Fruit of the Spirit

Initial thoughts about the sermon for Sunday 7.28. Wanting to share and get other folks thought and input.

Gastric Sleeve Week 5: Video Blog

Book Review of Hidden In Christ by James Bryan Smith

Hidden in Christ: Living as God's Beloved
by James Bryan Smith
ISBN 978-0-8308-3575-1
IVP Formatio
Reviewed by Clint Walker

I remember the first time I really fell in love with the book of Colossians. I was on a planning team for a regional youth event for my denomination in the northwestern part of the United States. And as the team that was planning the event, we decided to use Colossians 3 as our theme passage. We actually used the text from The Message, which seemed to strike me especially powerfully. The first two verses say, 

So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective. (Col. 3:1-2 MSG)

After this conference, I would return to this passage again. And, indeed to the whole book. I would remember my childhood preacher speaking about all of the "alls" in Colossians 1, and I would be moved.

As I got to be a preacher, and I wanted to speak to my congregation about the power of Christ, and the centrality of Christ in the life of the Church, I very quickly moved to the book of Colossians.

Most of chapter 1 and chapter 2 of Colossans teach about the power of Christ. In Chapter 3, the book makes a meaningful transition. Colossians Chapter 3 begins to teach about how to live in the grace and power of Christ as a believer. It is fitting then, as James Bryan Smith begins to teach more about how to live in Christ, that he creates a meditation on the truths that are contained in Colossians 3:1-17.

Hidden in Christ is a devotional really, but a devotional that really packs a punch. In this book Dr. Smith takes 30 words or phrases in seventeen short verses that bring out a truth that believers are called to live in. 

This book is wisely organized. In each chapter, there are some thoughts on the truth that is communicated by each small word. Then there is an "affirmation" or a sentence to meditate on that helps the reader take the truth of the passage with them through the day or week. Sometimes another spiritual practice is included. A prayer is added at the end of each chapter to help believers pray the truth into their lives, and then there are some brief thoughts and questions to reflect on. I have been reading a chapter a day, but the book could easily be used for a once a week devotional as well. 

I have been eagerly anticipating the next book from James Bryan Smith for months. This book is well worth the wait. It is a book you can read over and over again, and get more out of it as you go. And it is a book, that if you take it seriously, can change your heart and move you to worship. 

Coffee with Calvin: Daily Devotions by Donald McKim

Coffee with Calvin: Daily Devotions
by Donald McKim
ISBN 978-664-23681-6
Westminster John Knox Press
Reviewed by Clint Walker

I had just started in a youth pastorate in Montana. My senior pastor and mentor was talking about taking one other young guy, myself, and he to breakfast once a month for mentoring and study. He chose to have us read Calvin's Institutes. The Battle's translation. A big, two-volume behemoth. The tome cost me over $50 dollars. "I know it is expensive," he said, "but you have to do it." So I did.

I made it through about one-fourth of Calvin's Institutes then. I am a little further along since then, but 15 years later I have not finished it yet. Nevertheless, in the study I grew to love reading and probing the thoughts of Calvin. I don't always agree with him. But Calvin was so brilliant, so well-organized, and so well-written that he needs to be read, understood, and taken seriously.

Recently, I had the opportunity to receive a book based on Calvin's Institutes called Coffee with Calvin. Coffee with Calvin is written by Donald McKim, the living legend of Presbyterian publishing and the editor for John Knox Press. What Coffee with Calvin does is take little snippets of Calvin's work, explains them, and then gives practical advice on how to live what one can learn from Calvin in one's everyday life.

The book is broken up into different sections. McKim begins with some devotions on basic Christian belief. He continues on with a section on life in the church. The rest of the sections of this fine devotional fall under more practical headings such as "Anticipating the Future" and "Living the Christian Life". The result is a devotional that feels almost catechetical and confessional in nature, and thus has a unique beauty that most other devotionals do not have.

This is a great book, and would be a great study. This devotional needs to be pondered and savored. It is better not to rush through it. Having Coffee with Calvin should always take a little more time to listen and savor.

The Bariatric Rollercoaster

So last week was a good week. I lost 11 lbs. Which puts me down 36 since surgery and 56 since my first appointment and 66 since the beginning of the year. All in all that is not a bad start, but I have about another hundred to lose, hopefully by summer 2014.

