The Quotable Homer J. Simpson

Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer. - Homer Simpson

Can you believe it!? Pretty soon, I'll be able to quit my job and live off the boy! -Homer Simpson

Kill my boss?!? Do I dare live out the american dream? - Homer Simpson

If something is too hard, give it up. The moral my boy is too never try anything. - Homer Simpson

Son, when you participate in sporting events, its not whether you win or loose, its how drunk you get. - Homer Simpson

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. - Homer Simpson

Marge, old people don't need companionship, they need to be isolated and studied to see what useful nutrients can be obtained from them... - Homer Simpson

Mmmm...Forbidden donut - Homer Simpson

Blame the guy who doesn't speak Engish. - Homer Simpson

You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? - Homer Simpson

The other day I was so desperate for a beer, I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers. - Homer Simpson

Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos! - Homer Simpson

Alright Brain...Its all up to you - Homer Simpson

Be quiet, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip - Homer Simpson

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. - Homer Simpson

This donut has purple in the middle, purple is a fruit. - Homer Simpson

Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh... - Homer Simpson

AHHH. Donuts. . . What can't they do. - Homer Simpson

Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk! - Homer Simpson

If he's so smart, how come he's dead? - Homer Simpson

The food was not undelicious. - Homer Simpson

I don't apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that's the way I am. - Homer Simpson

Do I know what rhetorical means? - Homer Simpson

I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off! - Homer Simpson

I promised my boy one simple thing : lots of riches, and that man broke my promise! - Homer Simpson

I'm in a place where I don't know where I am! - Homer Simpson

Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk. - Homer Simpson

Lord help me, I'm just not that bright. - Homer Simpson

Trying is the first step towards failure. - Homer Simpson

There's a New Mexico?!? - Homer Simpson

They have the Internet on computers, now? - Homer Simpson

Wait a minute. I'm a guy like me! - Homer Simpson

Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population : you.' - Homer Simpson

Wow. A baby and a free burger. Could this be the best day of my life? - Homer Simpson