groups, at least in the middle school habitats I have explored there is a clear pecking order. As well documented in recent literature, the pecking order boys looks more like a ladder and the pecking order of girls looks more like concentric cirlces, there is a pecking order none the less. And middle schoolers, tend to pick on and attack the weaker in their herd, leaving them the most vulnerable for attack from within and without the group.

3. Destruction and droppings--Look at a room or a place after middle schoolers have moved through it. Like the buffalo herds moving across the western plains, the middle schooler leaves a mess behind them and dropping everywhere to let you know they have been around. Have you ever been on a middle school trip where after everything is packed up you dont find a trail littered with droppings of wet towels, garbage, sunglassses, and clothes that have been forgotten or messily neglected? It is rare. Ever taken a group of middle schoolers around where things were not broken or spilled inconvieniently along the way? Again it is a rare thing to see.

4. Grazing--Wheras many of us do most of our eating at or around meals with a few snacks, if you watch middle schoolers they are constantly grazing on any edible thing in their path. Although there are exceptions with eating disorders, even the girls are heavy grazers at times. This often means that they will eat half a meal you paid $10 for and talk about how good it was and how full they are, and 15 minutes later will buy grazing food at the local 7-11.

Does anyone else want to add in properties of "herd" properties with middle schoolers?

Courage

More and more I am continuing to note the lack of courage in my life. And it really bothers me.

It came up again this Sunday. I was about to head out for church, and I got a phone call. It was from the camp director at the camp I am helping with. I had jumped in last minute to help with camp pastor responsibilities. After being with middle schoolers for a week, I said I could help at camp by doing camp pastor duties. This generally means giving a talk in the evening and being available to counsel with kids. Sometimes it also means leading Bible studies in the morning.

Well the leader said she is not doing any worship at camp...and she is handing the Bible study stuff, and she wants me to be a game leader.

Game leader?? And no pastoral responsibilites. And instead of just dropping in to fill in a loose end in the evening she wants me to be a cabin leader in evening with the boys. Arggh.

I was going to use this week to catch up and do a little bit of preaching and teaching at camp. Now since Friday I have to spend the night and lead games but dont get to do the things that are most important to me.

And what did I say? What did I do?

NOTHING.

This is what I am most frustrated with myself about. I did nothing. I couldnt think fast enough to respond. I could not take a break to really mull it over since I went straight from mission trip to young adult party to sleep and to church stuff all day.

Now if I am giving myself a break I would say that I dont respond well in the morning. I just say yes and ok. And I generally have time delayed frustration....meaning things dont bother me until I think about them.

But there is a deeper problem.

And that is that I often find myself acting like a coward. I want to stand up for myself more, but I dont. And then I get run over. And when it finally hits me I am upset, I am worried that I am going to look like a jerk for saying and doing something earlier.

This cowardly tendency showed itself on the mission trip I was just on as well. It was a wonderful trip...but I also had to deal with the most difficult attitude from a child that I have had to deal with in 10 years of youth ministry. Difficult both because it was so disrespectful, and because she was the most popular child on the trip with the other students. I kept thinking of ways to do some discipline with the student...but it seemed every solution either punished me or punished the other kids in the group. And the behavior was so subtle. I guess what I am saying is that I should have done more with the situation, and I felt like a coward for not being meaner or stronger with her. And the bigger part of the issue is....that her parents are the people and in the family which have questioned every one of my decisions and made my life difficult here. So part of me struggled to do the right thing in trying to keep her accountable...but also knowing that I had to be careful or her family would be after my job again.

But in the end...the problem does not as much lie with other people as it lies with me. I need to learn to be stronger and more courageous. I need to learn to not people and situations push me around so easily. And though I have grown a lot in this regard...I still need work.

I think part of the issue within me is that I do not trust myself enough. I dont trust my instincts. I dont trust my heart. I dont trust my experience. I want to be compassionate. I want to make people happy. I want to be competent and do what is expected of me.

But there are still some situations where I need to learn how not to be played and manipulated by people around me.

Dark Night of the Soul

This last 6 to 9 months have been the most difficult of my life emotionally. The problem is, I am not sure I can explain why. I have had more difficult times in my life than this...that is for sure. I have had times where my life is less chaotic or less secure. But for some reason, at least since fall, and especially since Christmas, I have had a hard time feeling very happy about anything. Or feeling like anything I do is worth a damn.

Part of this has to do with my work situation. While I have dealt with trauma and crisis is my work situation before, I have rarely had to deal with what is staring me in the face here at First Baptist of Colorado Springs. What is that you ask? FAILURE! Complete and utter failure.

For those of you not familiar with life in the church world...sadly it is a very competitive business. Especially when you work with youth. When you are a youth worker, the expectation is that you will draw youth into the church, who will in turn bring their parents, and thus your church will grow. And now...with my position as the young adult minister as well, I am expected to be a pied piper to bring them in as well. This pressure not only comes from within the local church you serve, it comes from the ministry world as a whole. If your attendance is not growing, than you simply are not doing a good enough job....and your whole livelihood and future feel tenuous.