The previous week I lost 4. And the week prior to that I gained 2 pounds. The thing is, I think I did better with my diet and exercise on the weeks that I lost less than last week. Go figure.

This sleeve journey really is a roller coaster ride. One week you are up, another you are down. Either way, you just need to keep charging ahead, trusting that if you are doing the right things than this whole deal will work.

Things that I am doing that I think are working:
Loading up with protein in the morning: 30g drink, 10g yogurt....this gives me more freedom through the rest of the day as far as when and what I eat...I think it is important to get in the protein first

Taking blood pressure meds--when I do not, I think I retain water weight.

Walking when I can--I am not where I need to be yet, but I seem to be making the right choices

Getting well rested--helps me feel much better

Things that I need to improve on
More exercise
Eating less crackers
Planning meals better

I have 5 more pounds until I get my first reward. Why five pounds? Five more pounds puts me down below what I was at my low weight with weight watchers. Also, my lowest weight in at least 10 years. I am a little nervous, because I am approaching a "plateau" weight for me, where my body likes to hover for a while. Hope I break through....

Book Review of Missional Spirituality by Roger Helland and Leonard Hjalmarson

Missional Spirituality: Embodying God's Love from the Inside Out
by Roger Helland and Leonard Hjalmarson
ISBN 978-0-8308-3807-3
IVP Books
Reviewed by Clint Walker

There have been hundreds of books written about the missional church movement. I might have at least a quarter of them in my personal library. This is because I think the one thing of central importance for churches is making the "missional turn" from attempting to attract people to their church to sending out their church members as missionaries and evangelist to "do church" outside the four walls of the local church. Too many churches put a heavy emphasis on gathering, but scatter with very little purpose.

At the same time, it is possible to be focused on being "evangelists", being "missional", and going out into one's community equipped to serve and reach them, and yet have very little spiritual depth as a congregation. The key as a church is to have spiritual depth, and yet at the same time have missional purpose and missional fervor. It is a challenge.

In Missional Spirituality Helland and Hjalmarson attempt to explain what a church with spiritual depth and missional energy might look like. At the beginning of the book, the authors attempt to identify the church within the world it exists in. Then, Helland and Hjalmarson strive to establish a theological foundation for a church that is externally focused. Following this, they seek to identify spiritual practices that equip believers to live their faith in the world, and to allow those believers to grow deeper and more united as a congregation. They base these practices on the Shema, or the Great Commandment. Every practice that they identify helps believers grow to love God and neighbor more powerfully and more holistically.

Missional Spirituality is both inspirational, and instructional. I was inspired page after page. And, I felt the teaching of the authors both comforted and challenged me as a Christian leader. This book just isn't a game changer, it is a life changer. I will return to it often.

Shallow Small Groups...so funny

Trying to find a new way in my new life

I want to be disciplined in so many ways, but I feel stretched so very thin. It is nobody's fault but my own. I have just gotten to a place in my life where it seems like my life runs me instead of taking charge of my life and running it the way I feel God leading me to do. Let me explain.

Recently, with my gastric sleeve surgery, both the PA I see post surgery and the nurse that is in charge of my health management have challenged me to make time for regular exercise. I have a hard time doing this. This was not always the case. There was a point in my life where I was able to work out for about 45 minutes a day when I was trying to get healthier. Setting aside that kind of time now seems impossible.

I also need to be more engaged in personal study as a pastor. I do not feel like I read enough or study enough. Instead, I feel like most of my ministry is running from the hospital to the nursing home, and then from a bible study to the office to hand out vouchers and catch up with phone calls. I need to take time to study and think if I am going to be an effective pastor. I used to do that. I am struggling doing that now.

I need to take time to make and maintain friendships. But when?

I need to learn how to manage my life. And it cannot be the way I used to do it. My life has changed. I have a wife and two kids. I serve a church that is more administratively demanding and needful of my direct input and direction than anywhere I have been. I am older, and less able to burn the candle at both ends than I was 5-10 years ago. But if I don't make room in my life somehow for a "new way" to play to my strengths in ministry, care for myself, and do the thoughtful soulwork I need to do I am not going to be the person or pastor I need to be.

So....I am still working, thinking and praying on this one.

Disappointment (and possibly failure) in ministry

It has been a hard summer in my pastorate here at United Churches.

