Living on the Borderland

I have lived on the edge socially. Not feeling that I really belong anywhere, that I fit anywhere. I am not saying this to put myself down, it is just a statement of fact. And it isn't that I do not have friendly relationships with people. If anything, especially in high school and college, it was that I was friendly with lots of different people. I am independent and stubborn to a fault. What I am saying is that I never have really fit a mold, or felt like I belonged in a clique, or could be defined by a particular label.

Here is one example. Both in high school and college, I was both a part of athletic teams (everything in high school and football in college) and in more academic circles with highly-driven students. In college there was also the "God-squad" (a group of very "Jesusy" people) that I was social with, but never really righteous and holy enough to fit into (I liked to kiss girls and cussed too much). So while I had friends in each of these circles, I never really belonged in any of these social circles. In part, because I had the other aspects to my life and personality. Also, I can be a pain in the ass in about any setting.

Since I have been in church there have also been these same kinds of groups, and I do not really fit into any one of them either. Church workers often affiliate themselves into theological camps. There is the Pentecostal/charismatic crowd that wants you to speak in tongues or get hyper emotional to fit into their group. There are the conservative evangelicals, that like Pinky and the Brain have grand plans to force the country and the world into their mold. There are the flaky liberal folks, who spend a lot of time as chaplains in hospitals, and who make up for their lack of theological depth with larger Jesus bling (the more liberal the theologian, the bigger the jewelry). And now there are the Emergent church folks, that have some interesting thoughts, but have the vibe of a neo-hippy Jesus people movement at times. I have friends and sympathies in each camp. I want to experience God as Pentecostals do, value Scripture as conservatives do, be as socially concerned as liberals are, and be as good at thinking missionally and theologically as Emergent church folks are. But I don't really fit into these camps either.

I also feel like I am both on the borderlands of the church and the world. By this I don't mean that I am compromising my faith. I mean that I feel like I can kinda relate to prissy church people and kinda relate to the guy having a beer next to me at the local watering hole, but I don't really fit completely in those settings either. I am too backward and country for church folks, and I am too straight-laced to really fit in at the bar or the club.

This is why I chose the moniker Friar Tuck. It was a nickname from my aunt who thought I did a good job with the Jesus stuff, but could be a lot of fun at a wedding party or two as well. But it often leaves me as a bridgebuilder. On the borderlands. Trying to bring all my friends and sensibilities together, but never quite succeeding.