This has not been that much of an issue at every other place that I have served. Because...while the church struggled to maintain attendance under the senior pastor, the youth groups at least doubled in my tenure in the churches I served at. I had frustrations, trials, and tribulations, but by every measure (individual students growth, leader development, numbers of kids at youth group) I was a success. And the same thing was happening here at First Baptist. The attendance was sharply increasing. The parents were amazed at how many kids were starting to attend. And then the bottom dropped out.

Not so much that our core people left, as they just chose to be less committed. One extended family had a major fight. Lost two students there...because they stopped coming with their cousins. Another family had major mental health issues. A student dropped out of high school and moved. Yet another family started up heading to the slopes to ski or going to tournaments to play soccer every weekend. Another family had extended family issues/crisis. And our little group that could had the same kids attending, but less regularly and less passionately.

Add to this that we began a second service, of which the weight falls mostly on me to lead and coordinate. And this service pushed our youth group time back, which in my opinion did not help us much at all with attendance at youth group.

Now as for the second service...I tried to put this service on the track to be led by teams of leaders who would plan and coordinate the service, and all I would do was put together the order of worship and teach. Well...the key leaders on this team (and also my youth team mind you) went to my boss and said that if the service was not started and soon that they would look at leaving the church. So...as the middle management of the church world as an associate pastor, I end up with all the pressure to push forward the service prematurely. Which means that I put a lot of work into it (like youth group) and it is poorly attended as well. Which makes me feel like....TWICE THE FAILURE that I was before.

And to be honest, I think that all of this is my fault. That attendance would be up if I was more charasmatic. If I was better looking. If I was thinner. Of course, for those long time followers of this blog, you know that part of the reason I think this way is because church leadership had a meeting with me where they said that I was too fat, dont have nice enough clothes, and generally dont fit the image they want to project...and that I had to make major changes or be out of a job. But part of the reason I feel this way is that I feel IT IS my responsibility to turn this church around. And that some how I am not because I dont measure up. Or because I am just a loser.

In my personal life I felt like I had some close friendships with people, and I think they would even today consider me their friends, but I feel like I have been abandoned and betrayed in the friendship. Both because they were a part of the team that did what I described in the previous paragraph, and because I have tried repeatedly to spend time with them only to be rebuffed. And I wonder...what is wrong with me? Not only can I not get work right, I am not good enough to be anyone's friend it seems. Why do I choose toxic people to be my friends?

And then there are my physical problems tied in with stress. There are a lot of times I can feel my blood pressure rising each time I come in the door. It takes me two hours of laying down before I can sleep because I get so upset and wound up in the political drama and that I might crumble under the weight of juggling all these different things.

Saturdays are especially difficult. Why? Because I dread Sundays. And I get nautious and I get headaches and sometimes I even visibly shake just thinking about how much I need to do and how much I really do not want to do it.

I am generally at the church from 8am-10pm. I have Sunday school to lead. Then I have to put on a different hat and help lead our traditional service. Then, I have a youth leader team meeting, and youth group, followed IMMEDIATELY by leading the second service. It is not so much the workload that bothers me. It is the innability to be present in each situation. When I am in youth group I am thinking about the EDGE service, and what I need to get organized in my mind, and whether the team is going to show up on time..(they usually dont). And when in EDGE, I am thinking about what happened in youth group...and frustrated that I cant spend the time just hanging out with the kids that are there afterward. And then when I finally get to EDGE, half the time it is so sparsely attended I want to quit. Then throw in fundraisers on the first sunday of each month, special outings, and sometimes I am trying to juggle five or six different ministry hats on Sunday...and I feel all alone in each of them. And I feel like I am working so hard to do a lot of stuff that I am not doing anything well. And you also need to throw in that I am leading a junior high and a sr. high trip, and that both my leaders on each trip quit the week that my mom went in for surgery on her neck and I went to Alaska...and you begin to see my drama.

(this is the point where you point out that ministers only work one day a week...right?)

(Little tidbit from personal experience I have learned--the amount of preparation for a group of 50 or 100 and the amount for a group of 10 to 20 is about the same.)

Anyway...it is not the busyness that bothers me. Anyone who knows me knows I like to work. The struggle is that
1. I feel like a failure
2. I feel alone in everything I do...which makes me feel like a total loser.
3. Because of the awful way I have been treated here by leadership. Having been told that I have to go on a diet for people to accept me because I did not fit their image. (Too fat, not nice enough clothes) Having been told that if I want to do the "authenticity thing" and be honest and real and transparent that nobody will support me or like me by my senior pastor, and having been manipulated by those I cared about most here, I don't feel like I can trust anyone either.
4. Because I am failing here...I am not sure I am going to be able to find another church without taking a "step back" in salary and position. So I feel like one poor decision (coming here) is going to cost me more than I ever imagined.

And all of this has led to me doubting everything I am and am called to be. To the core of my being....I am questioning everything in my life. I want to escape. And yet I feel trapped and stuck where I am right now.
I am waiting for the shoe to fall.