Things started great enough. We had a great VBS led by capable leaders. The problem is, since the week of VBS, both old folks and younger families have not been nearly as regular in worship. Thus, attendance has taken a quick downturn.

I have wracked my brain on why this has happened. Is it the result of people's personal response to my ministry. Perhaps for some. There were a few challenging confrontations in the spring that people are still dealing with. Some of those we will get over. A few may abandon ship at the church temporarily or permanently. However, this is a small percentage of the overall attendance downturn we are experiencing this summer.

Another possible contributor is switching worship times for the third time in around 18 months. Right before I came here, we had two services. Then we had one at 9am. After that, by a narrow vote, we switched to 10am for services so that we could have Sunday School precede worship. As a compromise for those who wanted 9am services, we decided to have a "summer schedule" that ran worship at 9am again from Memorial Day through Labor Day.

There are a number of other concerns. An aging congregation. Younger folks that play a lot during the summer. Blah! Blah! Blah!

None of this was a concern last year when attendance was up for the summer. Of course, that was the "check out the new pastor" summer. But still.



So, I have been thinking. And I made a list I have noticed that there are a lot of people who are simply less regular this summer. I get that. There are folks struggling with illness. I understand that as well. But what does this say to our church and myself as its pastoral leader?

Part of me thinks this is a great opportunity to identify a problem (church attendance) and push forward toward some plans that have the possibility of growing our church. Also, I wonder if this situation challenges me to set different priorities for my ministry and what I am focused upon.

So, I am going to go to the board at church tomorrow, share the problems transparently, and seek their wisdom and insight as the church leaders on how we best address these attendance issues.

I enjoy this town. I enjoy our congregation. I want to be here a long time. At the same time, if it is my leadership that is not meshing with the church....they may want to make changes. We will see. As for now, I am disappointed in myself and this situation, and am doing a lot of soul searching and prayer about how to fix it.

Gastric Sleeve: One Month

I am now one month out from surgery.This week produced a four pound weight loss.  I have lost 25 lbs. 55 for the year. I have to say, I am a little disappointed in my progress, especially after I lost so much the first week and a half. Having said that, if I could lose four pounds a week for the next six months, I would be pretty happy with what I am doing.

In the last month, there have been a lot of nice things about the surgery. Our food bill is much smaller. I am not feeling as though I am starving, though technically I have a very low calorie count. People say that they notice a change in my appearance, especially in my face and in the way that my clothes fit. My wife seems somewhat happy that we are on this gastric sleeve journey together.

One part of this journey that is interesting about this journey so far for our family is that we rarely use the "big plates" anymore. We use the saucer plates for our meals, because that is about all we can eat. Makes for a little more room in the dishwasher. Especially since Jen and I now eat less than either of our toddlers.

In case you have not noticed, I still struggle with this whole process quite a bit. Although I get plenty of protein through dairy and shakes, I feel a strong longing for meat and protein. I miss eating. I enjoyed the Weight Watchers process much more, which was equally as successful for me, if not more successful at this point. Without getting to eat things like Italian food, Mexican food, and beef, I feel like the joy of a good meal has been taken away from me, and I wonder if I will ever get it back.

Here is another thing. When I was not on dietary restrictions, I rarely thought about food. Now, it is a topic that is always at the back of my mind. And, to honest, meal time makes me anxious. I am supposed to eat something, there is a lot of things I can't eat. There are a few things I can. When I try and test things out, I feel guilty and worried I will gain weight. When I grab another Greek yogurt, I am bored to tears as I eat.

I have been told often that I need to exercise more. I have not gotten in the swing of things. This is a very strange challenge for me for the last 2 years or so. Before that, my plan for weight loss would be to get a gym membership, lift a few weights, and hit the cardio equipment with passion. This plan worked. However, this plan worked in the pre-parenting phase of my life. Now it is get up, help get folks moving in the morning, get cleaned up, go to work, come home, get kids settled with dinner, bath and bed, try and have some semblance of an adult conversation with my wife, and then space out in front of the television for a few minutes after she goes to bed to wind down.

My health coach person told me to set aside 15 minutes here and there for walking, but to be honest, that feels like cheating the job. Especially lately, when the job has put me in a position where I am out of the office a lot. I think what I am going to have to do is schedule walks with people as part of my pastoral care with them.

