Monday, March 26, 2007

Bathroom Humor

WARNING--TMI AHEAD FOR THE FAINT OF HEART

After a couple days of forgetfulness, I had to shop for toilet paper today. My Kleenexes ran out last night. So, between last night and this afternoon, I had to find toilet paper substitutes. Here is my list of substitutes for toilet paper in an emergency(not all of these have been used by me personally). Tell me what you would add to the list if anything.

1. Napkins from to-go restaurant purchases.
2. Dryer sheets
3. Facial Tissue
4. socks with holes in them that need to be thrown away anyway
5. Baby wipes

What else would you add to the list?

Another thought. You need to use the restroom at a place other than your home, and you know that...well...your stomach is upset enough that there are going to be noises, and you need to use the restroom urgently. You also know that there are no fans in the bathroom. What plans do you come up with to cover the noise and the odor of your impending bodily function?

1. Make an excuse to get out and go to the nearest public restroom
2. Run the water in the sink
3. Strive to contol the level of noise of your bodily function through vigorous restraint.
4. Ask to use the bathroom that is furthest away
5. Ask to have the TV volume turned up before you visit the restroom.

What else would you ask to add to the list?

5 comments:

renee altson said...

on list #2--

cough a lot. clear your throat. make loud verbal noises.

on list #1--

if you really have to - (i can't believe im' saying this) - newspaper but it's REALLY very awful.ht

lorna (see through faith) said...

at boarding school (in the 70s) we had squares of newspaper - with a hole punched inthe top - so that they could be hung next to the 'throne' ...

money-pinching nuns. It was awful - but no worse to be fair that the awful shiny loo rolls that the newspaper was substituted with ... esp for women it was awful because it wasn't absorbant in any way

in the early 80s we moved on and had 'real' loo paper ... but the school closed down at the end of the 80s - perhaps that expense caused bankrupcy.

PS we never run out of toilet paper - I stock pile :) Probably need therapy ...or something!

SUPER said...

It waste water..but flush at the precise moment of the impending "noise"! Flushing as you go also will help with the odor...to some degree anyway! ha

rubyslipperlady said...

I concur with the 'flush as you go' method.

It also helps to prevent any blockage in the toliet, which is bad enough in your own home but could be awful at someone else's.

rubyslipperlady said...

A bit differnt, but I have a freind whose mother was on her way to work and realized that she'd forgotten to put on deo. She scrounged around and the only thing that she found was some toothpaste. She said it burned, but she was minty fresh all day long.