Life in Singleton:

My singleness journey:

I once was young. Now I am 31 and over the hill. I am still single. Go figure.

This was not the way that is was supposed to be. I was engaged at 19. I was supposed to be married and have all seven of my kids by now. The boys should be named after philosophers and theologians like Calvin, Luther, Augustine, Soren, Dietrich, Blaise..you know. The girls should be named after biblical virtues like Faith, Hope, Charity, Joy etc. (I don't think I would name a child Chastity because everyone I knew named that couldnt live up to the name).

Everyone I have ever dated in now married, many with children. I am having to come to the point where I am not sure I will ever be married, ever have children, ever have a true, meaningful romance that lasts longer than 7 or 8 months.

Now I am sure that part of this is my fault. I am sad that I must admit that there are times when I sit in front of Walmart and watch people come in and out and wonder, how can those people find someone to love and I cannot. I see husbands that treat their wives poorly, even beating them, and they keep coming back. I sometimes think that all of this is because I am too fat or too ugly. Yet I see happily married folks that are more overweight and uglier. I think it has something to do with me somehow being too difficult of a person to deal with. Perhaps there is some merit to this. I have also chalked it up to being a total coward as far as initiating romantic relationships. This probably has even more merit.

A couple of years ago I read a book about singleness. It is by far the best book from a Christian perspective on the topic. The book is called Singles at the Crossroads and it is written by Albert Hsu. And it has to do with the Biblical understanding of the gift of singleness.

Many people have understood the gift of singleness as a spiritual gift. This is not the biblical perspective. When the Bible talks about the gift of singleness it talks about the gift of marriage (I Corinthians 7). God says through the Apostle Paul that "one person has one gift and one person has another." Paul is trying to communicate that both singleness and marriage are conditions that are blessed by God. They are both gifted states, and we should live in a way that enjoys the state that we are in and uses the unique situations we are in for God's glory. As a single person I can be more flexible than the married person. I have more freedom than a married person does. Well a married person, especially with children, must love more exclusively, I can love people more inclusively. I am more free to live out adventures that many people married with children will never have the opportunity to have. Besides, isn't it better to be single and have the freedom to marry in the future than to be married and want to be single? I look at most of the people that I know, and I would never, ever want to have a married relationship that is similar to theirs.

Well, since reading this I generally have a better attitude toward singleness. Although the celebacy aspect of Christian singleness leaves me feeling like a total freak sometimes, and sometimes jealousy gets the best of me, I try to remember that singleness is a gift. And, when I do I try to use the gift the best I can. I also try to remember that each of us has a journey that God has set us on, and a purpose on that journey.

I am 31, single, with no hope of marriage in the near future. Their could be worse things. A lot worse.