Jennifer and I went out while Grammie was here and the kids were napping and looked at possible groups to join for exercise. We checked out Evans Plunge now that the city owns it, and we went to the golf course. The golf course has such large spacing between holes that they recommend that people use carts to avoid slow play (3 to 4 minute cart rides between green to tee on the back nine). This defeats the purpose of exercising through golf, and having to use golf carts makes it cost prohibitive anyway. The Plunge was a good deal, but a lot of the equipment needs upgrading. The othe gym is nice, but more expensive. No perfect plan for this kind of exercising initiative, but at least there are options, which is great for this small of a town.

So, my journey after one month is back and forth, incomplete, a struggle with some successes, with a realization that I have a lot of work to do and a long way to go. My goal I stated to my health management agency is 100 lbs post-surgery in one year. Which means I have 11 months to lose 75. I would prefer to lose a little over 125 lbs, which still seems a long way off.

Onward and downward I guess, hoping to descend the scale and continue to get thinner and healthier. I hope this presents an honest appraisal of the gastric sleeve journey after one month, and that it will be informative to folks that care, and helpful for folks on the gastric sleeve journey or considering the procedure.

Gastric Sleeve Journey: End of Third Week

The end of my third week was disappointing. I did not see the results that I wanted to see on the scale this week. It got me down. And when I get down, I want some pizza and a mt. dew. And, when I cannot have the pizza and mt. dew, I get grumpy.

Now, there are all sorts of reasons I have thought through on why I have stalled in my weight loss this week. For instance, I have not exercised enough. I have also been told to reduce my blood pressure medication and completely eliminate the water pill that goes with it. I have been upgraded early on my diet due to the dizziness that I was experiencing, and there is no doubt that this could have effected my potential weight loss as well. And, to top it all off, in 8 days I have had one wedding and two funerals in addition to my normal worship duties. Nevertheless, I was disappointed. Did I mention I have a hankering for some Mountain Dew?

There are a couple of things that I have begun to notice at this point in the sleeve surgery game. First, the dietary restrictions in the first month of the bariatric diet have as much do to with behavioral management as reteaching eating to patients as it does to what is best for weight loss and what the stomach can handle. I wish they laid out their rationale more in their teaching and literature. Perhaps they think that the patients are too stupid or rebellious to submit to something purely out of behavior modification, but it would be better than telling patients that they cannot handle some foods that patients discover that they can.

I have also noticed that this process is so much easier when you are a part of a couple on the journey of gastric sleeve weight loss together. When we sneak food that relatives bring in the house, we do it together, and when we struggle figuring out what to eat for dinner or lunch, we understand one another. I would not want to do this journey alone, like so many have to. I am glad if I have to do this, I am sharing it with Jenny.

Well, this is not well written, but you are now sufficiently updated...until next week....

DON'T BE IN A HURRY: Article for last week's Hot Springs Star

Don’t Be In Such A Hurry….

My daughters turned one and three in the last month. They are so beautiful. And I adore them. They are often, in many ways, eager to grow up as quickly as they can. Our oldest is excited for preschool and Vacation Bible School. Our youngest daughter is trying to climb up and over everything in sight, and wants to do everything her big sister does. These days, I try to help my oldest with something I usually assist her with, and she insists she can do it. Maturation is a healthy thing, but sometimes I want to say, “Hey little girls, you don’t have to be in such a hurry to grow up!”

The truth is, all of us hurry just a little bit too much. We are anxious to get the toys we need, and so we spend money we don’t have to get them now. We schedule and our families so we don’t have a spare minute, and then brag and pat ourselves on the back about how busy we are. We get in a rush to make everyone happy and do everything everyone wants us to, and then drain our energy and our souls in the process. We get way too anxious about too many things. We get trapped in what author Gordon McDonald calls “the tyranny of the urgent.”

It is interesting to note that although Jesus was clear about what his mission was, he was never in a hurry. He was not lazy. Neither, though, was he frantically flitting from one thing to the next. Some time people tried to hurry him up to get to the item on their agenda. He still went at his own pace, loving, serving, and caring for people as the Spirit led him to. He stopped to help a woman while he was on a way to heal a sick girl. He takes time to teach his disciples while they are journeying to see a dying friend. Jesus rose on the third day…not the third hour. Even in resurrection, he kept a consistent even pace.

