Do I enjoy being single or not? That is the question.
Sometimes, like when I am wondering what the heck I am going to do on a Friday night besides goof around and/or work on the computer, then I think it might be a good idea to get married.
Other times, like when I am at my sister's place with babies and baby schedules I think, "There is no way in hell I ever want to get married and have children."
I like having a lot of "me" time, and I like being able to do things on my own time and in my own pace. Having a partner in life just complicates that.
For some of my single friends, they seem pretty clear about wanting to get married and have a family. My friend Amy has, as George Bush would say, a very strategeristic plan for her married life. She has a goal of being married by the end of 2006. That gives her about sixteen months to meet and marry the love of her life. Since her 32nd birthday is in November, I guess that means that preferable she wants to be well on her way to walking down the aisle before her 33rd birthday. Good for her!
Other single friends of mine are pretty sure they want to be single for a while. My buddy Mike spent much of an afternoon at a work social gathering avoiding a woman who was interested in him. He is recently divorced and not ready for anything new right now.
I am somewhere in between.
Of course it is crazy to turn romance into a business plan, but sometimes I weigh singleness and marriage in some sort of mental cost-benefit analysis thing:
Benefits of singleness
Freedom!
Quiet!
More time for friends!
More time for my mission and lifes work (the J-O-B)
Less relational conflict (lets face it marriages and romantic relationships take a lot of working through relational issues and conflict, and that is NO FUN!)
Drawbacks of singleness
Celebacy
lack of companionship
Benefits of marriage
SEX!
Other forms of physical affection!
Partnership/Companionship!
The joy of having someone to love and give your life to!
Two incomes!
The drawbacks of marriage
It is a pretty final decision! (At least I hope it will be)
Being tied down!
A bad choice is utterly miserable!
Nagging and all that stuff
So what would you add to the equation, and how would you weight each of the costs and benefits?
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When I was 17 I was certain I'd be married by the time I was 20, now that I'm 27 I've shifted to a stance of cautious optimism.
I read in Emotional Longevity that marriage has greater emotional and health benefits for men than it does for women. I don't think "it benefits the guy more than the gal" would go in my drawbacks category, but I do sorta wonder about the wisdom of putting an ultimatum on the issue. Unless the baby thing is a big motivation, in which the ultimatum is there regardless.
I'm a bit of a romantic and I think that, while the lists are interesting, they aren't gonna make one bit of difference to you when you meet that special-someone.
The timeline is a half joke anyway with her. So don't worry too much!
If I had the answer to that one - my life would be soooo much easier.
I was in love once and engaged to be married. I knew it was right when I put him first in all things and he did the same. I wanted the best in life for him and knew he felt that same way. Communication was open and most importantly we had lots of fun together even after dating for four years. Our engagement changed all that - he no longer felt the need to make me a priority. All that being said - I don't regret a single moment we were together.
I know that was absolutely no help. I'm as confused as you are!!
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