Egocentric Frustration

I was trying to be good guy and play my part.

I did what I was supposed to do. I was trying to focus on the beauty of the Maundy Thursday service. The choir pieces were beautiful. The teens did a great job with the Scripture readings.

But then I got pissed off. At the one point where I was supposed to be looking at my own brokenness I was being judgemental and self-righteous. And not just a little angry. Almost walk into school with a gun and start shooting kind of angry (Ok, that is a little exageration I would never do that. Besides, foul the symbolic blood of Christ with this persons blood? Sacriledge!). What a selfish, self-centered bastard I am. But since I have not completely let my anger go, so is the person who I was fixated on.

It came time for communion. I started to feel myself shaking. Wanting to grab a hold of the bread and the cup to renew my commitment to Christ, and yet realizing that if I was to make this recommitment to the Way of Christ, I had to let go of my anger and unforgiveness. And yet at the same time, I wanted to hold on to this anger and this bitterness. Thus the trembling hands. A spiritual battle to be sure. But I let it go. I renewed my commitment to be a person who accepts forgiveness and forgives, even forgives sorry ass SOBs, because I am a sorry ass SOB as well.

THUS ENDS MY HOLY WEEK RANT.