I think we all need to slow down a little bit. St. Vincent de Paul says, “One who hurries delays the things of God.” The rushed anxiety that hurry creates makes us less effective in accomplishing the goals we want to accomplish. It also makes us more irratible, less grateful, and more difficult to live with. We need to remember that love is patient, and that one of the fruit of the Spirit’s work in our life is growth in patience. God brings about good things in his good time.

So, let us take a minute to take a deep breath. Let us work hard. But let us take times for rest, for preparation, for thought, and for truly savoring our lives. Let us live with the love, joy, patience, and peace that the Scripture promises for those who walk in the way of Jesus.

THE BLESSING OF BELONGING: Article for Hot Springs Star published today

THE BLESSING OF BELONGING

When I was growing up, my mother dated a gentleman for eleven years. She was waiting until he could overcome his issues with alcohol addiction before she married him. He died of exposure after a night of drinking in the middle of winter, passing out inebriated behind a school playground. He was 39 at the time. The same age I am right now.

One of my biggest struggles in grieving this man was that, even though he had been around more than my father, I had no claim to him. I did not belong to him by marriage or blood, nor did he belong to I. And yet, even today, I wish that those bonds were there. I feel it that having some sort of belonging with him would validate my sense of loss.

I think we all need to belong to others, and have others belong to us. That is part of what we experience in families. It is part of what we experience in the practice of community. For this reason, among others, I think we underestimate what it means to be a part of a church family.

Churches are not buildings. Churches are not institutions. Churches are first and foremost communities of people covenanting together to love and worship God and each other. And they are, in my opinion, one of the greatest blessings God gave humanity.

You do not have to do life alone. You don’t have to try and figure out everything by yourself. You don’t have to feel lost, like you are wandering in the wilderness. You can find a group of people that know God, and know that God is love. You can discover a community of people who admit they don’t have it all together, and are not perfect, but are striving to live in obedience to one who is, namely Jesus Christ.

Being a part of a church family is not always easy, but it is almost always a gift of God’s grace. It teaches us patience and longsuffering. It teaches us love. The church teaches us accountability and forgiveness. Even more, it teaches us that despite our faults and our struggles, and how the world feels about us, if we are disciples of Christ we belong to God and to one another. And, that is truly a blessing.

So go out this week and find a church. A church that is filled with the Spirit’s love, the Father’s love, and is committed to following the way of Jesus as it revealed in the Bible. You won’t regret it. 

Gastric Sleeve Week 3.1

Thoughts
After continuing to struggle with dizzy spells, I called the health coach. She talked to the doctor. They have cut me back on my blood pressure medication. My bp was getting quite low. Being without the bp medicine does seem to help me with not being so dizzy.

Being able to eat a few more things does make me feel more "normal" again. I don't always feel like I have to sit with a protein drink while everyone eats. I am still eating different things than everyone else though, which makes me feel a little sad.

A big plus is my clothes are fitting different. I even refused to wear one shirt because I felt like it was too big to wear anymore. Thies is good news.

While my waistline feels more under control, other things are spinning out of control. Attendance is down at church this summer, which is truly discouraging.

I am eager to go weigh in tomorrow. I am hoping to lose another 5 pounds since Thursday morning. We will see. A fella can always hope, can't he?




Food
Moved to puree and some soft foods

Yesterday
2 shakes
froyo w/ berries
1/2 serving of grilled talapia
2 eggs
lots of water

I have also discovered the joy of Greek yogurt, as it was suggested by my health care people.

Mood
Kind of down the last couple of days, my body is feeling out of control. I feel weaker and still struggle a bit with dizziness

Loo
Feeling good. Everything is working the way it should

Weight
Total 53 this year
43 since process began
23 since surgery

Quotes from Practicing Resurrection by Eugene Peterson--from the chapter on the Armor of God

When the tactics of fear are used in Christian communities to motivate a life of trust in God and love of neighbor, habits of maturity never have a chance to develop (p. 252)

When the church reduces its preaching and teaching to punchy slogans and cliches, it abandones the richly nuanced intricacies that bring all parts of lives into a supple and grace-filled wholeness (p. 252)

The practice of resurrection is thoroughly pacifist, but never passive (p. 263)

"Let us take the devil by the rear, and surprise him with a dose of those gentler virtues that will be poison to him, At least when the world is in extremities, the doctrine of love becomes the ultimate measure of our conduct."--Herbert Butterfield (p. 265)

Gastric Sleeve Surgery Week 2.3

The Dizzy Friar and a number of other random thoughts
I have spent the last couple of days moving slower. This is because I am very dizzy anytime I try and move quickly or begin any moderate activity. This becomes more scary because, well, I am a big fella and when the room starts spinning, my eyes go up in my head, and my legs get a little rubbery there is not much anyone can do or wants to do. Luckily I have not passed out yet.

