Enduring Suspicion and Embracing Vulnerability

Today, I love my job. I got lunch for one of my students and a couple of her friends and they came over to the clubhouse at my apartment and we sat and ate and talked. The sun was out. The girls were smiling. It is one of those days I was reminded why I do what I do. Because I love teenagers! And I love being a support and an influencer in their lives.

Then I came to the office, and there was a note that a new parent had called. She was concerned that we had asked her daughter's school in our registration materials. The parent was very polite and very appropriate. And, I think I answered her questions honestly and well. (I told her my first response when I heard she was asking this question was, "Because we have always done it that way and never thought about it", and my honesty seemed to reassure her.) It seems the school had told parents to be suspicious of anyone who asks what school your child goes to, and as she is a single parent of one, she is "very involved" in making sure her child is safe.

I was thankful for the parent, but I left the conversation thinking that situations like this are so very sad. We have come to a place in our society when we cannot really trust one another anymore. Sadly to say, this seems especially true with church work with teens. There are some that equate "youth leader" with pediphile priests and bad boy scout leaders and other kiddie diddler types. And even if they do not, people often view your good intentions with suspicion.

How does one deal with being the object of suspicion? How does one deal with someone who assumes the worst motives? How does one transcend a culture of mistrust and an eagerness among people to put up their defenses? This isn't something that just happens in my profession. It happens everywhere. The worst possibilities are automatically imagined and guarded against. We are assumed to be guilty of something until we can prove ourselves.

Many people try to combat this by attempting to put their best face forward. They smile and they charm. And they put the more messy stuff in the back closet hoping nobody will see that.

I, however, think the opposite approach is most helpful. Be vulnerable. Especially in the face of concern of others. Let your life be an open book. Don't play games.

The easy way to go with difficulties, especially difficulties in the church is to be defensive. The problem is, when you appear defensive you arouse suspicion. It is a lot like Heath Ledger's character in A Knight's Tale. To be sucessful in overcoming the defensiveness of someone you need to lean into their attacks instead of running away from them. And this leaves you both a greater risk of getting hurt, and a greater chance of overcoming their defenses. But, how can you ask others to be open and vulnerable toward you if you are not willing to do the same thing. So I have started being more open the more I am attacked or questioned about things. And I am hoping God will bless my actions in these matters.

What about you?