I am in a serious funk.
Here is my week:
Sunday: Meeting about our outreach driven worship service
Boss who says a month ago that we need to push hard, turn the screws, ramp up, and "go off the cliff" (interesting he uses a suicidal metaphor) with our second service acusses me in front of the worship committee which is overseeing our project that I am too critical of the first service (an understandable point within our committee as a whole), pushing too hard (he told me to push harder), not communicating enough about the project (he has told me not to communicate openly at times when I wanted to), and that "if you want your project to happen" then we will have to make it more of a outreach project (he suggested the project). He suggested that it appeared like I was trying to lead a splinter group away from the congregation. So, I feel like once again in my job I am working my a** off on things only to be left with my a** hanging in the wind the first time he has any criticism.
Boss suggests that any members of the launching team need to also attend traditional service so that we are not "bleeding off" the young blood and energy (the ones that we are bleeding off are about to leave anyway).
People on the planning team come away angry and threaten to leave church (again) that night. Don't want to "back door" the worship service as a gimmicky program when it has been meant to be a worship service. This may mean that if the group does not get its way, that I will lose my whole youth team and possibly my young adult program as well.
Parent says she knows its my day off, but wants me to come to child's game and eat with family. Then she says "I dont know what you do all day...it doesnt seem like you have a lot of work" (as I am working at her house on my day off).
I ask for bosses support on an issue where I am getting crunched to be involved in something that has been poorly communicated (less that two weeks notice for a major undertaking). He says that we are always a trustworthy and supporting staff to one another (did I mention that he just sideswipped me in a meeting where I was initiating a new ministry on his behalf?).
Hear that paternal grandmother has been diagnosed with anemia, congestive heart failure, luekemia, and pnemonia and has stopped eating.
Grandmother dies. Dads voice cracks. To this day have never seen Dad break down and cry. This is about as close as it gets.
Have to redo a project after working at for two hours because of a computer error.
Learn after an exercise regimen of 180 minutes of exercise a week for a month I have gained 10 pounds. What the hell? I am trying to look good for the wedding I am going to with Amy in a couple of weeks, exercising like a madman....and I gain 10 pounds. Again, WHAT THE HELL?
Have people make me call them, cut out time in my day to help them move things, only to run all around the church and not find them and have them do it themselves without telling me.
Go to a cross-courtry meet of one of the youth. Get lost. Spend an hour and a half driving around the city trying to find the stupid place. I get there. Race is done.
The boss left me to preach, and I have no idea what the heck I am going to say and it is Wednesday already.
And to top it all I feel like a cloud has been enveloping me for the last month or so and I dont know why. Or I am slipping down a long dark hole in the ground and I dont know where it will stop. I think I am going to sleep in tomorrow.