So keep me in your thoughts and prayers. And ask that this dark, dark time may soon fade into a glorious dawn of a new day.

New Music

A kid in my youth group used my computer without my permission when I was gone and uploaded $30 onto my account by accident. He told me to keep it. I was stoked! I purchased these three albums.

My fave songs on each:

Toby Keith
Runnin' Block (I know it is not appropriate but is a fun and playful story)
Get Drunk and Be Somebody
A Little Too Late
Hell No
(You should be able to listen HERE

Fogerty
Cenerfield (Fogerty)
Have You Ever Seen the Rain (CCR)

Shooter Jennings
Fourth of July
Steady at the Wheel
(You should be able to listen HERE

Also downloaded:
Seashores of Old Mexico--George Strait
Fightin' For--Cross Canadian Ragweed
Unwritten--Natasha Benningfield

As you can tell I was in a country music/southern rock kinda mood

Disappointment and Disallusionment

This poster epitomizes how I feel today. There seems to be nothing I can do right.

It has been like that the last two weeks. Had my identity stolen because I was a stupid moron. Had my car break down with over 300 dollars in repairs that were necessary. (uhhhm...put it on the card sir!) Last weekend's attendance at youth group and EDGE were both miserable. Led a meeting that can be described as nothing more than a total disaster on Tuesday. Bored people to tears in Bible Study on Wednesday (thank goodness hardly anybody attended that either).

Then I signed on with a spot on "my space" to have another point of connection with the kids. This has not been all that encouraging either. One person talked about how she was being forced to church, another person has lots of foul language liberally sprayed all over his sight, and the third person I know with a spot from our youth refuses to allow me to see her space. Then a couple of 14 year olds decided to sneak out and take their parent's car joyriding all over the city, and one of the key kids in youth group said he can't make it for a major event this weekend because he has to be at soccer practice. At least the first person clarified that she felt that way her first Sunday, and feels much better about things now. So even with the small group of students I have, I am getting nowhere.

Nevermind that I am single, (another failure in my mind), I am in debt (with the IRS needing its stuff by April 15), I don't have any friends here in Colorado Springs, and other than liking the way I rearranged the furniture in the house, there is not much happy going on with me.

That, along with increased work responsibilities, has made it hard to show up here and write interesting stuff as often.

Sorry for whining.

PDA

Ok here is one thing that really bothers me. Excessive displays of public affection.

I dont mind the old folks that hold hands in church that have been married for 40 years. That is kind of adorable to be quite honest.

But there was this couple right behind me here in Starbucks all over each other.

Geez.

When I was in high school my friend Erik, and a few of the rest of us got tired of this couple at a dance that was quickly passing second base and sliding into third. Erik decided we would do something. So about 4 of us just walked up right next to them....they were next to the wall....thrust our necks forward and just stared.

Sam and Kira noticed us and Erik just had this big huge smile. She said, "You are making us uncomfortable." Erik informed them that they now knew how the rest of the people at our dance felt.

Of course this is the same Erik that is now looking at prison for 40 years for sexual assault. Oh well, it was a funny story and a good memory.

We have the same problem at our church. There is this one couple that has to be all over each other constantly. Our worship service had a footwashing. They had to kiss after they washed one anothers feet. Then my friend asked if he could wash mine. I informed him there would be no kissing me afterward, especially if he planned to use tongue.

There are some times when it does not bother me. A couple walking on the beach holding hands. A couple with their arms around each other at the movies. So, it is not that all public displays of affection bother me. But sometimes it makes me really frustrated and really angry. I am trying to figure out why this is.

Here are some of the things I have come up with.

1. It makes me uncomfortable because it is taking private acts into a public sphere. It is the same as when people have restrooms in their home with NO soundproofing, and the user of said restroom does not turn on the fan or run water or anything and is having a vigorous bowel movement. Most of the time you can handle this without giggling, sometimes not, but it is not something you want to hear while you are eating dinner. Regular practice of PDA by some couples strikes me this way.

2. Sometimes when I am around people who are PDA people, you know it is more than a simple kiss or hug. It is foreplay. And yet I am stuck pretending not to notice or be involved, yet drug into the whole process at the same time. And my participation is not voluntary. I suppose it would be different if I was invited to participate somehow....but generally any mention of this behavior being uncomfortable offends people.

3. PDA is often exclusionary in a community setting. This is what I have taught kids as far as PDA goes at youth group. God likes kissing and hugging, and there is nothing sinful about it, but when we are all together it excludes you from others and others from you. Both because it makes people uncomfortable, and because it keeps you from being as open to befriending, getting to know, and caring about others in the group. That is why PDA does not bother me in some settings, because it is obviously a setting where people are together as a couple in the midst of the crowd, and their PDA-type behavior appropriate to that setting.

I dont know why this is all on my mind, except the couple sitting right behind me was basically dry-humping in the middle of a coffee shop, it was driving me crazy, and I was trying to figure out why it bothered me so much.