Masturbation Sermon Series

A couple of years ago a met a pastor from Livingston who was going to do a colon sermon series:

Get your head out of your butt and look at the world around you

Pull your thumb out of your butt and get to work for the kingdom

Pull your nose out of each others butt and begin to be real with one another.

I have a sermon series to rival that: The masturbation sermon series:

WARINING: Theological Masturbation may make you go blind.--
A sermon about how if we don't relate theological ideas to real life then what we believe is pointless and fruitless and will never produce new life.

WARNING: Ecclesiastical circle jerks are no substitute for being the church.
A sermon about how for many of us in churches, church is about a spiritual equivalent of mutual masturbation. We church as a place we come on Sunday morning where we make each other feel good. We dont care about spiritual reproduction, just getting one another off.

what other colon or masturbation sermons would you add?