I do not know what is causing this, except to say that my wife experienced the same thing the first couple of weeks as well. She is the one that checks message boards and community circles and stuff (I just look for blogs) on the topic.

This feeds into one of my fears about the whole process....becoming weaker as I lose weight. I am not the strongest guy around, but generally I am not the weakest. Although I am happy to lose some weight, I also want to be the big strong guy, both inside and out. It is kind of at the core of who I understand myself to be and who I aspire to be. In this process, I feel like I have been weakened, and I don't like it.

Sometimes I am wondering if I am losing weight too fast. 20lbs in 10 days. Then again, every day I have to say d**n, my clothes fit a lot better.

Another benefit of the surgery, we are spending A LOT less money. Not only on meals, but on things like pop or snacks or coffees.

I was told I could have puree by the end of the week. This makes me very happy. Now to look up bariatric puree recipees.......

Coming soon....the big motivators for losing weight....the wrongheaded ways people try to motivate weight loss in others....10 things I am looking forward to after losing 100 lbs....


Food
(sun)
2 protien shakes
pudding
g2
lots of water
4 oz instant potato

(mon)
minute maid light lemonade
water
strawberry shake
very small bites of quesadilla and strawberry
water
pudding
chicken broth
very small bites of noodles

Mood
Tired and wondering when I am going to stop being dizzy

Loo
Yes

Weight
down 20 since surgery
down 50 overall

Sleeve Surgery 2.2: Rewards

Thoughts

A few weeks back, Jennifer and I had a conversation about rewards for meeting milestones in our weight loss journey. What were going to be rewards we were going to look at? And at what milestones.

At the girls' birthday party, one supportive member of our church slipped me a little card to encourage me approaching the surgery. Inside was a gift to go toward a new suit--I assume given the context once I have shrunken out of the old one.

So, I have been giving this some thought. When do I look at a new suit? What other rewards might I set up for myself to encourage me on the journey.

Here are my thoughts so far: (all weights are "post-surgical")

If I lose 25 lbs...not sure yet...

If I lose 41 lbs...get a new dress shirt

If I lose 50 lbs....begin to look into adoption of another child (maybe)

If I lose 75 lbs...start training for a 5k

If I lose 100 lbs....new suit

If I lose 125 lbs....apply for D.Min



FOOD
2 shakes
1 snow cone
1 Gatorade
1 jello
4 oz instant potato
12 oz water

LOO
yes

MOOD
tired, discouraged

WEIGHT
n/a

Sleeve Surgery Week 2 Day 1

Thoughts

Today was a busy day. I ended up working until about 10:30. And, I started to the office a little before 9. Took a lot of work for one week after surgery. I have a lot to do tomorrow as well.

I said I was going to share one thing I was looking forward to after I lose some weight. The one think that I really want to do is to be able to shop in JCPenney and Fred Meyer's big and tall section again. JCPenney has a limited big and tall selection. So I usually have to buy shirts from places like Casual Male Big and Tall. My hope is that I can fit into some of their stuff by Christmas. And, perhaps, even be able to buy a suit off the rack at Men's Warehouse. I have a long way to go, but there you go...one of my goals.


Food
12 oz g2
22 oz shake
4 oz jello
4 oz instant potato (yum)
4 oz juice bar

40 oz water


Mood
Up and down. Very busy day.

Loo
Fine

Weight
lost 3 pounds in the last 2 days

End of Bariatric Week 1

Thoughts
Looking at this picture made me think. What I started to think about was my goals from my surgery. To be honest, I don't really want to be thin, at least like this picture suggests. That is not the goal of this surgery. I know there are people that want that for me. And they are entitled to their opinion.

What I do want to be is THINNER. I want to be mobile and healthy. The sleeve surgery will take off about 60 percent of my excess body weight. I am shooting, in the end, for a little more like 75 percent. 

