Sometimes I wish I could check my brains at the door.

I took my youth to a 14 hour youth convention today. Boy am I bushed.

Yet, for some reason I cannot turn my brain off. I wish I could. But the whole time I am listening I am having to discipline myself to listen and take what I can instead of to criticize and to analyze. And then my critical thoughts make me feel like a bad person. And I see all these masses flocking to this person who is speaking, and agreeing with him whole-heartedly, and yet I have a very difficult time getting people to read my blog, come to youth group, etc etc. So maybe he is doing something more right than I am.

Something about a full-scale warefare scene with flares and explosives and a woman yelling at her friends that they needed to enlist in the battle turned me off. I know the heart of what they were saying, which is like "faith is a whole-hearted passionate commitment" and "faith is an action word". But I keep thinking that it is a thin line saying that we need to enlist in the battle against evil and apathy in our world, and lining up and naming enemies that you are doing battle against instead of loving them. The kids seem to get the main point, let it all roll off their back, and then chase down Ethan from Albequerque for his phone number. But some sort of discomfort stirs in me. And I wonder if I am not being a team player. The youth are asked to shake their fists up in the air and scream. Christian group think scares me. But should it? Maybe some need that sense of support and belonging.

Also, they kept quoting this only four percent of teenagers in the next generation are expected to be biblical Christians. Where do they get these statistics? And why do they come immediately before the offering when you paid $50 a person to get in?

Then they pitch affiliated programs. I was frustrated with that too. It seemed like a lot of what they did was pitching their other programs and merchandise.

Why can't i be less cynical? Why can't I turn off this critical attitude?

On the other hand, one of the messages moved me to tears, and really challenged me. Helped me let go of some things I have been holding on to and shouldnt be. Yet, why does this other stuff keep creeping in on my thoughts?