Amy has this post about what is sexy. In it she says that confidence is sexy.
It got me to thinking. What have people told me is sexy about me? My mind. You have a sexy mind they say. I have heard this from several women I have dated. As a matter of fact, it is one of the most frequent compliments I get from women while dating them.
Which then got me to thinking, what the heck is a sexy mind anyway? Does that just mean that you are smart? Or that you are mysterious or intriguing? Or does your mind just work differently than other people's does? Or is it because I am confident in my intellect and am not afraid to share what I think? I am not sure. After all, I don't really turn myself on.
Then I got to thinking...what do I think is sexy?
Average to good looks are nice. Reasonable intelligence is also a plus. But what makes a woman sexy to me?
More than anything else, I am sad to say, it is someone who makes me feel glad to be me. Someone who makes me feel like I do things right, that I am somewhat attractive to them, that I am so funny that I make them laugh all the time, that I turn them on so much that they have to nuzzle me or touch me at every opportunity.
So then where do looks and intelligence and character come in? Well, to be honest, they are a reflection of me too. Basically, I could care less what size clothes a woman wears, or whether she has a mole on her cheek, or how in fashion her clothes are (within reason).
What do I look for then? What do I find sexy? A woman I can be proud to be with! When I have broken up with, or not gone on a second date with someone it is for this reason. At some point I was embarrassed or ashamed to be with her. Or she has seemed ashamed to be around or be seen with me. Both have happened.
This is also why shared values are important as well in a lot of ways too--because couples are in many ways a reflection of one another. And this is the challenge of break ups for many people....to be thought of or found unworthy by someone you think reflected you in a meaningful and powerful way.
Am I alone is seeing things this way? I don't think so.
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10 comments:
Absolutely ...you are not alone in thinking on these lines..same is the case here..I find a woman attractive when she makes me feel good about myself..and when she is confident in herself..when she is able to involve herself in meaningful discussion..when she listens and gets deeply into my thoughts and my personality..when she is able to bear my swinging moods..knowing that she will be able to bring me back to the light mood ..nice post!!
I can't quite put my finger on it. It is something inner, something that they just carry naturally on their person and it just glows. An aura that can't be described, just experienced.
No you are not alone at all. There has got to be this something special that comes from a person’s character that makes them sexy. I also agree that shared values are important as well as a person goals for themselves and a man that makes me feel good about myself is priceless!
I really enjoyed reading your post. It got me to thinking also. You brought out some good points and I believe that your observations are very true. I like a person who loves the Lord, is humorous and has an outgoing personality, treats me well, and believe it or not, I prefer shorter men (I guess because I am short myself). I think looks can be a plus but on the other hand a good personality will bring out favorable looks in anyone and also if the person has taken good care of themselves.
Nice one, that sounds about right. Mrs SN is all about sexy for me!
It is rare for me to find someone attractive just by physical characteristics. I often get to know someone, and BAM all of a sudden they are attractive in my eyes. Confidence is el numero uno.
Okay... Here's my honest opinion about the sexy mind thing. Women, stereotypically (and if they are completely and utterly honest) at least to some degree emotionally connect a lot faster than they do physically. They will lay down and die for a man who is willing to treasure them as the gem they are. I know it sounds old and chivalrous, but it's true.
A mind like yours is one that is not only intelligent because you read and are well versed, but is intelligent because of your ability to be insightful, to notice small things, to see beauty and to glean understanding. It's a patient mind, willing to work something out in your head. You collect quotes, small smatterings of thoughts from one big idea. You notice things. That's rare in this day and age and is considered to be an extremely good find.
When women get to know you and "your head" they know that they won't be a passing fancy, that you'll remember how they like their coffee, that you will remember birthdays, anniversaries and the story about the gift they got when they were eight years old.
Because these things are important to them, they need them to be important to the man they are with. Once they see you've valued those things...CONNECTION!
Mendy, you are right on! You nailed the dear Friar on the head!
indeed!!
there are some pretty people who have no sex appeal.
sexiness exudes from the inside of a person..a person who had a good head on their shoulder and who knows who they are, what they have to offer and believe that they are sexy.
I feel that the ultimate “sexy” is to find a person who you can feel utterly naked (in the mental/spiritual/emotional level) to feel so comfortable with that you know that you love them, and they you without fear of rejection. But perhaps this is more love than sexy, but where is that line?
M@
“ You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Dr. Seuss
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