I am not shooting for a BMI that will make the people who do those silly charts label me as in a "normal" or "healthy" range. I personally think the whole BMI thing is a lot of BS. If I could get to a normal playing weight that I would have had in football in college, that will be fine by me. 

I anticipate wanting to eat healthier as I go along, but I am still going to want to have some of my favorite foods. Just a lot less of them.

The next couple of days on this post I think I will share some of the things I am looking forward to as I lose weight.

Some good experiences today. Clothes that I used to struggle fitting into now fit well. Getting lots of good feedback from people at church. I have been amazed how supportive people in church have been of us having this surgery. Especially since some of the expense in coming out of our medical flex. But people have been very encouraging of our decision to get the gastric sleeve, and I have felt very little judgement. I am not sure every church would have reacted this way. We are blessed. 

Experienced my first day with real fatigue today. I am exhausted. Had a hard time forming sentences or carrying through with a thought in the afternoon. Had a moment where I couldn't really feel my legs under me after I got up, they felt like stilts. That was kind of scary. But I think they just fell asleep, just in a different way than I had experienced before. 

I have developed this habit of masticating food, and then spitting it out in the dog bowl before I eat it. I know this sounds like an eating disorder, but out of context limiting myself to this few calories also seems like an eating disorder as well. I want to taste food, even if I am not allowed to eat any yet. 

I have been thinking about my surgical hospital experience. I usually do not get too attached to medical personnel. They are professionals, and I am a customer they will probably not see again. Having said that, the staff at Black Hill Surgical Center could not have been better on the whole. I really felt like the nursing staff cared, and I connected with a few of them.

I am planning on a top 10 list of things not to do to help your friends or family lose weight, and why, but I am too tired right now. Some of the medical people in church said that one needs about six months to feel completely right after being under anesthesia. I am starting to believe it. I want to sleep a lot. Now I don't have the opportunity to do it, I miss it.

WHAT ARE YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT BARIATRIC SURGERY? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE? IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING, ASK AWAY.


Food
22 oz protein drink
8 oz sugar free jello pudding
24 oz g2
24 oz water

78 oz total

Mood
morning good
afternoon ok
evening was a struggle
feeling worn out

Loo
Nope

Weight
n/a

Bariatric Surgery Diet Day 4

It gets old having everything you eat have to be milky and soft. I am still waiting for the day that I can have something yummy and feel normal again. These protein shakes begin to get really old. Enough complaining though, because the weight is coming off. Perhaps a little bit too fast, but at this point I am not complaining. 

I am hoping to reach my low weight (another 25 lbs or so) with weight watchers by my next doctor's appointment.

I don't really feel all that hungry. And I have found that I can tolerate greater liquid amounts than many people who have a similar surgery. 

I had my one week appointment today. It was a positive experience. They were happy to see my progress.

The first thing the nurse said was, "Your surgery was awesome. I loved being there. Thanks."

I had never met the nurse before the surgery. So her first impression of me was watching me strapped down naked on a table. with a catheter eventually jammed up my penis, exposed to the world.  My first thought is, "Let's pretend we never shared the same space during the surgical experience." My second thought was to say, "I am glad I made such a great impression. I bet you will be even more impressed with me now that you get to visit with me in person."I get it though. It was her first sleeve surgery to observe. You never forget your first time.

The appointment went well. I have been upgraded from "clear liquids" to "full liquids". By the 21st I should be able to do "pureed liquids". 

Most people have been impressed with how rapidly I have recovered. 

Before surgery, I rarely thought about food. I just ate it. Unless I was forced to think about it while dieting. Now, I think about food all the time. I dream about eating. I look at food longingly. I find it hard to be present at dinner time when everyone is eating. That is not to say that I have hunger pains. I just miss the food, the ritual, the event, the whole process. 

Anyway...that is the rollercoaster. Happy for the results. Feeling accomplished. But really wanting to grab a whole bowl full of food, and shove it down, to heck with the consequences. All at the same time,

Food
15 oz protein drink
20 oz water
20 oz gatorade
1 cup pudding
I child size frosty ( I know, I am not supposed to)

Mood
All over the place.

Weight
Down 7 from Monday
Down 13 from surgery
Down 43 from January

Loo
Was told by medical staff to lay off the medication that gets stuff moving...thank God.