Lost and Found: On re-membering things you had forgotten

My sister and I were having a strange conversation the other day. We were talking about how we have just blocked out certain things from our memories, or just recently recovered them.

For us, some of this was the result of traumatic events (well for me more than her), but other things were more the result of surviving though a more difficult phase. The interesting thing with us is that we remember things in spots where the other one does not at times. But both of us have years of our childhood that are more or less a blur.

My uncle says he cannot remember big chunks of his childhood. My mother says considering the environment they lived in during those times that this is probably a good thing, and God's little way of saving him from the pain of it all.

Anyway...back to me. My biggest missing link in my memory is immediately following the divorce of my parents. I was thinking of all the reasons I hate Valentine's Day. I have many. Both of the women that I dated and felt I truly loved dumped me on or near Valentine's Day. My mother's boyfriend for some 8 years while I was growing up died during this same time of the year. And my parent's anniversary was February 13--which is also exactly six months before I was born. Anyway....one of the memories that has come back to me recently is my going to my mother and giving her a present for her anniversary. I was so proud and thought I was being such a good son and so thoughtful. And my mother told me as kindly as she could that she did not have an anniversary anymore because her and my father were no longer together. I was heartbroken. Both because I didn't comprehend the REALITY of the divorce until that moment, and because I felt I had hurt my mother by being so insensitive to not remember this. I was in first grade.

Recent events have prompted another memory that I had not thought about in a long time. Lately I have had moments on Saturday and Sunday morning where the dread of my packed schedule (4 events in one day) and the pressure to always have all the things in my schedule put together well has caused me to feel simultaneously like I am going to cry (but can't) and vomit. And I was reminded that the same thing happened when I was in fourth grade. My teacher was Mr. Dott. He hated me, and I dreaded going to his class. The other kids in class would pick on me, and he led me to believe that he thought I deserved it. I was sick to my stomach and stayed home a lot that year. And the physical symptoms were stress related. And I was reminded this year that this was a 25 year old habit of how my body deals with emotional distress. But I had completely forgotten about that until last week.

About 5 years ago, I also suddenly had two semi-abusive episodes come to my mind. One involved a peer in elementary school, and another involved a step-parent. The peer was the largest (tall, fat and strong) of my classmates in elementary school. He would walk up to several of us 3rd and 4th graders and grab us by the throat with one hand and grab our crotches with the other hand. I tried to fight him but was not strong enough. I told my mother. My mother told the school, and the problem was solved. This was difficult in two ways. One, I was angry that my mother shared something I had told her personally. (Which is how the issue came up for me, having to share something with a parent that a student did not want me to share about the student's suicidal tendencies). And, because I was not "man" enough to handle the situation myself.

The other situation was in junior high. I was a late bloomer and overweight in junior high. Not a good combination. My dad had married this woman. Dad was in his late 30s and she was in her mid 20s. She was a barmaid at a watering hole he frequented. We did not get along. She thought as an elementary school kid I talked to much about my mother (because she is just about the best mamma a kid could have asked for) and she as my step-mother was upset and jealous. Anyway...we (the step mom and step sister and my dad and sis) went to my grandparents house. I was taking a shower. My step-mother picked the lock (I always locked the door), walked into the bathroom, and stood in front of the shower without my noticing. I opened the shower curtain. She glared at me. Kept looking at me as I tried to cover myself. She looked down at my waist. She looked at me in the eye. Then she had this evil smile on her face. This smile that said, "Now I have power over you." I still remember the gap in her teeth. And the different shades of green and purple in the towel that she was standing next to.But I had forgotten it for about 15 years.

Do any of you have any experiences where you have suddenly recovered memories that you did not know that you had? How do you think memories form you? Effect you? What is the relationship of the body and physical sensation to memory for you? What senses evoke the strongest memories?