To be wild or to be in community?!

I have often thought of something a friend said to me last month.

Clint, it is like something is trying to break you, to rob you of your spirit, to tame you somehow. And you know what, I don't like it! Look at you! You used to dress all bright and cheery and fun. Now look at you. Its not right.

(The dress thing is referring to a change from Van's and Rainbows with Beach Shirts to sweater vests with dress shirts, ties, and loafers when I met with her.)

My life is about my choices. The question is, am I allowing myself to be domesticated, tamed and the like. I had laid this to rest...until another person said something to me.

In comparing me to a predecessor in my position, someone had told me that the predecessor was like "a big kid" but that I was a little too serious for my own good. He further went on to say that this other person had gotten a little too serious in recent years.

Now, this normally would not have affected me too much. Except that is what people used to say about me. Oh, Clint is such a "big kid". He is so "jolly". Now I am being labeled as overly serious. I am not sure what to think.

So the question remains, Is my Spirit being broken? Like a horse in training, is the fun, range-roving, wild side of my person and my faith being taken from me? Or am I surrendering it.

I dont know. I think my "big kid" is just a little more hidden these days. I think maybe in some ways I am trying to trade being playful for being respected, at least 9-5 on Monday-Friday and 9-noon on Sunday. Or maybe I am just growing up. Or playing the role I need to play intuitively. I am not sure.

It something I am still trying to figure out, but it is something that keeps flashing through my mind during my prayer time, so it must be weighing heavy on my heart for some reason.