Every time I am at church I am challenged to really worship...even if I am not leading it. Actually, especially if I am not leading it.
When i am leading worship I am more easily able to focus on connecting with others and with God. I feel things. I connect. I encounter the presence of God in a unique way.
But weeks like last Sunday, it is hard not going to church and being an observer and an analyst instead of a worshipper. I think...what are they doing here? Should we try that? Did he just say that? What publisher wrote that song? Look how they integrated their powerpoint with special music...I wonder how we could pull that together? It is hard to let go. It is hard to move from nitpicker to worshipper. From student to disciple.
Part of how I have come to deal with this is to bring my thoughts into a worshipful conversation. I think...I would have dealt with that passage different...and it moves me to think on and meditate about what the Scripture teaches.
The pastor last sunday used the phrases "jism" (referring to leftover liquid in a hollow egg) and "pull your head out". These were hard to ignore because such slang and words with double meanings would be cause for my firing...but it helped me thank God that my uncle can attend church with someone who can speak to him in everyday language since he has just been going back to church after about a 30+ year hiatus.
But it is still difficult. And I am not sure what all the answers are in overcoming this.
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I do a bit of the same thing as I worship in different places and it has it's benefit. I am usually able to sit back and relax though during the sermon, unlike what seems to work for you.
Again, I am sorry that you are not in a place where you feel you can be who God created you to be, dear Friar. I am praying for you.
O am such an observer that Easter poses a particular people watching problem for me. Is that what you mean?
It could be that since you are usually the one speaking and you have maybe a different belief or take on things that are being said, or maybe you feel when listening to others that perhaps you could have made a better interpretation of what is being said. I don't think I have to tell you to pray earnestly and don't give up on God -- he'll guide you through this.
About your comment on my blog -- I am curious about what you said about TBN -- can you explain? I would be interested in what you have to say about TBN.
It's difficult when you visit other places and see the things they do. Often times things are very different from what you are used to and it feels uncomfortable. Sometimes, like what I think you are trying to say, is that things are better than what you normally do.
I wish you weren't in a church that was so hard on you. You have a gift for presenting "The Good News" in a way that makes people feel comfortable. You don't use "stuffy" language that confuses people, and it's a shame that you can't express yourself like God intends for you to do.
Like Mz. Gig said...pray, ask the Lord to help you.
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer." ~~Psalm 19:14
God be with you Friar. *hugs*
Praise we do without even thinking about.
Worship, however, does take some concentration. It's so easy to get distracted by things that may be going at home, work, or even in the church. But the thing about it is, as soon as you let go of those thoughts and focus on commune with God, you can put those worries to rest in Him.
I hope that you can find a way to get past the atmosphere and worship the way you need to.
Blessings to you, love.
I think it IS difficult to make the transition from being in ministry to being ministered to - yet it's important we do so.
I find that delibreately focusing on e.g. the cross in the sanctuary and closing my eyes at some other times can help to meet with God beyond the one who is facilitiating me to do it.
I also pray for God to still my critical attitude, and to help me really hear (or see) the thing that He wants me too
and mostly I fail miserably.
but it's ok.
It's my personal experience that it's harder to have my feet washed than to wash those of anothers. Submitting to the worship service -esp in the same tradition - is one of the hardest things I know.
and too often we are - without knowing it- caught up in the office of minister - and that robs us of time (personal time) with God
sorry if this is rambling - but I SO identify with you - especially as I'm taking an enforced sabbatical right now and smarting at the edges and longing to serve.
sigh
be blessed. when are you heading home? or is that still unknown. Being a son to your mum is a great service and I commend you by the way. so hugs too :)
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