How much is too much

I have had several discussion on blogs, with people, on the phone that all seem to be wrapping themselves around a theme of the week. Even the sermon at church on Sunday was about it--kinda. The question seems to be, when do maintain the loyal and longsuffering nature of loving our friends and enemies, and when do we just move on (or say f**k them).

First of all, I need to be honest. I have the ability to annoy just about everyone. If I have not made you angry at one point or another, than you simply do not know me very well! I am opinionated and somewhat sensitive. And, although I have diplomatic skills, there are points where I just get fed up with having to use them in every relationship I have.

On the flipside, I get to a point where I am just about always angry at everyone I am in a relationship at one point or another. People don't necessarily see this because my "Friar Tuck" personna can come across as jolly and fun-loving. Or as a dumb jock in my younger years. You have to really get to know me to know the person that feels everything deeply and thinks about everything intensely.

A result of this sensitive, self-aware, intense personality is that I tend to be a softy. Here at work we have people come in all the time saying they need money for this and that. Our church does not give money to people off of the street. But, if people throw me a good sob story I will probably buy them a bus pass or even give them money for a little booze to take the edge off a three-day bender.

So, I tend to try and hold on to friendships even when they are not that good for me. I do better in maintaining friendships that are in some way in front of me. But I hold on even when it gets to the point where I feel I am being taken for granted and used. I feel its my duty to stay in that friendship somehow. Probably because I have moved around enough that I have not maintained that many friendships. On the other hand, when I look at the other men I know, I do better with long term friendships than most.

As I am getting older, I think I am getting better at speaking my mind and establishing boundaries. Where I struggle with this is in my work.

I love what I do. In ministry I have felt like God has been calling me to places where he needs me, which generally means that I go to a place that has a lot of challenges to deal with. In those moments of challenge, there are points where I have felt attacked, mistreated, taken for granted, belittled, and completely devalued. It hurts. But sometimes it is being loyal to that friendship and relationship that has shown the greatest dividends. Former enemies have become friends. Negative regard has turned to positive regard. Barriers in relationships and in our mission have come falling down. Simply by longsuffering love.

These days though, I am still trying to figure out where my boundaries are. When does it come to a point where I say enough is enough and move on? In personal relationships and in relationship to a church as one of its minsiters?

Here is what I have come up with:

1. Consistent dishonesty and disloyalty to me as a person is something I have a hard time tolerating. Constructive criticism is hard for me, but I can handle it. Constant personal attacks and cutting me off at the knees I am not sure I should tolerate.

2. When I come to the point where I feel completely devalued and dehumanized in a relationship, that relationship in some sense becomes abusive. So if my voice is not listened to. If my feelings are not even in the equasion in a relationship, I get the sense that this relationship is not healthy. I do not think that is rocket scientist.

what other things would you add? when do you think are important times to hold on to relationships, even when they are negative in the moment? What are your thoughts?