Stealing Signals, Timelines, Living in a Library and More--Another Rant on Living Single

Watch a football game or a baseball game. You will see people making all sorts of signals that do not make sense to the naked eye. They will be grabbing their hats, rubbing their arms, scratching their private parts, stomping their feet, and more. And somebody is understanding all this talk. But I am not.

The same is pathetically true as single man trying to understand women. I want to communicate. I want to be able to read the signals right to understand where they are at with their thinking and their interest in me. I don't want to be a stalker, or an unwanted nuisance. I also don't want to be a spineless wimp that never makes a play for anyone. So I try to read signals, pick up hints, and figure out if someone is interested. I talk to female friends about it. And I always end up messing everything up.

These days there is the neighbor woman. She is single, never married, and the same age as I am. And she keeps handing me her phone number and telling me to call her and we will get coffee sometime. And she invites me to her singles group things. And she uses "we" talk sometimes in a way that sounds hopefully couplish. I am not sure I am interested in her.

What I am interested in hearing from you all is: how do you know when someone else is sending you "signals"? What is the key to understanding the signs.

I have.....explored whether something was developing from a friendship into something romantic with two people. I will not say much about it here since both of these people are both personal friends and blog buddies. But in both situations (the first exploration something I thought about for a long time, the second more something like "What is going on here?") I thought I might be recieving signals. The first I responded with a bold move (3 dozen roses) while the second I responded with a clearly communicated question (see above). Both situations, I even asked female friends/relatives...is this a hint? is this expressing interest? In both situations even female observers thought there were hints and possibilities.

One thing I have learned though. At my age, it does no good to be hinting in return. Have direct conversations and cut through the crud. Even if she seems evasive, that is an answer in itself.

Speaking of age. Age is another struggle in understanding the single life. Many life's goals have changed and morphed. One has stayed the same, I want to be married and have children. Ok...that is not completely true. I want to have children, but I am not big on infants. So once they are verbal, potty trained, and not mortally wounded when you drop them or step on them....then I want children. Infants and toddlers scare me. And there is a fear that I will massively screw up the parenting venture. But that is another story....

Anyway...when I start doing the math it does not seem like a big family is as much of a possibility. Right now, if I were to have a child, they would be graduating high school when I turned 50. And that would just be the first child. And....when you are logical about this....how many good childbearing years does a woman that is my age have?

So I continue with solo living...which is kinda like living in a library. Only people talk in a library more. Some homes have a lot of hubub. Mine does not. And our office culture at the church I work at is not highly social either. Sometimes I feel like I am too social when I am around folks cause I make up for all the words I did not use the rest of the day. Which kind of freaks me out.

All the single people I knew as a young adult that were older...they had this single person's vibe about them. And although I really likes some of them, they creeped me out a little at the same time. Overly analytical. Overly judgemental, though benevolently so. I never wanted to turn out like them. I think I am turning out like a creepy single guy sometimes. Then throw in that I do kids stuff as a single guy....and we have a whole other set of issues.

Then there is the sex thing. As I commented on DRC's blog...I often feel like the almost 40 almost-virgin. And I do have multiple action figures in my office (if you dont get this watch the movie...the DVD came out this week).

Seriously though. Being single is one thing. Being single is a older church full of married people is another. Add to that being an introvert (although an outgoing one) and being overweight (though I am being on making limited progress with this) and it seems like I am hopelessly single and as a minister hopelessly celebate as well.

Strangely enough though, through it all, there are lots of things I enjoy about being single. Most of them are because I enjoy only having the responsibility of me...instead of a whole family.

What do you think?