Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Slip Sliding Away

I am in a serious funk.

Here is my week:

Sunday: Meeting about our outreach driven worship service

Boss who says a month ago that we need to push hard, turn the screws, ramp up, and "go off the cliff" (interesting he uses a suicidal metaphor) with our second service acusses me in front of the worship committee which is overseeing our project that I am too critical of the first service (an understandable point within our committee as a whole), pushing too hard (he told me to push harder), not communicating enough about the project (he has told me not to communicate openly at times when I wanted to), and that "if you want your project to happen" then we will have to make it more of a outreach project (he suggested the project). He suggested that it appeared like I was trying to lead a splinter group away from the congregation. So, I feel like once again in my job I am working my a** off on things only to be left with my a** hanging in the wind the first time he has any criticism.
Boss suggests that any members of the launching team need to also attend traditional service so that we are not "bleeding off" the young blood and energy (the ones that we are bleeding off are about to leave anyway).

People on the planning team come away angry and threaten to leave church (again) that night. Don't want to "back door" the worship service as a gimmicky program when it has been meant to be a worship service. This may mean that if the group does not get its way, that I will lose my whole youth team and possibly my young adult program as well.

Monday:

Parent says she knows its my day off, but wants me to come to child's game and eat with family. Then she says "I dont know what you do all day...it doesnt seem like you have a lot of work" (as I am working at her house on my day off).

Tuesday:

I ask for bosses support on an issue where I am getting crunched to be involved in something that has been poorly communicated (less that two weeks notice for a major undertaking). He says that we are always a trustworthy and supporting staff to one another (did I mention that he just sideswipped me in a meeting where I was initiating a new ministry on his behalf?).

Hear that paternal grandmother has been diagnosed with anemia, congestive heart failure, luekemia, and pnemonia and has stopped eating.

Wednesday:

Grandmother dies. Dads voice cracks. To this day have never seen Dad break down and cry. This is about as close as it gets.

Have to redo a project after working at for two hours because of a computer error.

Learn after an exercise regimen of 180 minutes of exercise a week for a month I have gained 10 pounds. What the hell? I am trying to look good for the wedding I am going to with Amy in a couple of weeks, exercising like a madman....and I gain 10 pounds. Again, WHAT THE HELL?

Have people make me call them, cut out time in my day to help them move things, only to run all around the church and not find them and have them do it themselves without telling me.

Go to a cross-courtry meet of one of the youth. Get lost. Spend an hour and a half driving around the city trying to find the stupid place. I get there. Race is done.

The boss left me to preach, and I have no idea what the heck I am going to say and it is Wednesday already.

And to top it all I feel like a cloud has been enveloping me for the last month or so and I dont know why. Or I am slipping down a long dark hole in the ground and I dont know where it will stop. I think I am going to sleep in tomorrow.

13 comments:

Brea said...

That funk is going around quite a bit these days, isn't it? I hope things get better for you!!

becca said...

Oh, hun, I'm so sorry. Wish I could do something to cheer you up. But I'm not sure you need to cheer up right now, I think what you need is just comfort. And, sadly, I'm not much good at that, either, but I know someone who is...

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. You'll be in my prayers.

Friar Tuck said...

Feel a little better after our Bible study on Exodus 17 that I led about getting water from a rock.

I rarely drink pop, and I binged on 2 liters before I weighed in today. I think that may be part of it too.

bobbie said...

oh man, i'm so sorry. i hate weeks like that. you'll be in my prayers.

Michele said...

Clint - so sorry about your Grandma and dad. I will pray for him and you and entire family. Church...why does it suck??? so frustrating. I too have been having a serious exercise routine for 2 weeks, weighed and had gained 5 lbs. So frustrating!!!! I am sure we are just gaining muscle, which weighs more than fat...don't you think? I pray it is so...

rubyslipperlady said...

I vote for muscle. And I've been hoping (but not really doing anything about it) to lose 10 pounds prior to the wedding. I don't even want to get close to a scale. I think I ate 4 chocolate chip cannoli yesterday. They were amazing, but completely unneeded.

I am terribly sorry about your fam, dear friend. Hugs and prayers to you!

Kim Traynor said...

I am so sorry Clint! Just reading your post made me wanna cry! :( Hang in there, you are in my prayers.

Brotha Buck said...

Clint, you ought to start your own church. I think you 'd succeed. I may not have an idea what I'm suggesting, but you seem to appeal to young people, and seems like a congregation of young people would be the main ingredient to a flourshing church.

Friar Tuck said...

One of my fears is that people will read what I have been asked to do as starting a new church, instead of simply attempting to revitalize old first church.

.: raven :. said...

i am really sorry to hear about your grandmother.

sounds like God is giving you your share, huh? i always say: i know that God won't give me more than i can handle but i sure wish he didn't trust me so much.

i hope you get out of that overwhelmed feeling soon .. i know it's not a very fun place to be ....

and drinking soda is like drinking liquid candy .... or sugar water .... give up the soda!

.: raven :. said...

oh and fyi ....

1 lb of fat and 1 lb of muscle weighs .... 1 lb

muscle does not weigh more than fat ....

muscle is just more compact than fat ....

Friar Tuck said...

That is just it. I did the pop thing basically for one day, but since liquid weighs 1lb for every 8 0z and I drank 64 oz in one day after not having very much otherwise...that makes 8 lbs of soda consumed in less than 4 hours, which I think may have has some effect. I am going back there on Monday. Also need to get asthma meds with next paycheck.

Friar Tuck said...

That is just it. I did the pop thing basically for one day, but since liquid weighs 1lb for every 8 0z and I drank 64 oz in one day after not having very much otherwise...that makes 8 lbs of soda consumed in less than 4 hours, which I think may have has some effect. I am going back there on Monday. Also need to get asthma meds with next paycheck.